The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I suppose it was more frequent than constant - good morning/good night messages etc (which I quite like, but know others dont).

Anyway, no matter, it's fine.

Just had a bloke on tinder telling me that he was at a sex party at the weekend.

I think I'm too square for him.

My Inappropriate Crush and I have been texting/emailing every day since before Christmas. Does this mean anything then? We're both online dating now (with other people).

Magnum, wow! That would certainly mean something to me!

I've just messaged my latest batch of Tinder matches. I refuse to give up, but so far this is going nowhere.

Just realised I'm talking to the same man on Tinder and POF. I have been speaking to him for a little while (on both) without realising.

Pavonia, Bumble is proving better for me at the moment.

But I do find the same people on several sites. (like me I suppose).

Info I would love for him to message me more and put more effort in to seeing me, if I had my way I would probably see him 3 times a week or more but I know that's not possible, I know I'm thinking into things too much and I shouldn't question why he's online, there's no way I would message him to ask him why he's online and not talking to me. I know he has a lot of friends in rl and online and I don't expect him to talk to me all the time, it's just me not being used to not getting much attention at the beginning of a relationship and the trust issues due to bas**rd ex cheating on me . He messaged me early this morning but I have not replied, today I don't really feel like talking to anyone and have ignored several people. I suffer with anxiety and today is just one of those rubbish days where I have just been concentrating on getting myself through the day.

I message with my Mr Overseas everyday (sometimes twice a day)and i often send messages during my day for him to wake up to. mainly because he tells me he loves to read them when he wakes. We also chat on the phone a couple of times a week.

Our message chats are often 2-3 hours long every day. We have had to cut them down to once per day to give us time for other stuff.

But this is because we literally have no choice. But actually it really works for us and we have been doing this for 2 months now.

i don't think there are rules. if it works for you then keep messaging as much as each of you want. Mr OS tells me that he adores my messages and wants to hear from me all the time - but that we simply can't be that prolific (as much as we would like to be).

I've just found Friday's Tinder date on Facebook as we have a mutual friend. He's got his privacy settings high though so can't snoop. Probably just as well.

I've been trying to work out what frequency of communication moves a relationship from acquaintances to friends to something else. I think I need to start a different thread.

pavonia we have had the exclusive talk, both remover ourselves from POF, he tells me he loves me (not sure if he means it), he lives just over an hour away, I live in a rural area so it's quite hard to find anyone local , I told myself this time I would not date anyone more than half an hour away but then I saw his profile and bent my rules. I thought the distance thing could be good as I had just come out of a relationship and didn't want to rush into anything as I tend to jump straight in. He is meant to be staying over Thursday as we both have Friday off work.

LoveMusic it does seem like you have been having a tough time with him. I'm not sure of the answer though. I hope Thursday goes well though. Have you chatted to him about messaging levels? I can't remember. Is it worth turning off the last seen thing on whatsapp if it's making you more anxious?

After last night's unexpected MB, Mr Band is coming to mine for tea and a sleepover tomorrow

you were on another thread that I started when our relationships both broke down Lovemusic (me under another name) - our experience sounds very similar. my guy has also professed his love for me . I'm seeing that as a red flag really - my last bf also did that and it ended disastrously.

I don't know what the answer is - I'm trying dating lots of people to avoid over investment.

Just amused myself chatting to the sex dungeon man on tinder about my friday night plans (er book club). I think we both lead very different lives. He hasn't unmatched me yet!

Lovemusic, it was you with the car interest wasn't it?

Oh, my two irons disappeared before they became worthy of a name Like you pavonia I have just scatter-gunned my Tinder matches in the hope of sparking some interest. It's hard work sometimes isn't it...

info, yes, I'm the one with a interest in cars.

Aint, we haven't really talked about the lack of texting, well I haven't told him how I feel, he has mentioned that he finds it hard to function when he's tired so may not text/talk as much but then he seems to be online talking to others. He really does seem pretty honest when we talk face to face, sometimes too honest. He has been cheated on too and it had a huge impact on him, so much so that I am the first woman he has been with in almost 7 years.

waving, a big part of me is not wanting to over invest, trying to protect myself from getting hurt again, but another part of me wants to be with him more and wants things to move quicker. At the moment I can't see if it's going to go anywhere as he has mentioned not wanting to ever move from his house, I would not be willing to move to where he lives, I have too much here, my kids schools, my family etc..., so another part is worried that at some point this will have end.

Can I message you to ask what your car was?

That way, I'm being up front and asking that rather than appearing to message you behind the scenes!!

Totally fine if you don't want to say what it is, I was just mega curious!!

You can message anyone you want Info there are no rules around who you contact on this forum.

Hi, Waving sounds like you're doing fab.

Your welcome to message me Info, you will probably be disappointed by my car, it's a bit of a lady's car .

Nissan Micra Love AKA the nuns car!

Not a Nissan

I know there are no rules about contacting anyone but I just wanted to be up front and didn't want this nice lass thinking I was getting all fresh ha ha :)

Hi Ciao yes I'm doing well thanks. But it's been a real journey to get to this point!

Anyway date tonight not good. what seemed like a witty interesting guy was in fact a nervous wreck

MrCyclist has asked me for a date, so I'll try to set up one with him.

"He has been cheated on too and it had a huge impact on him, so much so that I am the first woman he has been with in almost 7 years."

Sounds like a line to me, I would be cautious.

LoveMusic It must be tough being rural. I live in a city of over 8 million people and can't get a date! If it's basically all good then give it a chance and enjoy it. Make sure you've got lots of other good things going on in your life too. Hope you feel better soon.

Popcorn I did get a reaction to my Tinder messaging, one of them unmatched immediately. I like to think of it as decluttering. The other two have yet to reply. I have a new match but I can't face messaging yet. I haven't tried Bumble properly, I might give it a go with new pictures.

I know there are no rules about contacting anyone but I just wanted to be up front and didn't want this nice lass thinking I was getting all fresh ha ha smile

Right, if you say so.

You serious?

So one of my irons has asked to meet me tomorrow lunchtime and to go for a run together! What do you think about that?

now I don't look too bad in lycra - when I'm standing still - but running I'm worried that my face will be bouncing all over the place?! Is this a stupid idea?

(I am quite fit by the way, but I do run like Phoebe from Friends).

OTOH it sounds quite a innovative way of meeting up?!