Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

[Rizzo03]

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OMG I cannot believe what I am reading!!! Out of all the threads I have read on here about selfish men this guy really is the worst and the lowest of the low. He really is a fucking scum bag. What an absolute fucking cunt of the highest order. Sorry for the bad language but I am outraged on your behalf. Please get shot of this arsehole of an excuse of a man.

Sounds like you have a real charmer on your hands.

I had an operation later year and thought I'd be "out of action" for around 6-8 weeks. As it turned out it was around 10 weeks. Do you know what? DP was there looking after me, no questions asked. Plenty of cuddles and kisses with no pressure.

You need to have a thing long term if you want to be in a relationship like this.

This situation has made me feel sick. OP you deserve so much better than this. Get rid of him, he has no respect for you and seems unable to feel any empathy.

Op your husband is a genuinely despicable human being. You love him and I'm sure that's hard to hear but he's treating you like a blow up doll. I honestly couldn't stay married to someone who feels that his sexual "needs" are more important than my physical wellbeing

TheNaze - it's 6 weeks. I usually like to have sex at least once a day if I can, but on more than one occasion I've had to go without for multiple weeks. The net result of which was precisely nothing. I didn't die, or sink into a depression, or feel "unloved". I just wanked a bit more than usual.

If you're right in the thick of invasive cancer treatment, the chances are you don't feel like partaking in any sexual activity for a while. People of both genders and all ages and walks of life (and indeed sex drives) go through periods wherein they don't really have sex on their mind and don't particularly want to have it. Who the hell, when their partner is in the midst of grief WHILST UNDERGOING INVASIVE TREATMENT FOR CANCER THEMSELVES, would be thinking about their blowie/pussy-eating quota? Jesus Christ.

I'm actually shocked myself at how outraged people are with this. I knew he was being selfish but with never being in this situation before I wasn't sure if all men were like that. He says they are.

He says all men pressure their partners into penetrative sex when said partner has an open wound at the top of their genital tract due to invasive cancer treatment?!

FUCKING HELL.

This man is a lunatic.

He is being unbelievably selfish. And no, not all men are like this at all!!!
Is he selfish in other ways too?

Two men in this household now have read this thread and are absolutely agog with horror. And believe me neither are what I'd categorise as Thoroughly Modern. This is grossly abnormal, OP.

See that's the thing, he's not really selfish generally no. He can be a tad controlling and a bit arrogant sometimes, but usually very kind and gentle that's why I wasn't expecting this at all.

They're not like, Rizzo, they're really not.

Hospitals issue instructions not to have sex for x weeks after all manner of procedures and they assume that this will, broadly speaking, be unproblematically adhered to. The instruction is often bordering on throwaway because to the vast majority of men and woman it's considered to be a minor inconvenience. Of course all men aren't like this. There are men on problem columns lamenting sadly the fact that they haven't had sex with their partner FOR YEARS (and for no particular reason) and wondering if perhaps they might be entitled to sleep with someone else, etc. Pressuring a grieving cancer patient for sex is the act of a psycho.

I wasn't sure if all men were like that. He says they are

well he would say that wouldnt he

And I'm sorry to say that - never mind most men - in my experience even most deeply unpleasant and bullying men wouldn't stoop to this after a few weeks of celibacy, never mind about 14 days.

Worried about tonight. I'm so, so sorry and angry that you even have to think about that!

You need a bundling board.

For reference:
www.davidwebbfowler.com/2012/01/what-was-bundling-board.html

That 'hold all the cards' comment is exactly the sort of crap my ExH would come out with, and I could never quite put my finger on why I felt so angry about his attitude. He also was a tad controlling and arrogant.

He left me and our young children in the end for OW.

I wish I'd had MN back then. I'd have seen him for what he was a mile off.

He's not offering you anything to make you feel better though is he, it's all about him and why should he go solo if he's horny and you're there.

FGS it's just outrageous!!! I say that as someone who was back having sex soon after giving birth each time but it was because I wanted it as much as DH.

No, all men are not like this.
I have never met a man like this.

That 'hold all the cards' comment
he wants her to be submissive, subservient, to do his bidding.
Sex needs to be mutual, either person is free to decline, is free to decide what happens to his or her own body.
In his view that fact that she is able to deny him access to her body means she has too much power
he thinks she is a possession that he owns and has an automatic right of access to.

To him a partner who says no to sex is like a car refusing to let the owner get in and drive it.

No Rizzo not all men are like this, and please don't try to convince yourself otherwise. Your recovery is far more important than his needs, its called love and affection. Your libido will no doubt have crashed due to your df passing away and then your treatment starting. Id say stick to your guns, stop feeling guilty and surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart. Then leave him when you feel strong enough. He isn't your future im afraid x

Nasty, nasty man. for you OP.

No as you read on here, not all men are like that, only nasty abusive scumbags like your partner. Most men woukd be horrified what your partner is doing. My dh certainly is not like this!

Rizzo, not all men are like this. I absolutely promise this! Please read these replies and realise that this is him, not men.

I'm so sorry to hear you're having/ had such a rough time OP

On the other hand, GET RID! how he can even be thinking of sex at a time like this turns my stomach, he should be supporting you

You don't need this and deserve better!

Take care of yourself OP xxx

It's not all men OP. Promise. I'm sorry you're going through a horrible time. He really is being an arse.