I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

I introduced him to my kids because he also has kids and when i realised i liked him and wanted to pursue something with him i arranged a couple of days out at the park etc so my kids could get to know his kids as i'd already got to know him as a friend BEFORE we started seeing each other officially. I figured if he brought his kids along and well had a few family-like days out i could tell if he was interested in being more than friends. Besides my sister already knew him (although not that well) from years back anyway and he lived like 15 minutes away from me also. It's not like i just invited a complete stranger from a dating site into my home and introduced him to the kids, i'd never do that. We talked and met as friends for months before we officially started seeing each other and then took the kids together on a few days out etc. My brother and his girlfriend also came along with us. I didn't just flatly bring him into my home and say "here's my kids".

I too would like to know what conspiracy theories he seems so knowledgeable on.

Sound like you've going in deep really soon. Or did he meet your kids in the friendship phase? Is 3 months the total friendship and dating, or is that Just the dating bit?

The thing is, if he of genuine, it won't be a problem if you ask him, and if he's a waste of space better tofind out sooner.
But really, you need to protect your kids, and to know what you are protecting them from.

Ah I see, may I ask where his kids live? Was he married before? May i ask about his age and yours? If I'm being too nosey feel free not to answer

I still think you come across as a vulnerable young woman and all this rescuing and standing by you rhetoric sounds like a leverage he will use at some point.

Have a look here and the police might let you know exactly what your boyfriend is involved in:

content.met.police.uk/Article/Domestic-Violence-Disclosure-Scheme---Clares-Law/1400022792812/1400022792812

He is not from a wealthy family at all no. I am from a poor/working class background too so class is not an issue. I have met his mother once and have also met the mother of his children before.

Ohyesiam he met my kids in the friendship phase. I have been seeing him officially for 3 months but we were friends for 8 months or so before that. I have known him about a year in total.

Can you discuss his views that he's knowledgeable about/ conspiracy theories a bit ?

Why do you think he is more intelligent than you ?

I introduced him to my kids because he also has kids ...

My abuser (when I was a child) had kids . That counts for absolutely nothing I'm afraid .

Firstly why would you want to date someone with no job ? That's no work ethic, no security etc .
I would say he sounds like a drug dealer but I could be wrong .....

Your boundaries in relationships are far too low and this in itself is a problem. The power and control balance here is also well skewed in his favour.

Your sister and you barely know this man at all yet he has met your children and you have told him an awful lot about yourself. You seem blinded by the light of his supposed brilliance whilst he has really given nothing away about his own life.

I struggle to imagine what you find to talk about if he never tells you anything about himself - it must be a really one sided conversation?

And how in awe of him you seem to be doesn't sound healthy at all. You keep saying you knew him before & were friends but you can't know someone when you know nothing about them.

Ask him straight. If he won't tell you, then it has to be something dodgy - either that or he can't be very serious about you if he doesn't want to open up even a little bit.

Gingerbreadlass his kids live with the mother but he has them with him a lot of the time too, maybe 3 times a week? Sometimes he'll have them the weekend. He was not married. I am 32 and he is 30.

Xposted - so you've known him for a year but you can't ask him what he does for an income? Sorry but that's fucked up.

So he is incredibly good looking and probably makes you feel really special and amazing. BUT there are alarm bells going off all over the place here.

Gingerbreadlass has a good point, please check him out.

How old are you? Do you think about your actions and consequences or can't you think further than his looks?

What if he was butt ugly. Would you let a potential criminal near your kids? Or is it only about you and that you're so surprised that you can have him. That sounds so shallow and dumb.

You have been dating him 12 weeks but you've introduced him to your kids? 😨😱
You don't know him very well if you don't know where his money is from. Why is he buying your kids clothes ffs.
If his income is from honest means why won't he tell you?

Notrevealingmyidentity he talks about freemasonry a lot and also believes the voting in elections etc is pointless as the system is designed by the elites centuries before, a planned system/society?? i am pretty thick when it comes to this stuff so he doesn't really talk to me about it but i've heard him chatting extensively about it to a male friend of mine and also on facebook he has debates about this stuff all day! It's fascinating to me but i can't follow it too much without getting lost/bored lol

The one person I knew like this ( always had money but no sign of a job) was fencing stolen goods and worked for some well known criminals.

It's odd if he won't say what he does for money.

I'm going for drug dealer - that's all cash, isn't it? And by the way you can't possibly believe his reasons for dealing in case - that sounds like madness.

Given that everyone is thinking the worst....

Gay for pay male escort, earning money from his good looks and toned physique it would explain the cash.....

Ask if he's ever met Keith Vaz.....

Or just ask him straight! Say you're a bit concerned as to where he's getting all his money from.

You think talking about all that makes him intelligent?

And he's 30, unemployed and living with his mother and you think he's better than you?

Oh, and you've known him a year and he won't tell you where his cash comes from?!

The mind boggles.