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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

338 replies

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 12:30

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OP posts:
MusicIsMedicine · 19/02/2017 00:20

Please finish it with him when you get back.

TheOnlyWayIsMN · 19/02/2017 17:49

Well done for getting a break from it all. I'm sure that you can see him for what he is after all that carry on. Wishing you all the best in your physical and emotional recovery.

Lynnm63 · 19/02/2017 19:43

You obviously had a lovely time in Barcelona without him. If it was me I'd tell him to leave and go and take his red blooded male self off to pastures New as you don't feel you can deprive the female population of his manliness if he stays with you.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 20/02/2017 14:53

Well I'm back, I said I needed to be in my own for a while as time away to reflect is making me realise he's not the right one for me, I needed support and care and not someone who was more interested in their dick ! He is refusing to move out as he owns half the house and his 2 dds live here, so its got to be me if I'm to do this. He's desperately trying to change my mind, apologising and said he wants a baby with me 😳. I'm 44 for a start and can u imagine it, being sick during the pregnancy feeling crap and him demanding sex. Anyway I know that is just a way of controlling me and making me stay. I'm planning what to do as I've got to think of my dcs one is doing his sats in a few months, one is 14 and a difficult age. It's very tense here ATM.

OP posts:
xStefx · 20/02/2017 15:13

Good on you OP, showing him that his bloody sexist remarks wont wash and that he has well and truly fucked himself.

sometimes relationships seem great until really tested (like when you really need them) , then they let you down and the relationship is seen for what it truly was.

Im sorry for the loss of your dad and that you have fought cervical cancer OP, what a rough year. x sending hugs

TitaniasCloset · 20/02/2017 15:17

Yes, being pregnant with an arse like him would be hell. Why do soany men feel so entitled? Then when the women in their lives wants to leave because she wants to be treated as a full human being they get a big shock. Fuck men like that , (not literally) but fuck em.

Maverickismywingman · 20/02/2017 15:21

I think the bottom line is, he will bargain and bargain and try and get back in your good books.

Do your DC live in the house as well Rizzo?

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 20/02/2017 15:47

Yeh both mine live with me/us full time, so really if it's me that wants to go I guess it's me that has to move out. I don't really know what I'm going to do yet, just getting advice suppose I could rent for a while maybe

OP posts:
Maverickismywingman · 20/02/2017 15:50

Sorry this is such a tough situation.

I would definitely be getting legal advice asap Flowers

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 20/02/2017 16:08

Well done taking that weekend in Barcelona! Wine

And seriously not surprised you want to leave, he can hardly expect you to still be able to fancy anything about him, never mind want to stay in a relationship with him now he's treated you like this. Bastard. Glad the bleeding's stopped and you're feeling better.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2017 16:10

What the hell, he wants a baby, noway! Tell him to feck off. I am glad you have made the decision to break off with him, go to the solicitor and seek legal advice regarding your house. You might need to rent somewhere, whilst you sort out selling and splitting the house.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 20/02/2017 16:31

Yeh both mine live with me/us full time, so really if it's me that wants to go I guess it's me that has to move out. I don't really know what I'm going to do yet, just getting advice suppose I could rent for a while maybe

OP posts:
Original poster
Rizzo03 · 20/02/2017 16:33

No idea why that posted twice 🤔

OP posts:
Picklesandpies · 20/02/2017 16:36

He sounds a treat. Utterly unreasonable. Hope you're doing ok op.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/02/2017 16:38

How old are his DD's?

For me I think that the stalemate of who stays and who goes should come down to which set of children are going to be disrupted more. If his are much younger or much older then there will be less disruption for him to leave with them. If his are at the GCSE/A Level stage then it would probably be less disruptive for you to move.

But dont forget that you own half the house too, so the best case scenario would be to sell it and you all start again with your 50/50 shares of the equity.

THirdEeye · 20/02/2017 16:44

So you are recovering from cancer and a bereavement, you want to split and he refuses to move out...what an absolute twcunt!

Which children live at the house full time? If it's your children then he should go. However, he is an abusive areshole so it's probably worth the disruption just to get away from him.

Have you thought about contacting WA? Now that he realises that you are serious, then his abuse/coercion could get worse.

Maverickismywingman · 20/02/2017 17:31

I think her children and his children live in the property @THirdEeye

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 20/02/2017 17:53

Well mine live here more but I don't think that really makes a difference also they move around a hell of a lot with their mum she doesn't stay in the same house for more than a year, so I feel a bit bad for them if I'm honest. Difficult

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/02/2017 17:58

I guess get the house put on the market asap, in case he's a d*ck about giving you the money etc... it may end up with you going to court to force sale.

How many rooms do you have and who shares what at the moment?

Can he afford to buy you out?

Flowers
Ineedmorelemonpledge · 20/02/2017 18:44

I can't even imagine the stress of planning and dealing with pregnancy taking into account your age and your health situation.

He's obviously not even thinking on that, just throwing a bone to get you to come to his heel.

I hope you are on the mend. Stress doesn't help these situations.

For a start I'd be suggesting separate bedrooms, you need to continue to have your space to rest, recuperate and think things through.

Flowers
AcrossthePond55 · 20/02/2017 20:18

See a solicitor before you agree to move out or make any decisions about selling the house. Especially since it is your children's full time home. There may be ways for you to stay and get him out if you love the place enough or it means enough to your children to want to fight for it.

RedAndYellowStripe · 20/02/2017 20:42

YY go and see a sollicitor.
Don't move out of the house before you know all the ins and outs and what move would best for you.
Yes I'm sure it is very tense atm but you don't want to be in a situation where he will screw you up even more (I'm thinking in financial terms here). At the very least, do it for your own dcs.

In the mean time, can you have a bit of status quo?

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/02/2017 22:25

Not wanting to sound horrible but frankly his kids are his problem. If this disrupts them then that is on him because he left you with no choice but to end the relationship.

I think that the best bet would be to sell up and start again. Could you afford to buy again with your half of the equity? Did you both put in equal amounts when you bought the house?

Lynnm63 · 21/02/2017 01:04

Don't move out until you've taken legal advice.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 21/02/2017 10:20

We have a 5 bedroom house, I would have enough equity with my savings to buy a 3 bed, plus in time I will also get my poor dads inheritance which is quite a lot.
I will get legal advice before I do anything. My dcs and me are going to stay with my sister at the weekend x

OP posts: