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Original poster

The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

999 replies

Bant · 11/02/2017 19:43

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
WavingNotDrowning · 02/03/2017 14:17

Dieu I get no dick pics!

I had the one man talk about the sex den party which I just thought was funny. The rest are generally all pretty nice. Even today's was really nice when I spoke to him. He was just new to OLD and a bit nervous about it all!

I'm trying to sort out a date with MrCycling now.

I am also meeting up with an ex next week (Soho to those who remember...) but just for a friendly drink... (honest).

Dieu · 02/03/2017 15:05

Hi WND. Thanks for that. I'd say folks on here are reasonably positive on the whole about POF (or at least no less so than with other of the dating sites), but I was pretty much warned off it by people I know in real life!
Feeling quite pleased today that I didn't listen Smile Hopefully the smug feeling will last, and I won't end up feeling jaded like I did on Match!
And I can't lie, it feels pretty good to be saving £20 a month.

Blobby10 · 02/03/2017 16:02

Dieu just been on POF to check this!! Go to My Profile then the third tab along is Mail Preferences. Its here you can choose how often you get the notification emails.

Hope it carries on being a good site for you!

RunnnyMummy · 02/03/2017 17:49

pavonia I agree. And usually I would just unmatch them. But then they won't know what happened & could do the same with the next person.
So I just politely explained to one that I felt the chat was one sided & what did he want to do about it.
And I did get an apology from the rude one. Wasn't great but he admitted he'd had a bad day and just want someone to talk to.

Original poster
Bant · 02/03/2017 18:47

I did a bad thing. I was over in the US and just for the hell of it went on a tinder swiping thing for all women in Washington DC within 2 miles of me.

Not looking for a hookup, or anything, just as a random sampling. And now I have 9 matches who I have to either message and apologise (as they're 3000 miles away and I'm never going to meet them) or just unmatch them with no explanation.

Dunno why I did it. It's nice to know that American women fancy me though :)

OP posts:
InfoSec21 · 02/03/2017 19:08

Did you meet up with Donnie? :)

I don't think you need to do anything except unmatched Bant. I think Tinder is 'soft' enough that that's the way it works. People unmatch all the time. I think the standard understanding is that you swipe everyone and then unmatch the ones you don't actually like.

I'm sure they'll have more matches to play with :)

InfoSec21 · 02/03/2017 19:08

Did you meet up with Donnie? :)

I don't think you need to do anything except unmatched Bant. I think Tinder is 'soft' enough that that's the way it works. People unmatch all the time. I think the standard understanding is that you swipe everyone and then unmatch the ones you don't actually like.

I'm sure they'll have more matches to play with :)

InfoSec21 · 02/03/2017 19:09

Double post city.

Pavonia · 02/03/2017 19:17

Bant the best thing is to unmatch sooner rather than later. I'm sure we are all guilty of some irresponsible swiping at times, it goes with the territory.

Pavonia · 02/03/2017 19:20

Its the ones that don't reply and don't unmatch that annoy me.

Lovemusic33 · 02/03/2017 19:21

Oops, accidentally liked someone on tinder without really looking ( liked them because of their car in their profile pic), got a match and then realised we have 10 friends in common on FB including 2 of my family members, I don't usually click like on people that are linked by friends. Anyway I don't expect to get a message from him and I won't be messaging him (now I have had a closer look at his profile pic), I need to stop swiping without thinking Grin.

So a few days ago Mr MOD said he would come over Thursday night (tonight) but he hasn't mentioned it since so I have no idea if he is coming over or not, this morning I got a message saying 'good morning' but nothIng since, he's working until 10pm so probably won't hear anything until then. I'm guessing he won't he coming.

rememberthetime · 02/03/2017 22:07

I have a technical question for you all. Has anyone ever been able to save or download a conversation on Bumble?

I know it is possible on Whatsapp - but i want to get rid of my Bumble but I want to keep the conversation with Mr Overseas. We had some lovely chats in the beginning before we moved on to other forms of communication. it would be a shame to lose that historical evidence of the way were were when we very first talked to each other.

Apologies if i have not been around too much lately. i have a new job - no longer freelancing. its exhausting - but nice to get real money for a change!

MagnumPieEye · 02/03/2017 22:12

Quick question: I've matched with three guys on Tinder that haven't messaged me yet. Would that be because they expect me to message them first or is it normal to wait a week or something?

I kind of want to start something with one of them in case date tomorrow goes horribly wrong.

SpringtimeSun · 02/03/2017 22:30

Magnum just send them a quick message saying Hi (or something wittier lol) what's the worst that could happen.

MagnumPieEye · 02/03/2017 22:45

True that, Springtime Sun. I wish someone would write a book of Tinder and Match etiquette - it's all quite confusing.

FreeNiki · 02/03/2017 23:01

Been chatting to this guy on and off since December....I know.

He hinted at meeting up and then vanished for a few days and then avoided the issue.

Now he's finally asking me out properly and means it I said where he suggested was too far he said he could come near me and I said yes nice places to go.

He said he lives far and wont be going home that night. I ignored the innuendo there and gave him a quick way home from my town and he replied that he thought he would be rewarded with a nice breakfast.

  1. Rewarded for what.
  1. No way.

Instincts are not to dignify him with an answer and cut off.

Right?

Pavonia · 03/03/2017 06:15

FreeNiki he's made it very clear what he's expecting, if that's not for you then don't meet him.

Lovemusic33 · 03/03/2017 07:47

I'm giving up with OLD Sad, might still linger on the thread but won't be posting much. rule 8, if it's not fun, stop it's no longer fun and it's actually getting me down trying to work out what Mr MOD wants, trying to work out if he's that into me, my trust issues (me being paranoid or maybe just my gut instinct).

So Mr Mod didn't turn up last night, I rearranged my whole week so I had a day free today to spend with him (my life's quite hectic at the moment, I have a relative in hospital that I am main carer for, I started a new job last week and I'm in the middle of a huge battle to get my dd into a sn school), so I waited up not knowing if he was coming over or not, he finishes work at 10pm, I get a message at 11pm saying 'just got in from work, going to bed', I wrote back with 'I thought you were coming over tonight?', he writes back with some bull shit about finishing work late due to a problem at work and says he will be over next week. By this point I am pretty pissed off so I ignore him for a while, then I start feeling angry so I message him explaining that I'm upset as I have made time to be with him tomorrow. He writes back with 'I'm sorry' Sad.
Things could have been ok if he had said 'I'm too tired to drive now but I will come over tomorrow' I know he has the day off and he knows I have juggled things around so we could spend a day together. Obviously he has something better to do today, maybe with someone else? If he really wanted to see me he would make the effort?

So I'm feeling pretty rubbish, I'm going to go to the gym and let my frustration out on the rowing machine and weights and will then probably mope around for the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to step right back from Mr MOD, if he can't make the effort to come and see me on his day off then there's no way this is going to work. Last week he said he was going to stay over twice a week and said how he wanted to spend more time with me, it was all bull shit wasn't it?

Anyway, I'm done with OLD for now, maybe I will have another go when I'm feeling stronger Sad

InfoSec21 · 03/03/2017 08:09

Sorry to hear that, stepping back from it definitely helps though.

Pavonia · 03/03/2017 08:09

LoveMusic You've given him plenty of chances. Actions speak louder than words I'm afraid. Dump him, you sound like a nice person and you deserve better treatment.

Don't mope after you've been to the gym, do something that will give you pleasure. Lunch out? Afternoon cinema? Gallery?

AintThatSomething · 03/03/2017 08:28

I agree LM33, he has really messed you about. Walk away from him. You deserve so much better Flowers Cake Brew

RunnnyMummy · 03/03/2017 08:35

lovemusic that's a rubbish way to treat someone. Look after yourself.Flowers

I have got into a pickle with my tinder irons.
First Mr Boxer. Chatting with him for about a week. Seems really lovely. Agreed to meet for coffee next Monday. But possibly bring it forward to the weekend if he could change his work.
Then in steps Mr Cake a couple of days ago. We only exchanged a few texts before he asks for a coffee date. So yesterday morning I suggest meeting Sunday afternoon.
I don't get a reply so when Mr Boxer says he's free on Sunday I agree to meet him instead.
I wake up this morning to find a message from Mr Cake saying great he'd love to meet me on Sunday. And suggests the exact same place I had agreed to meet Mr Boxer!

So do I go with plan A and meet Mr Boxer as originally planned on Monday. So I can meet Mr Cake on Sunday
Or make Mr Cake wait until probably next weekend cos he made me wait for an answer.

Pavonia · 03/03/2017 08:49

Runny it has all the makings of a sitcom!

Probably most appropriate to tell Mr Cake that as you hadn't heard back you have made other plans for Sunday and suggest another day.

RunnnyMummy · 03/03/2017 09:18

pavonia I couldn't believe they both suggested the same place. It's not exactly an obvious choice either. I started worrying it was the same guy with two different profiles.

Anyway I'm in lurve with Mr Boxer now. We've exchanged photos.....Of our coffee machines Grin
The right choice is to go with him & make Mr Cake wait a bit longer.

HalfInLoveWithElizabeth · 03/03/2017 12:39

Hello - is there room for a newbie? I started OLD probably about 2 months ago & have had a couple of dates, neither of which worked out but were not unpleasant. I'm currently on OKCupid (I like the stupid questions).

My question is, what are the timescales supposed to be around all this? To be honest, I can't be arsed with lots of messaging back & forth so am inclined to go for a quick 1st date - which paid off in both cases so far as although I enjoyed chatting with them I definitely didn't fancy them in person. OTOH I just don't know what people expect. I have these polite convos going for a bit which don't really seem to develop into anything, I'd rather they just said 'thanks but no thanks' really. But then again maybe it is impolite/ill advised to rush in (I always rush in, to everything).

Sorry, you're probably all past this stage, but I don't know anyone OLD in real life...Would really value some advice Smile

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