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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

338 replies

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 12:30

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OP posts:
Againagain97 · 12/02/2017 14:48

This is my first.....

LTB

CONDOMS, BLOW JOB, MOODS!

You've had cancer treatment, he is saying he's unhappy with a side effect of your treatment.

Would it be more convenient for him if you'd not had the treatment........

Utter cunt!

Flowers for you OP

AcrossthePond55 · 12/02/2017 14:52

What an arse. Why don't you suggest he call your doctor and explain how he needs sex to deal with his stress and see what your doctor says? (Not really)

You're both under stress right now. But his needs don't trump your recovery.

DH and I were told 'no sex' early on in my pregnancy with DS2 as DS1 was premature and I was having 'twinges'. DH managed with hand-jobs (either from me or wanking) very well for nigh on 8 months. Your DH can manage, too. If he wants 'intimacy' give him a cuddle while he wanks off. Sheesh!

What the fuck is it with men and fucking blow jobs?? I mowed the lawn=BJ. I changed a nappy=BJ. It's my birthday/Xmas/Groundhog Day=BJ. I managed to put the seat on the toilet down=BJ. I wonder what they'd do if we started demanding oral for every little thing we do. Run for the hills, I expect.

balence49 · 12/02/2017 14:52

This is awful. Have you got any check ups? Take him along and when asked how it's going explain it's ok but mr. Is struggling with the lack of sex.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 12/02/2017 14:54

I'm generally not one for condoning violence but I wonder if a few delicate taps to the testicles with a cricket bat would help him gain some empathy to your situation.

See how much he fancies being ridden like Sea Biscuit then.

Sorry for your loss op, and best wishes for a full recovery. Flowers

Maverickismywingman · 12/02/2017 15:06

Don't take responsibility for thinking out loud that condoms were a possibility, OP.

He suggests getting them from the drawer again, just say "I've thought about it, and I don't think it's a good idea. Plus I'm not really in the mood, what with all the stress I'm under".

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 15:14

😂 that made me laugh Ineedmore 😂

It's the fact he says he knows it's not my fault and then continues to make me feel guilty. I think I will just get bloody angry with him. Imagine if I have to have a hysterectomy if say it spread to other parts?!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 15:14

Sorry for the short list, you have a life threatening illness, and all this dick is concerned with is himself and getting his end away. If he was that desperate he could go solo. He wants to damage you for his benefit, he's awful absolutely awful. There is no coming back from this. Myself and my husband haven't had sex in years, since conceiving our son who is 5, we have 2 kids with sn and it wipes us out at night we just want to sunuggle and sleep. If my husband feels tge urge, I am asleep, he gives solo.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 15:15

What woukd he do if yiu could not have sex! Sorry no other way than to LTB.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 15:16

Meant short post.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 12/02/2017 15:23

Nothing new to add as PP have summed things up perfectly!!! I've also met ( and had) my share of Wankers but your Partner takes the biscuit!!! Wishing you the very best of luck with your recovery , concentrate on yourself this horrible, worrying time.....take care x

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 15:26

At times I've even convinced myself that actually I feel ok, maybe it would be ok just once! I can't believe I've been thinking like that. He said it's hard cos I hold all the cards , that just makes me feel even more pressurised!!!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 12/02/2017 15:28

There's more than one way to skin a cat. Surely he'd discussed alternatives to PIV with you?? When I had my vasectomy, I did other things for my ex. Surely that's what you do?? His attitude is all wrong

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 15:31

Op is not feeling up to it, she is being coerced. Holding all the cards, how manipulative is he! Have you suggested he go solo.

HecateAntaia · 12/02/2017 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/02/2017 15:43

'Hold all the cards??! WTF! That implies that you are choosing to not have sex rather than following dr's orders.

I agree with the 'gentle tap to his nads with a cricket bat' as suggested by a PP.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 15:43

TheNaze I'm quite aware there other ways but him getting angry with me for not just doing these things is putting me off even more. He thinks I should just want to and doesn't understand why I haven't as he would he says, but it's only been 2 weeks since the treatment I've been recovering myself I've been bleeding quite heavily at times, feeling tired and sore, stomach ache plus worrying if it's all gone and what caused it. My dad only died a month ago also of cancer I'm just not in the right frame of mind to consider someone else's sexual needs. It may have been different if he'd been all supportive and loving and then I may of felt like relieving him in other ways but he's just put me off completely and believe me I always had a fairly high sex drive. I wonder if I'll ever get it back now 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 15:45

I think he means by holding all the cards , doing other things to him! Because I haven't for 2 whole weeks 😲

OP posts:
MattBerrysHair · 12/02/2017 15:46

You "hold all the cards"???? Confused

In a healthy, loving relationship sex isn't about power, it's about intimacy, bonding and fun! He sounds like an entitled selfish twat, how dare he try to bully you into putting your health at risk just so he can get his jollies. I'd be appalled at his attitude in any circumstance, but the fact your df has passed away recently too makes it doubly appalling.

Get angry, OP, get really angry.Flowers

Chloe84 · 12/02/2017 15:47

He said it's hard cos I hold all the cards, that just makes me feel even more pressurised

That's just a small step from saying it's hard because you are entitled to say no to sex. He can also say no to sex, does that mean he holds all the cards?

Getting angry isn't enough if it just means things go back to the status quo (he uses you to alleviate stress).

pieceofpurplesky · 12/02/2017 15:48

Total wanker. And being one I am sure he can think what to do

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 15:48

Btw I have suggested going solo, his answer to that was he would if he was single but he's not and I'm lying in bed next to him and he feels frustrated

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 12/02/2017 15:56

Disgusting.
Sorry, but I think he needs a short sharp shock. Ask him how he'd feel if you told your friends and family that he is pressuring you for sex and sulking because you won't give in?

Juveniledelinquent · 12/02/2017 16:00

Just when you need love and support your DP is being an utter twat. I'm so sorry that he's being so uncaring. I don't know how to help other than offering you a virtual hug Flowers.

MycatsaPirate · 12/02/2017 16:04

I had an ex like this. Note he is an ex.

Really, just tell him to fuck off. I couldn't be arsed with anyone piling on that kind of pressure when you are dealing with cancer treatment, your dad dying and all the other stuff going on.

Oh and that old chestnut 'I need to feel close to you' is just bullshit. It means he wants a shag. If he wanted to feel close to you, a cuddle can do that.

It's not often a man's behaviour makes me angry, but in this case I am very angry.

He's an arsehole.

Lynnm63 · 12/02/2017 16:04

Words fail me.
He is a nasty, controlling, spiteful manchild.
No man dies because he can't have a shag for 6 weeks.
I second taking a cricket bat to his knob.