I need to end it don't I?

[smileygrapefruit]

So I posted less than a month ago(!) about DH staying out later than he said he would and my anxiety regarding this. I genuinely thought we had gotten through to each other last time. Today he left at 9am for a corporate works do thing, it would involve food and drink and would go on to about 5ish, he said he'd probably go for a beer with the boss after but wouldn't be late. He rang at around 3.30pm saying he'd had a great time, him and the boss were going to pop for a beer and get the train home. He spoke to our 3 year old DD and told her he'd be home for bedtime. Well guess what, both kids are asleep now and he's not home. I've managed not to ring him since 6ish (really hard for me) when i tried to get through to check he'd made the train (he didn't have signal as it tried to connect and then went to voicemail) and my anxiety has been growing and growing since then. I am shaking and feel sick. He's not only lied to me but now to our children. I have locked the door and put a note outside basically telling him I'm done. I'm too angry/hurt/upset to even talk to him right now. I don't think I'm strong enough to end my marriage but I know that's what I need to do. Also didn't mention in my previous post that I am 20 weeks pregnant!! I can't stop crying. Why would he do this???

[JustHereForThePooStories]

Honestly, I can see why he doesn't want to come home. Unless there's a big back story, I'm struggling to see what he's done that's so wrong.

If this was a man writing about his wife being an hour late, people would be quick to talk about abuse.

[deste]

For goodness sake get the note off the door and get help for your anxiety. This is not normal behavior.

[lorelairoryemily]

I think you're over reacting just a tad...as someone else said its not 5am.

[InTheKitchenAtParties]

Its not OK to lie OP. But your behaviour is not acceptable either. I've been in your DH's position in a relationship. And my life became a living hell.
Has he done something in the past to make you feel so stressed and anxious?

[JustHereForThePooStories]

Also, your child will forgive him tomorrow for not being there at bedtime.

She won't forgive you for breaking up for family for such a trite reason.

[ShootFruit]

If you haven't rang him since 6pm would you be able to Calmly send a message to him. Such as DC, is in bed, how's things going with your boss?

Good chance time has got away with him and he's busy with work even if it is a social event.

You do have any coping mechanisms for your anxiety that you could use just now to rationalise the situation?

[smileygrapefruit]

Just tried ringing and his phone is dead.

[InTheKitchenAtParties]

Listen to JustHere OP.

[JustHereForThePooStories]

Have you taken the note off the door?

Perhaps he came home, say the note, and turned on his heels to avoid getting screamed at?

[SweetChickadee]

sorry OP but this is very OTT.

[smileygrapefruit]

I've taken the note down.

[Kione]

My DP gets carried away when he goes out all the time. It pisses me off, yes, but I don't break up with him over it. I might text "a text telling me you are staying longer would be nice!" And he usually sends an apology and carries on. These things happen.
His phone being dead could be because he is in a pub?

[0hCrepe]

Yes lying is bad but he's not lying as such, he's just not doing what he'd originally intended or planned.
Why do you want him home so much?

[IsYourNameMichaelDiamond]

I've been in a similar situation with my husband who would always come home later than he said which broke my heart and made me feel awful. I do remember very clearly that it made me quite paranoid and with a tendency to overreact. I personally don't know if this is the time to draw your line in the sand, although it might feel like it!

[QuarterMileAtATime]

I get you, OP. If I remember rightly, your recent post was: still not heard from him by 1am when he said he'd be in at 9pm and was then uncontactable. And you said that happens regularly? What has happened today is not, on the face of it, a big deal. But you have got yourself worked about it because of all the other times. Is that right?

[JustHereForThePooStories]

Have you calmed down a bit?
Have you a history of anxiety? If so, have you sought help for it? Have you done any therapy that you could draw on to relax a bit now?

[smileygrapefruit]

His phone will be dead because he's been out since 9am. Anyway. I've unlocked the door and taken the note down. Off to bed to not sleep...

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Smiley, you really do need to calm down, you are expecting a baby.
Getting angry, won't make him come home any sooner.
Take the note off the door now, before he arrives back.
You are better than this, just get yourself to bed, rest up.
Wise words from POOSTORIES, listen up !

[smileygrapefruit]

Thanks Quarter. Yes that about the jist of it. The words straw, camel and back come to mind.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

I remember your previous thread. Back stories are massive very helpful if you want appropriate responses 💐 As a 'one off' this would appear to be an over reaction.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Sorry, posted too soon.

But in your situation it's really not an over reaction.

I would have been 'done' with him a very long time ago. He really doesn't give a shit. You & the kids deserve more than this & he won't change.

[RandomMess]

I remember your last thread, he really is awful to keep on behaving like this, it's disrespectful and hurtful

Yes it's the straw that broke the camels back - he doesn't prioritise you and his DC over going out and getting pissed every bl**dy time

[Dinnerout1]

He probably meant to come home when he said but decided to have one more or thought your child would be sleeping anyway by the time he got back. I would take the note off the door and simply relax. He doesn't go out often so let him be.

[smileygrapefruit]