I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

You're 32

The fact you won't ask him how he gets money says it all. You ate putting yourself and your kids at risk which is a Bad thing.

I didn't ask him what he does for a living etc before because we were friends. I know plenty of people who am friends with and i don't know their life or what they do with themselves, I feel like i am intruding or being too nosey if i just random ask someone that. I feel like it's not my business, but now i am actually with him i am more curious about it. It's not that it's a dealbreaker i just wonder what his ambitions are fir the future, you know? especially because he does seem to be reasonably intelligent it seems like he could do well for himself in a decent career if he wanted to. He keeps saying he's stressed, depressed, tired, i just want to help him and push him to be more ambitious but don't know how to directly express that to him.

Even if it isn't something dodgy (although frankly, it sounds like it is), why would you want to be with someone so secretive, who won't open to you at all even about something pretty normal? Imagine how exhausting that would be to live with for years and years.

I must admit my first thought was drugs - he may have even had a small win on the lottery or premium bonds and doesnt want people to know.
He may have worked before and just saved up a lot of money, or had an inheritance. whatever it is, not telling you is a bit of a red flag. I would be suspicious , as well as worried he may be running up debts buying me and family things he really cannot afford.
I would ask him again and if he is still being mysterious it maybe he isnt for you. If he is hiding stuff like this, what else is he hiding?

I really am confused now because there's a MN poster named Mumto2two, who recently posted that she is married.

If that wasn't you OP, why have you chosen an almost identical name to another Mumsnetter?

And btw, "knowledgeable about conspiracy theories" is not something that screams intelligence to me.

If he almost always pays with cash it's hard to imagine his income is coming from legal sources or he's living off some kind of legitimate windfall (redundancy, lotto win, inheritance etc). Doubt it's cash in hand work either as you give the impression he's never up to much other than going to the gym and meeting up with you whenever you're free. He's either dealing, stealing or something equally dodgy.

But you aren't friends now, you ate dating, so why won't you ask him? Because you prefer not to know or because he won't tell you? Which is it?

No job, Freemasonary and conspiracy theories and lives at home.
None of this is any good.
Do not call yourself thick!!!!!

The things he talks about are pretty much what I was expecting.

There's something here but I can't put my finger on it. It's bothering me.

Has he ever had his own home? Or has he alwats lived with his mum? Does he financially support his children? Could his mum be giving him money?

Could he just be saving up his dole money and spend it when you go out, but his mum pays for everything else, as in his food and board?

Why are they all living with their mothers?

lots of people live with their parents well into their 30s - that's not unusual...

It's almost as though he believes the system is designed so that HE will never be successful.

The idea of him needed to find a job or whatever that won't bore him or however he put it bothers me as well.

Like he thinks he's so...I don't know special but the world can't see it. But you can. It bet he says/thinks something like that.

And that doesn't sit well with me.

What kind of gym does he go to?

I know a few guys who spend all their time in the gym and don't work but seem to have money. Not the local leisure centre type but the backstreet sweaty gyms where they do serious weights. Are they all dealing in steroids or something?

Maybe mummy gives him pocket money

If he had an inheritance why would he be living with his mum
The conspiracy theories and talking nonsense on fb sounds like drugged up talking rather than intellectual debate 🙄

I'm with you, Notrevealing.

Why don't you push your own ambitions, not his?

I can't believe you give one reason why it's OK to involve him with your kids as "he only lives 15 minutes away". Well - that makes him perfectly safe then

You think he sounds intelligent...
I think he sounds a bit thick and a total loser - living at home with mummy spending all his time either at the gym or spouting shite about conspiracy theories on the internet

As for using cash because the banks will crash and he won't be able to get to his money... you really believe it's that? Not that his money is coming from somewhere dodgy so he needs to keep it in cash? You're not stupid love, you just want to pretend he's not a crook.

If he's so great, he'll happily tell you where his money comes from.

I think he is trying to impress you it does sound like he is talkative. I would go with gigolo not drugs I think you would know if it was that. You would see a dark and seedy side to him. I would put my money on gigolo its not something you want your girlfriend to know about. Its cash in hand most of the time.

Well, the conspiracy theorists I've met seem to be twats pot heads.

I don't think I'm articulating it well but it's interesting to know someone else thinks similar bibliomania

And actually, anybody still living at home with their mum will have plenty of cash to splash, even if their only income is benefits - because they don't have the expenses grown ups do...

I knew someone years ago who spent all day on his arse in front of the tv doing nothing, and then hours in the pub at night debating conspiracy theories and world order. He was always 'writing a book' or 'working on an invention'. Surprise surprise, neither of those things ever happened. If you'd been evesdropping on his rantings you would have thought he was really intelligent. He wasn't though - he was a complete waster.