I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

Maybe he has an inheritance, after the death of a family member, which may be the reason for his depressed episodes and his reticence to discuss money with you?

Can your sister shed any light on where his income is from?

You know nothing about this man and you've introduced him to your kids? He sounds well dodgy, run for the hills.

Maybe he has a large inheritance or family money, and he doesn't want people thinking he's a trust fund baby. That would be my first assumption, before I started thinking along the lines of criminal mastermind or anything like that

Too much, too fast. You need to step back and find out who you've really let into your dc's lives.

Drugs

Is this another of those Karen Matthews-inspired "give me a kicking and tell me I am a shit mother" threads ?

Or living off credit cards.

Does your sister know? Have you been to his home? Met his friends?

Did you post about him on another thread, under a different name, and then ask for that post to be removed because people were quite critical?

Drug dealer.

Drug dealer.

Drugs probably or something equally dodgy. What does he do all day?! Seems a bit odd to get this involved with someone so secretive

I had thought maybe he had an inheritance but he doesn't own a house, car, etc or anything like that. Surely he would have bought himself those things first if he had a big inheritance? He lives with his mother and brother but i don't know i don't want to ask him directly because i don't want to be pushy and lose him (he's insanely attractive and i genuinely can't belive he even liked me in the first place tbh) he is a great dad to his kids too i've seen it.

my sister only knows him very vaguely from years back, they hadn't even talked in years until recently but she told me on snapchat that when she knew him he was in college.

Sounds like it could be an inheritance and he doesn't want to talk about it in case you're a gold digger OR he's a drug dealer or something!

If you're going to be in a relationship, he should really be honest about his finances. If he won't, maybe it's time to move on.

you are mad
normal people aren't secretive about things like this
he is a criminal

he's insanely attractive and i genuinely can't belive he even liked me in the first place tbh

Don't let this colour your judgement. Why wouldn't he like you? Don't sell yourself short. Attractive or not, if he'd honestly bin you off for you wanting to know about him then that is suspicious in itself.

I have no idea what he does all day besides go to the gym. We usually go out for a coffee or for a pub lunch or something a few times a week but when i am at work or college i don't know as i can't speak to him until the evening then and he asks how my day was etc but never ever goes into what he's been doing that day. We mostly just talk about me and my circumstances on the phone and he sometimes asks me for advice relating to kkids/parenting etc

My ex does a lot of 'cash in hand' jobs to cheat the tax man
Could that be it?

It could be any number of things from an inheritance to criminal activity to huge credit card debts and loans .

The worrying thing is that you don't know, if you are close enough for him to have met your children you should be close enough to know about his finances .

Sounds like he might have inherited some money which means he's not needing to do work he doesn't enjoy just to make ends meet.

If he did inherit a lot then he might not want to broadcast that fact and want to be certain that you're interested in him as a person rather than his bank balance.

You've been in a relationship with him for 3 months, so bite the bullet and instead of talking about what's happening in your life, ask him directly, where does the money come from? If he's living off credit cards, then no matter how insanely attractive he may be, a man with colossal debts isn't a keeper. Ditto if he's working cash in hand and likely to be shopped by an unhappy client to HMRC, and fined an inordinate amount. Or he's a very shady character, doing criminal stuff for cash.

Does he tend to pay for things by card or with ready cash?

Trust fund/inheritance types don't tend to live with their families especially when they have children. The source of his money is probably something illegal. You have children to think about, so act sensibly - it doesn't matter how attractive he is.

Does his brother splash the cash too ? Does he work ? If it was an inheritance presumably they would both have money.

I'm more inclined to say it's drugs tbh.

You know nothing about him but gave him lots of potential emotional ammunition to hurt you in the future if things go wrong.

You have also let him meet your children, have you ever heard of Clare's Law ?? I think I would ask the local police station in writing if I were you! He sounds dodge and I bet his line of work involves drugs.

I am actually that you wonder why he is with you because he is "insanely attractive" and you are (in your own head) not.

Get a grip of yourself, woman. You need to wake up and smell the coffee. You have no idea who you've allowed into your life!!