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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

338 replies

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 12:30

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OP posts:

ExConstance · 12/02/2017 13:00

There are other types of sex than penetrative.

cherrypie11 · 12/02/2017 13:01

Oh, poor HIM. How terrible. He can't have nookie for 6 weeks. OP, on th eother hand has cancer and is going through a very tough time of
it. I appreciate men need sex but if the OP's husband really moaning about it then that is being really selfish of him, making OP's hellish time all about him. That is unfair. Sounds like he needs a kick up the arse. OP, I am sorry to hear this and

IlsaLund · 12/02/2017 13:03

He's a selfish arse.
Over the past five years I've had various operations/treatments that have meant sex hasn't been possible for up to three months at a time.
DH's only concern has been for my health and wellbeing.

cherrypie11 · 12/02/2017 13:04

Unless of course, the husband hasn't actually moaned about it but maybe OP is just worried he is upset about the sex? OP, it is not your fault. If he loves you, he will accept that your health has to come first. 6 weeks may seem like along time and yes, it is tough for both of you. But he shouldn't be whining and guilt tripping the OP.

cherrypie11 · 12/02/2017 13:06

IlsaLund his concern has only been for my wellbeing yes. that i show it should be in a relationship. It is how things should be for the OP

LotsOfAxolotlsAndOcelots · 12/02/2017 13:12

I can't have a jump with my DH for the forseeable as I am waiting for orthopaedic surgery. We are having a larf about it and are amazed at how many puns we can come up with as a result. We are also discovering other ways of having fun (thanks LoveHoney ;) The difference is my DH is not an arsehole about it though. I nursed him through the worst possible illness two years ago and he knows I would do the same again in a heartbeat if need be. He sounds like he doesn't deserve you OP.

BoobleMcB · 12/02/2017 13:14

Am I the only one that missed the bit where it's stated it's because he hasn't had sex for a week? Being a bit judgmental aren't we MNers?? Surely the bereavement and problems he's having with hi daughter are way more likely to be the issue!!

Elledouble · 12/02/2017 13:15

Yeh, mine was like this when I had a LLETZ. I took him to Amsterdam for his birthday and he was utterly vile to me when he couldn't get a shag. I told him to fuck off out to the red light district and not come back if that was what was important to him. It nearly ended our relationship - have a really really careful think about your options and what you actually want.

Elledouble · 12/02/2017 13:15

Booble have you read the thread title?

pissedglitter · 12/02/2017 13:18

Booble did you read the OP ?
She has just had treatment for CANCER and he is in a huff because he can't have sex

Kick his moaning faced arse out and get yourself a real man

Dadaist · 12/02/2017 13:18

Selfish childish arse!
Tell him you've been on a support thread and the advice is that if he's unable to manage this he is still just a wee boy without a toy, and needs to man up!
There's lots you can do without PIV sex anyway - but with what you're going through you may well not be in the mood. He just needs to support you - what an infant!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/02/2017 13:27

Sorry for your loss.

Have you actually asked him if that's the issue?

Original poster

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 13:33

Ok so it's not just the sex thing he has other problems to contend with and I have been supportive with these, as much as I can. I have felt angrier than usual but it's down to grieving. I've just started going to councelling because I feel there's that much going on and I have to keep everything together , we have 4 kids between us so it's not easy. I just haven't been able to grief properly and I've still got to sort out my dads house, belongings etc.

I know it's a lot to do with the sex cos he has said it is and he was exactly the same when I had the biopsy on my cervix and again couldn't have sex for weeks and for some reason it was more painful then.

You know I felt guilty so I suggested maybe using condoms as it would maybe be less chance of infection but I'm not sure if I should if it will be painful or effect anything. It clearly says in the leaflet 4/6 weeks, but he now keeps suggesting it saying he has condoms in the draw, but I'm worried that will damage something, he just sighs then, so I feel guilty, emotional and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Elledouble · 12/02/2017 13:35

If what you've had is similar to what I had, your cervix is currently an open wound. Please please look after yourself and don't do it.

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 13:37

I think he's a twat and you'd better off without him. By far.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2017 13:38

Dont put yourself at risk of damage just to stop him moaning FFS.

I suggest that the first thing you do is go fucking nuclear at him. Make it quite clear that he is being a pathetic twat and that each time he pesters you it puts you off sex even more.

Stop pussy footing around, get mad!

passmethewineplease · 12/02/2017 13:39

Do not do it OP. There must be a reason they give that time frame.

Do not put yourself at risk for this dickhead.

RedAndYellowStripe · 12/02/2017 13:39

Please don't have sex just to keep happy if it also means you taking risk for your health!!!

Sorry for the bold but I really wanted to make that clear.

As for the sex, sex is a very good way to relax and therefore to deal with stress.
If she has being using sex that way for a while and he is in a stressful situation atm, I can see why he would struggle.
Except that the answer is NOT to pressurize you to have sex when it would put you at risk/could be painful etc... it's for him to find other ways to deal with his stress and find new coping strategies.
If he is missing the connexion/intimacy, same again, you can get that wo sex. Up to him (and yu too) to find new ways to be intimate that don't rely on sex.

What he can NOT do is to impose his lifestyle choices on you and use you as stress reliever just because ts the easy way for him. You are not an appliance.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2017 13:40

Oh and the condoms will not be sterile, so are just as likely to introduce infection as if you didnt use them.

Something along the lines of "Its not happening for at least another money, and possibly longer if I dont feel up to it, so get used to the idea. Grow the fuck up and shut the fuck up"

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2017 13:40

money?! month

MixedGrill · 12/02/2017 13:41

IF YOU WANTED, and only if, because you too wanted sexual satisfaction and intimacy, there is plenty you could do mutually and non-penetratively!

But his attitude when you have had such treatment is shocking. Really shocking. That's the problem.

Mrscaindingle · 12/02/2017 13:42

OMG and I thought my ex was a selfish sulky child when not getting enough sex. He is actually prepared to risk your health to get his end away, I really hope you are not thinking about doing this.

If it was me I would be serving him his arse on a plate and considering my options about whether this relationship has a future.

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 13:42

Seeing as you clearly can't read Booble

It's OPS bereavement and it has been two weeks .

In the picture now? Feeling sorry for him? Ridiculous.

gluteustothemaximus · 12/02/2017 13:42

Please don't risk it.

Even if cancer treatment wasn't in the picture, being guilt tripped into sex in never on.

But cancer treatment is in the picture, and that makes it even worse.

DH waited nearly 6 months for me to get better after having a baby and getting very ill. You wouldn't have noticed him behaving any different, he put my needs first.

Am so sorry you're going through such a hard time right now; what you need is support, and it doesn't feel like this is happening right now.

Please don't suggest ways to appease him (condoms etc) it just reaffirms that he is 'right' in his 'needs'.

For you

123bananas · 12/02/2017 13:43

Bloody hell. No he can wait. You cannot risk an infection. He can have a wank if frustrated. The guidelines are there for a reason. He is an utter cunt for making you feel the slightest bit guilty.

DH went 40 weeks from my 20 week appointment when pregnant with dc3 (high risk of bleeding after sex) to when I was physically recovered from the birth/emergency hysterectomy. Never pressured me at all.

Sorry to hear about your Dad

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