I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

"Has a tough vibe"
Dont suppose you could just choose someone nice?

Why, when you've told him so much about yourself, can you not just say "look, you don't work, but you always have loads of cash - from the outside, that looks weird - where is it coming from?"

He was your instant best mate and yet you can't ask him?

That makes no sense to me at all my partner had that same up bringing as your partner and he works because he don't want to return back to it. Fgs my partner loves education because it keeps him in work, he's always studying. He don't come out with bullshit to make conversation. What ambition does he have and what does he contribute back to his community.

He's a drug dealer... easy money but can't get expensive things like houses and cars.. so not a big drug dealer as has no way to clean/launder the money...

Well that sounds more exciting then he's running up huge debts

I have asked him a few times before but as i mentioned in the first post he always brushes/laughs it off and changes the subject. Our conversations are mostly one sided but i do talk a hell of a lot and he doesn't really get a chance to get a word in! He does tell me about his children a lot and he'll often ask for some advice from me about parenting and stuff (his kids are younger than mine) but that's about it. He'll never go into what he's been up to today, how his looking for a job is going, how his workout was, how it went when his niece he hasn't seen for a while came over etc. I can't work out if he's just being reserved/private or if he just feels like i won't want to hear about his life...

Oh god, DH used to have a friend like this. Plenty of dosh, used to talk at length about 'deep and meaningful' subjects. Came over as very well informed and charming, constantly had adoring women hanging off him, the lot.
It was all bullshit. The money came from the fact he still lived at home, (in his 40's), and his parents didn't charge him rent, so the few bits and bobs of money he made from 'freelancing' (WTF? Freelancing as what?), were his to keep.
And the brainy stuff? Also bullshit - he wasn't clever, he just had an exceptionally good memory, and the ability to regurgitate stuff he'd heard other, (more intelligent), people say. We fell out when he was quoting some romantic poetry one day in the pub at some daft young girl, and I interjected and pointed out that he was actually reciting the lyrics to a Barry Manilow song . He really didn't like me after that - anyone who saw through his crap was swiftly sidelined, (thank god).
Your fella sounds like he's cut from the same cloth I'm afraid. Don't sell yourself short - he's NOT too good for you just because he's good looking, (seriously, who cares? Good looks eventually fade), and you and your kids deserve better. Be careful.

Intrigued by how OP is just ignoring all the comments that repeat what she's clearly hinting at herself: he's most likely a criminal.

I bet he's got a reason he doesn't tell you about his life alright. A dodgy one.

Gizmojo i'm reading the comments and it's in my head but how can i just ask him when he calls tonight "are you a drug dealer" i can't just ask him that, he'll probably get grumpy or may even hang up.

You deserve better Op he sounds work shy I wouldn't be impressed.

OK, he's erudite (I think that's the word you are looking for) and good looking...

So? He's got all day to read books/newspapers/the internet and form these opinions. I..ahem...knew a guy who was into drugs - he was an ex teacher, very very clever, massively good with words and also very good looking (in my opinion). He wasn't most people's idea of the typical junkie - all his own teeth, good skin, well spoken.

But still a junkie. I don't think he dealt drugs, but you would never have thought it to look at him. Be careful, OP.

Ask him if he's work shy.

My goodness. You think he's intelligent? And you describe yourself as thick? Why not start educating yourself then? Why not start reading a paper or watching the news?

Then you'll realise he's actually pretty thick himself.

And just ask him direct about what he does all day. I can't believe you've known him for nearly a year and you still haven't asked him properly!

AcrossthePond55 sorry i missed ur post. I did ask him when i very first met him when we were mates what he does for a living he told me he doesn't have a job but he's looking for one but doesn't want just any job it has to be something that doesn't bore him. And that's all he said.

He's grooming you to steal some money, that probably where his money is from, his last woman he done this too
This. Whatever you do, don't give him money, when the time comes.

Drugs

I would be careful he works out in the gym a lot that could be because he deals with a lot of unsavoury characters. Anyone can be a drug dealer. You have to think about the type of man you want your child to be around. He doesn't sound like a good role model.

Is he studying a degree for his not so boring job that he hopes to get?

His grooming you and your kids. You are vulnerable due to low self esteem and confidence I.e you will put up with any old shit, don't question him and introduce him very early to kids. All signs he can manipulate you

You should never disclose more about yourself, than someone else is disclosing. You have told him lots about yourself, he has told you very little. That is not a healthy situation to be in.

Drugs, Gambling, Theft, Money laundering.......
& he is waiting to move in with you & bleed you dry ?
Get away from this low life

I also think this guy is full of shit, he's presenting a false personna. He's an unemployed gym bunny, who lives with his mum and probably doesn't support his kids and his mum still supports him. Doesn't matter how he talks, bottom line is what he actually is. He could easily be living off his dole money and his mums money or even be in debt.

Your also not having a relationship with him if he doesn't talk to you about himself. He can't even be arsed lying, just fobs you off.

Do you have your own home? A job? Is he looking for a mum substitute who will pay for him when she stops?

He's never ever asked me for money, in fact he's even lent me money when i've been completely skint. I owe him about 50 quid that i've borrowed off him before and he just says "don't worry about it" and to pay him back when i can. I've bought him dinner once or twice at my insistence because he has paid for everything whenever we've been out.

so sometimes i just pay out of decency like if we go for coffee or pub lunches most of the time he pays but the odd time i'll insist just to be fair.

Lottery winner. Doesn't want to be outed.

I think you should just ask him straight out where he gets his cash from. Say it's bothering you letting him pay for stuff and you want to talk seriously about it. Don't say 'are you a drug dealer' - yes he probably will be grumpy if you say that!