Me and my husband are separating and I have no one to talk to

[iwasagirlinavillage]

I've left the house - arranged, I didn't just storm out - so we can get some space today and I will go back this evening to get both DDs to bed. DD2 is breastfed but there's expressed milk for her to have while I'm out. Then after they're asleep I'll go and stay somewhere else for the night. Tomorrow I'll go back and he'll leave, then I'll be the one at home all week as I'm on Mat leave and that's as far as we've got. Supposedly it's not permanent but I could be. I'm stuck. I wanted to stay and work on it but I understand his reasoning - we can't be in the same room without arguing and it's not good for anyone. But I'm scared.

Im sorry . Of course it's about her. I don't for a second believe that he didn't meet her until after he told you he was unhappy.
So sorry for you OP. Protect yourself as much as you can. Do what you need to make sure you and your girls are ok, and fuck him.

sorry just read your first two posts
you do not need the extra stress of talking about it if you do not feel up for it, just say you have a night off and want some company !
do you have a friend you could go and stay, share a glass of wine (or soda) and just watch a film or chat about silly stuff? just to catch your breath ...

eeerrrrr.... didn't see 36 pages I missed

I wish I could stop crying.

I can't stop picturing him with her and I don't even know what she looks like.

I feel sick.

He will blame his unhappiness for this and I'm sure his unhappiness will be blamed on me. But ultimately he is the one responsible for breaking up our family. We did nothing to make him unhappy. Life got a bit tricky, but so what, you work through it. You don't run away from it. This is all his doing. He can try to excuse his actions as much as he wants. He can say he wanted to separate before he cheated, but we didn't. We were still together and he cheated on me. He broke this family. Not me. I did nothing wrong.

And she must be a real prize mustn't she. He seems like a real catch at the moment - a husband who cheats on his wife and two children. And she knows he cheated. She just be ducking desperate if she has to go around stealing other people's husbands and taking dads away from their kids.

I know it's not all her fault and I'm not saying it is. But surely she could get someone better than him. In all honestly he was never really a catch to begin with!

I'm sorry, it's a horrible shock. And until you heard him say it you would have been able to keep thinking it couldn't possibly be happening. But now you know.

When you look back you will see the whole time frame clearly. You and he were fine, normal ups and downs of family life. Then he gets together with her at a work do (unbeknownst to you) and the hormones kick straight into play as he returns home saying he wants more freedom, nights out etc. You're confused trying to get your head around it, wondering if he's depressed or having a breakdown or if you've done something wrong or he wishes he'd never become a father. Then he reveals he's met someone but nothing's happened. Then you split up but it's you that kicked him out according to him (handy eh?) and he's definitely not seeing her . But yet he never returns calls, makes firm arrangements or gives a straight answer. He's emotionally detached and checked out. Now you know why - he was with her, of course. His priorities have changed. He's not in control of himself now - his hormones are.

Let this knowledge empower you. Get angry. Make decisions.

I'm so, so sorry.

What a coward.

Of course it's all about her! Idiot.

I really hope it all falls apart and he realises what an awful mistake he has made so he comes grovelling back and I can tell him to go fuck himself.

There is a good chance it will fall apart when the hormones calm down and the excitement wanes. At the moment she'll be telling him how fantastic he is and he'll be lapping it up. Soon enough real life will kick in and then it'll be washing up and shopping and paying the bills just like every other relationship. She won't be feeding his ego the way she is now so the novelty will wear off. Then the weight of the guilt of how he has behaved will kick in.

He never wanted to be like his father but look at him now.

You will come through this. It hurts right now - and your heart breaks on behalf of your children - but it will be ok. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Oh honey I'm so so sorry he is a bastard and she is no better. Please get yourself as much support as you can xxx

Oh god I'm so sorry Hun. What awful news and what a coward he is.
Of course you did nothing wrong - he has failed everyone in this.
And of course it will fail with the OW - probably when life gets a bit tough with her too.
I wish I could make this better for you but I can't. I can only say I'm thinking of you and your babies and sending you all the strength I can muster.

Am so sorry x we are here for you

And yes - she'll always have on her shoulders that she broke up a family.
If they do stay together she'll not get any kids off him anyways!

And I'm sorry to have to change my advice but some things to think about if you can tonight -

• draining the joint bank account into something just yours or transfer to your parents so you don't have to worry about money
• contacting the ow to say what a snivelling shit she is - your baby is only 8 months old ffs. Well actually this last advice probably isn't good but god it's what i would want to do.

My love, I'm so so sorry to read your update.

What an absolute arse hole. He was too cowardly to tell you the truth. So he lied, denied and had to be pushed into a corner to man up. I do wonder how long this has been going on? Try to think back when his behaviour changed. To think how little your DD2 is now! 😢

I think he now needs to step up with some concrete plan. No more fucking about leaving you hanging depending on his plans around his work and seeing her. 😡

Did you not ask who she is and how they met etc..

Big hugs to you xx

I started asking questions and he said "I'm not telling you that. It isn't about her". Fucking dick.

28th January. That's when it started. Based on the change in his behaviour. That's when the requests for nights out, saying he was trapped, shouldn't have become a dad all started. It makes me feel better to think it was then as we didn't really have any notable occasions after that time so it doesn't taint any experiences or anything.

DD2 was really happy to see me. She looked so content laying in my arms while I was feeding her. Made me feel really loved and needed.

My Dad just gave me a cuddle. My Dad doesn't do that. It was pretty awkward but very cute of him.

I know this probably is the last thing you want to hear but I wouldn't push for him to see your DDs. If he doesn't bother it's his loss and your DD1 will adapt kids are amazing! Go NC with the dick let his mum and sister know exactly what he is like too then wash your hands of them all

That's exactly my plan Peaches. No contact from me to him and if he contacts re the kids I will communicate the bear minimum, possibly via his sister. If he asks to see them, I will decide if it's possible or not. Part of me thinks no more having them at the house, but if he's staying with her (I don't know) the last thing I want is for him to take my children to her house. I'm not sure what's best.

So sorry to hear this. Your strength and love for your girls shines through all of this and they will be more than fine, as will you.
I can see why you wouldn't want to risk him taking them to OW's, but it's so disturbing for you and the liitle one having an enforced separation. Could you tell him that won't be happening until he can prove he has somewhere independent to take them?

Oh yes you will now get the painful ' I want to keep her out of it, I'm
Entitled to a private life' bullshit if you even dare ask a question about her.

I'm sorry op. You have admirably tried to see the best in him through all of this, and he has lied and lied some more because he is a coward and most probably because he has wanted to try and ensure he doesn't look like the utter fucker he is, which he now does given that you have the truth.

I'm really sorry op.sending you lots of love

I'm normally asleep by now but every time I close my eyes I'm picturing him fucking someone else. It makes me feel sick.

God love you.
It's hideous and nothing I can say will make it go away.
Nothing will stop those thoughts except time.
It will wear off.
Try to think about your gorgeous girls.
Fucking men!!!!
(((((((HUGS)))))))