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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

338 replies

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 12:30

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2017 11:03

It may be a case of turning a reception room into your bedroom if you don't want to make any of the DC share but legally forcing a sale etc. could take time so I wouldn't want to you to spend £££££££££££ renting whilst he uses every delaying tactic going.

Flowers
Original poster
Rizzo03 · 21/02/2017 13:27

I do feel a bit trapped though, I'm just not sure if I can go through with it, it's not just my life I'm disrupting, plus all the children are quite close. He has all his family and friends here I am very much alone.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2017 13:29

Hence why you shouldn't just move out, move into another room, get the house sold take your time to find somewhere to go to etc.

Start building new friendships, start building a life locally that is without him Flowers

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/02/2017 14:35

He is relying on you feeling that you cant leave, and thats why you must.

Whereabouts are you? I am sure that there will be MNers near you :)

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2017 16:22

Really Rizzo, you know that its over between you, now you can live in the house, until you sort things, out and force a sale. You can live in the same house together, but be separated, a lot of separated people do that, as they have nowhere immediate to go.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/02/2017 16:31

Rizzo, I hate to sound like an absolute bitch, and a greedy one at that, but I really do think you need to get this sorted before you actually receive the inheritance. Even though you aren't married so he's not entitled to any of it, the fact that he sees you receive a large amount of money may make him feel he's entitled to a larger share of the family home or he may try to get you to offer him a large sum of cash to be rid of him.

I really think you should make legal advice a priority.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 21/02/2017 18:39

I know your right acrossthepond. I have thought that too.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 21/02/2017 18:55

Yes, I agree with across too.

NewPuppyMum · 21/02/2017 18:58

Please don't stay for the sake of the kids. They won't thank you and it's not fair to them.

You are with a disgusting repulsive man and you can easily manage without this turd.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/02/2017 19:13

If there's no way to get it done and dusted before the estate is probated, at the very least don't deposit the money where he has access or can see the amount. If possible I'd pick up the cheque directly rather than it being mailed and I'd open a brand new account to deposit it in. I'd also either use a different address for that account (like a trusted friend or relative) or I'd make sure there's no paper/mail associated with it.

You are under no legal obligation to tell him the amount of the inheritance nor when it's received. If he starts nosing about, I'd lie about it and either say I hadn't received it yet or give an amount that would be 'uninteresting' to him, iyswim.

MusicIsMedicine · 22/02/2017 11:11

Spot on across the pond

MusicIsMedicine · 22/02/2017 11:20

It's not you wanting out of the relationship, you are being forced out by his cruelty and constant sexual coercion. How dare he suggest you want this so you leave! Cunt. He is only suggesting a baby so he has you well and truly trapped, don't fall for it! Has it escaped him that you just had cancer treatment, not the time to get pregnant nor when grieving and especially not when he's a giant cunt!

Don't leave your home, he could legally use that against you.

Get legal advice ASAP please

magoria · 22/02/2017 13:10

This man has made things very clear.

He wants sex. He doesn't care if this hurts you, you don't feel like it or it puts you at risk of infection.

He wants the house. That % of it belongs to you doesn't matter.

He thinks you are unimportant apart from to service his needs.

He will rely on and use your nicer more caring nature to make sure he screws everything he can out of you.

Although you care and feel sorry for his DC you have to put yourself and your DC as your priority.

Libitina · 22/02/2017 14:11

OP, have you had legal advice yet?

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 22/02/2017 17:34

I'm getting some on Friday, I think though I'll be advised not to leave until sale as I could be renting for god knows how long and he could make the sale drag.
I'm getting it from his dd now, saying nasty things to me and about me to ds, it's just horrid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rizzo03 · 22/02/2017 17:43

I just feel so let down and isolated, I thought he was the man for me and when the chips were down he couldn't be there. He says he cares about me, he'll do anything for me but they're just words. I have no parents they both died of lung cancer. I have a sister 2 hours away which is an up and down relationship, we're just different. He has all his family around him, his dcs which are now starting to be rude to me and have always been difficult. I have some good friends all around the country but not really anyone locally.

I know I need to be positive and re build my life which I know I can do I have done it before but that doesn't make it any easier, I feel let down and alone.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 22/02/2017 19:38

Rizzo Flowers

So sorry you're going through all of this.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/02/2017 21:09

If you're advised to stay, just take a deep breath and remember you're in it for the long haul in order to come out of this with the most security you can. Remember, even if you have to stay, you can begin to live a 'separate life'. Get finances separated, stop doing domestic chores for him, work on getting emotionally separated. Start to think of him as an annoying roommate.

As far as his DD, you do not have to tolerate her nastiness and I'd nip that shit in the bud right now. I don't know if you've said, but how old is she? You need to talk to stbx and let him know what's going on and that he needs to deal with it. Or if he won't, you will. Depending on your DC, do you think it's time to have a chat with them and let them know what's going on?

Welshmamma · 22/02/2017 23:05

Don't tolerate the kids being little swines! Not on at all x it's will your home they need to show you respect x Good luck, such a difficult time xx

MusicIsMedicine · 23/02/2017 12:57

You can break free and rebuild.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 23/02/2017 13:51

Why is she saying nasty things? Is your partner bad mouthing you to her?

Aeroflotgirl · 23/02/2017 14:48

Rizzo you can do it. Yes that's what I thought, is he bad mouthing you to them.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 23/02/2017 16:40

I don't honestly know, maybe? Or picking up something? We're not arguing just not speaking fortunately it's a big house so there's room to be alone. I've had a bad few days but trying to keep positive

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 23/02/2017 17:02

Get legal advice. Don't move out until you've talked to a solicitor.

The relationship clearly isn't a healthy one for you, and I think ending it is absolutely the right decision. Possibly, forcing a sale of the house would be in everyone's best interests as you can split the proceeds and move on separately?

Good luck, OP.

Do not cave. You know he doesn't give a damn about you. He's proven that repeatedly.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 23/02/2017 17:22

Getting legal advice tomorrow

OP posts:
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