I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

I will still hold Captain Wentworth close to my heart, despite his name being so thoroughly maligned .

Gazelda has it (wed 22feb17 19:18:00). Mummy is a study subject in this his laboratory of life.

Imho, Mummy, this reminds me of the first season of Happy Valley where the antagonist smooth talks his way into all sorts of relationships with multiple women while he is behind bars...only difference is your bloke isn't behind bars (at present). Talk is cheap. It is called lip service. You are falling for it hook line and sinker. as perhaps many posters have fallen for this thread

he posts a new pic of himself up because i can see all these tons of women liking it It would be a safe bet that he does not consider his relationship with you as "exclusive", sorry, and that is regardless of whether or not he has climbed into his Ivory Tower and pontificated at length with three, four, or five syllable words to you on how loyal he is once he finds the right lady friend (failing to inform you that you are not the right lady friend). Again, lip service.

What's he said today? Phone him as MN is pretty slow tonight I want latest instalment

I ❤ this thread so much! OP you are either an immature idiot or a comic genius.

Fingers crossed for comic genius because the alternative is too depressing to contemplate.

Great post Anatidae.

Come back OP!

OP, how is your relationship going? Have you asked your bf directly re his income?

So.,, mood swings, paranoia, inability to hold down a job, world owes him a living, dismissive, secretive..flirting from course to course/never finishing anything... conspiracy addict.
... op, this young man has serious mental health issues.

Or a skunk habit. Met a few big-time stoners in my days and they were all paranoid as hell, talked bonkers conspiracy stuff, and weirdly enough they seemed to be quite intelligent people despite that but they achieved nothing at all and had no desire to either. Apart from bringing down The Man and The System, which is seemingly done best red-eyed and blithering from the sofa.

Oh my goodness! Has ANYBODY RTFT? Seriously?
The clues, littered throughout OP's posts like autumnal russet leaves. Will nobody think of the children?
There are the mentions of 'conspiracy', 'Islam', 'unusually notable belts'.
OP, I understand your clues. You must be terrified. Please PM his details immediately and I shall save the day (call the rozzers).

He's a mason. Bet you anything.

Why does a mason make him have money when he doesn't work . The ones I know all have amazing careers . They don't take losers !!!!

Op are you listening to anything anyone is trying to tell you? He doesn't sound great at all. He sounds bloody awful and this is going to end in disaster. He is into somethings dodgy for sure- if you can run now!

OP.

Your view of what constitutes a relationship is sad. You have no standing in this man's day to day world. I'm betting you are not listed as girlfriend on his social media or that he's in a relationship. After a year you haven't met his mother or family or been to his house. Guess why he doesn't want to introduce you or make you formally in his life?

The days he is out with the kids, he is also with his ex. You are not and won't be told or invited as you'd get jealous. He's still sleeping with her on and off as he can and he's spun you a belter. She sleeps all day can't manage money etc, she has the kids full time and he is the one spunking 200 sheets on a belt. Clueless. He's done a number on the ex and her confidence. What sort of total CUNT invites out the mother of his children with feelings for him to socialise with his latest piece?

He won't smoke your spliff because he's a weed grower and the stuff you're getting is shite from the mainstream crap dealers. Do you even know the strains of cannabis that you are smoking? How much THC or CBD? Of course you don't. Let me promise you, he does. He will know just from the smell how shite your weed is. No proper weed head smokes shite weed or weed they don't know the provenance of. He will own a vaporiser and pipes, he doesn't need to have spliffs when out and about, that's too on top for getting busted in his game.

Why are you so naive!!

He's a lad. A man about town and you're just someone to bang way below his self deluded intellectual ability.

Ask him what strain your weed is. There's your answer.

By the way, he has classic ADHD and is self medicating it with high CBD cannabis.

Ask him to explain the endocannabinoid system to you. I'll give you a hundred quid if he says he hasn't got a clue.

Spunkle Wentworth.

Brilliant.

Crying. :D

Do you not see that the more he messes with his kids' mum's head, the more that affects her and her ability to manage life and family? He calls himself a stand up lad then brings down the person with full care of his children to totally low self esteem and worthlessness. What a cold bastard he really is.

Him buying you dirty knickers on the weekends and ignoring your calls during the week says it all. He was too tired to talk?! So you are not important enough to him to even lift a phone except when you are being useful getting him info he can get for himself but can't be arsed, or when you're buying a few things in the sex shops for his weekend thrills. That is utterly pathetic. Everything is on his terms and the ridiculous thing is you think because he listens to your whinges that you have a voice or any capital in this relationship. You don't! It ticks over on his terms as long as you don't challenge anything and you have bugger all boundaries and let him call the shots.

Instead of him telling you where you are going on the weekend and it's always well away from his real life... You try telling him, not asking, telling him, I am coming to yours this weekend or when's the best day to come and meet your mum. I'll give you another hundred quid if he agrees to either of these suggestions.

This guy is already destroying your self worth and your personhood and you say he listens to you and he cares... No, he does the bare minimum to keep you compliant as his weekend shag and if he cared, he'd be doing things to progress your relationship. Trust me, if a bloke sees you as a serious prospect, they will do things to demonstrate that and to join your lives together. And not stealing a few dresses to order that their piece looks easy on the eye in.

Everything is about what suits him. Do you know why he is with you? Because you are perfect compliant little woman who does what she is told. And you say you prefer living alone and like your space, so you are the perfect emotionally unavailable weekend shag that will never progress past that in his life. You tell yourself these lies because you don't have the self belief to know that decent guys exist and are there for you even when tired or it doesn't suit them.

Where are the photos on instagram or fb of you and him together? You and him and his mum or yours having a meal? A Sunday dinner? A day out?

You are a ghost in his Fucked up hedonistic life and you cannot even see it. How sad for you.

MrsBGharai - what do you mean 'unusually notable belts'? I noticed she made references to belts a few times but confused what meaning that has?

He has a belt that cost £200 or was probably stolen depending on your view of the ops fella.

Yep I understood that part, I just wondered if MrsBGharai meant it symbolised something else as she was hinting at OP leaving 'clues' in this thread?

Lets nip this in the bud now and stop feeding the op's imagination!

alright, this was all fun and games til someone wheeled out the Internet BPD Diagnosis.

Prickery and BPD are not interchangeable diagnoses. although, if Prickery was in the DSM at least there might be a support group OP's very own hyper-evolved Jesus feller could attend.

At least it wasn't narcissistic personality disorder, the angry relative's clinical diagnosis of choice.

Which belts are commonly associated with extreme fundamentalists?
Sorry. I used a Pom Bear to underline my seriousness. I was assuming that deletion was imminent. 'Cept it wasn't.

he's basically Hannibal Lecter in a tracksuit.

to be fair, that DOES sound quite sexy.

Ah well, seems we'll never hear more about Spunkle Wentworth as I don't think OP is likely to return. If there was any truth in it, I really hope for her children's sake she left him as you'd have to be deluded to think there's not something amiss.

Music - why are you insisting he has classic ADHD? Just because he flits from one thing to another does not mean he has ADHD! This man is a real piece of work. Is that a diagnostic criteria now?