I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

My first thought was drugs.

Like a pp, my ex does a cash in hand business.

Or it's possible his mother pays for all household bills and any money he gets is his own.

No his brother is much younger than him and just left school. He pays with cash always i asked him about that and he said you should always use cash as the banks could crash the system anytime and you'll be left stuck when you can't withdraw anything from the ATM's so that was his reasoning.

This guy is also really intelligent too he comes across as very smart with the language and words he uses, seems to know a lot about the world i often at times feel quite dumbstruck by him when he starts talking about politics, elections or conspiracy stuff, but he's like this and yet he still looks sooo good in a casual tracksuit or hoodie or something lol i don't think he even owns a suit or any kind of formal wear yet he projects such a smart and worldly persona like a philosphoer or doctor or something. I get lost in it at times, lol, and i am someone who is used to people with strong opinions.

But this is what i don't get about him he seems clearly to know his stuff and have a brain in his head yet he doesn't show or talk about any kind of future ambitions or career. He seems so unmotivated and depressed at times.

I really don't understand how you can have been seeing this guy for 3 months but have no idea what he does?

I've been doing a bit of OLD and that's one of the initial questions surely? Not being materialistic but I wouldn't date a guy who doesn't work.....unless retired or whatever...and nor would I date someone who still lives with his parents. And my DS(14) has never met any of my dates, and nor will he unless I meet someone special(looking unlikely lol)

Perhaps he's a successful novelist?

In order of likelihood:

• Family money
• Drugs
• credit cards

Three months and you expose your kids to a stranger who won't even tell you what he does?

Christ, the threads on here today...

Someone needs to set up a kind of weekend/evening class, a 4 week course - How to Spot a Fucking Loser a Mile Off.

Lives with his mother? Check.
Lies? Check.
Doesn't say "Whoa, maybe it's too soon to meet the children, that would really confuse and destabilise them and they should really come first, don't you think?" Check.
Is obviously a drug dealer. Check.

"he's insanely attractive and i genuinely can't belive he even liked me in the first place tbh"

This isn't an uncommon thing. The guy may have looks but with no job and no prospects and a penchant for lying he is actually a Poor Quality Man. You might think he could 'get any woman he wants' or something, but he can't. He has nothing to offer and any woman worth her salt would run a mile.

So they focus on vulnerable women instead. Women with children who are feeling vulnerable. Women who can't afford things. Women who are afraid of being hurt. Women who already have been hurt. Women who won't speak out of turn. Who won't ask questions.

And he'll tell you "No one else will want you" and "you're punching above your weight" and "haven't I spent enough on you?" and "I deserve this, look at what I spend" and "You're crazy" and "You make shit up" and "You're just like my psycho ex."

And vulnerable women will believe him.

Don't be that woman.

(and yeah. I fell for this once. Good-looking, wealthy guy. Seemed interested in me. Why? What would HE see in ME? He saw vulnerability. He saw someone easy to control. I was suspicious. He said some silly things. I went off him. I had a feeling he had a vicious streak. I turned him down. Told him to stop calling. He got mad, said he'd spread lies about me. He didn't. Was too afraid to speak to our mutual friends :p He exposed his weaknesses quite spectacularly and then, when he was pretty humiliated, he didn't seem quite so powerful or popular after all. And I no longer wondered what HE saw in ME, but what the everloving fuck I'd ever seen in him.)

You have already introduced him to your dc, you are quite frankly ridiculous for doing this so quickly.

Always cash? at best cash in hand work though I hate tax dodgers even small ones and at worst drugs or other criminal activity.

could be gambling, drugs, some kind of lottery win, scamming, someone else's money he's dipping in... could speculate all day

I'd be more concerned about his failure to tell you anything about himself than the money tbh, it's always for a no-good reason

Computer hacker and he's transferring money from other people's accounts which is why he doesn't trust banks.

Well it's as likely as anything else we will come up with isn't it?

Can I ask in a frank way: are you blinded by the money? Does he enjoy "dazzling" you with his "brilliance"..cough cough...

I have a couple of degrees but wouldn't converse with a person about the inner workings of the astrophysics, trading arbitrage or molecular biology just to put them on their toes and show what a clever clogs I am. Do you feel he speaks to you about these things to put you in your place?

You sound young and easily impressed. You don't answer any of the questions MNetters have asked you.

Why did you introduce him so early? How well does your sister know him and why do feel you're not exactly his equal?

Or model.

Maybe hand model.

Gingerbreadlass it's not that i find myself unattractive, i know i'm not the best looking person in the world but i know i'm not ugly/undesirable either it's that this is a young, fit guy who could have had anyone he wanted (seemingly) everytime he posts a pic on IG he gets hundreds of women liking and commenting on it wanting him. His interest level from other women is HIGH. I was a single mum whose life was a mess, in tatters when he met me i was even homeless at one point. He helped pick me up and get me back on my feet just as a friend. He never even demanded sex or pressured me for a relationship we became close friends over that period. It all just happened organically. I can't help but feel a but weak over that fact that he chose someone like me when he can have any of these other women with much less issues than he takes on with me?

Are you sure you know his real name?
He sounds like a conman of some sort, or a drug dealer.
He could be leading up to con you! Whatever you do, don't lend him money or let him know your pin numbers or leave your cheque book lying around!

Forger. Printing his own bank notes. Wouldn't want them near a bank either.

Why the hell have you introduced him to your kids?! When u know nothing about it. That's absolutely awful

if he spends all day at the gym he may be selling steroids.

You're impressed because he looks good in a hoodie but not so worried about his questionable morals ?

What's his mother's house like ? Does it appear that he's from a wealthy family ? Have you spoken to her about his money ?

Hundreds of women want him? Who are these women? Either this is a wind up or you're dating a total bellend.

How do you marry up "best friends in an instant" with no even knowing what he does for a living?

I can't believe you have children, when you sound like a child yourself.

And to have introduced him to your kids after 3 months when you don't even feel comfortable enough with him to ask where his money comes from? I'm actually usually pro early-ish introductions, done carefully. Not with someone that you can't even ask basic questions of.

Look, he lives with mummy so he's probably got no outgoings. You don't need to 'earn' much to have money in your pocket when mummy pays for everything.

The money he does have?
Probably mainly cash in hand jobs. Some of which may be illegal. Certainly not bothering to declare for tax 🙄 If you're talking large amounts, possibly drugs. Maybe illegal cigarettes.

But don't worry, he looks so gawjus in his trackie bottoms hun, what does it matter if he's a small time drug dealer?

Slow. The. Fuck. Down.

I'd be worried that he's an abusive type- all that 'rescuing' you rings alarm bells .

Given your update, I'm thinking he could be a con artist.

Splashing the cash, impressing a woman who appears vulnerable, turning down much prettier women etc

Those ^^ are all classic tactics of a con artist who will then at some point, invent a 'cash flow' problem and ask the woman for money.

Or worse still, book a 'family' holiday and travel separately having hidden drugs in the woman's/children's luggage.

And to have introduced him to your kids after 3 months

If they've been seeing each other for 3 months he could have been introduced to the kids any time prior to that. I doubt it has only just happened.

mummyoftotwo2 I really don't mean to be harsh at all. It's also none of my business to tell you how to live your life. I just see so many red flags in this guy and I am concerned for you and your young children.

You sound doe eyed and a bit naive (not in a bad way, but perhaps just out of inexperience and eternal hope that a white knight will come to rescue you).

What Niskayuna wrote is spot on. Lots of posters here are concerned for your and your children's safety in associating with somebody like this. Please don't be blinded by the money. Something is not right with this man.

Can I implore you to look up "Clare's Law" and write into your local police station asking for a reference on this man. He will not find out you have asked but you will know if you should cut contact if something dodgy comes up in a report on him.

Ok, I'll bite...

Conspiracy theories???

Get a frigging grip woman.

"Donald Trump is being set up?'
"The Nice lorry attack never happened"

"Aliens abductions happen all the time"

What are we talking here?

His money could come from something dodgy:

• prostitution
• drugs
• stolen goods
• benefit fraud

Or something like: An inheritance Marital assets - has he been married - possibly to a successful woman so that he got half the equity of the house and half her assets when they divorced? Wherever it comes from what he says about not using ATMs is just dodgy. Moodiness and conspiracy theories is not good either. He sounds very weird and I would be very wary of him.