The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Waving I suppose it is multi-tasking and if you don't like each other the time would not have been wasted (would be my idea of a nightmare). If it is something you are comfortable with then it does suggest that you might be compatible. Are you capable of conversation whilst running?

Maybe it's a test? To weed out the women who claim to be fit and sport but aren't, or am I being paranoid? Makes me glad that I don't claim to be either.

Waving that is a hellish first date.
How about a compromise and suggest going for a walk instead.

waving that's a bit odd for a first date. But if he still fancies you when you're sweaty & red faced then maybe you've got a good chance.
I like the idea.

I've abandoned bumble. Very few matches & always said I'd run out of people.
Have a couple of irons on tinder. But the other one I really liked has gone quiet.
Also had a new match who messaged me at 3am. I've replied but I hope he's not one of them that expects you to be around at any time of the night.

I think it's hilarious actually. But yes, maybe hellish is a better word for it.

agree it's like a test - but maybe I should see what he runs like. He said we could chat while we run! (ha ha ha).

I may have already committed myself to it...

and actually I love running - it's one of my favourite things. But I do run slowly and usually with music.

God why do I put myself through these things!

ciao just wondering why the sarcastic remark to info? Genuinely didn't understand it, I hope it just read badly and not as it comes across?

Bant is quiet this week!

I had date 4 with CBG last night, things seem to be going pretty good so far. I'm doing well at staying off the over investors bench for once. It's early days and I don't think you really know someone for a good couple of months, also I have had a few guys I've dated a month 5/6 dates then it's gone tits up so just going date by date right now.

My afternoon coffee date has been postponed but we have a rough date penciled in for trying again.

I have a date with Mr Tall for Monday night, he's very keen and very new to OLD so i hope it goes well.

I totally failed at updating you all after my pre date hissy fit

It went well! We talked for two hours with only one or two awkward pauses. We've chatted loads over whatsapp since although no talk of a second date yet. We have both told each other that we like each other so that's a good start lol. It's all going reeeeally slowly which I actually think is a good thing. Both of us are busy people.

So the next date has to be a during the day one as I have a serious lack of babysitters and I'm not comfortable inviting him to my house while my dd is asleep upstairs. I've only met him once, I'm probably over protective but meh.

No, I can get that Arkkorox. XP actually came round after the third date (we'd been out at the arts centre literally 50m from the house, so it seemed natural to ask him back for a snog cup of tea). With DS asleep upstairs. I took a risk, and it did work out OK, and at the time I didn't have any overnights way from DS so there was an imperative to have someone back to mine sooner rather than later, but it probably would have been better to have waited longer, I think.

I had first date with long standing tinder iron yesterday eve. There were a Few slightly awkward pauses but overall was a good evening though we kind of only chatted about stuff we'd messaged about before. Had slightly awkward hug at end and today swapped lovely evening and good to meet you messages. He hasn't mentioned meeting again. So not sure how interested he is, will leave it to see if he does start chat up again. And not read too much into everything! Haha

Should have said that for once I did fancy him!

Hello. Yep, I've been overseas for work. Breakfast meetings and dinner with customers and jetlag.

Home now though. Almost, anyway.

Glad you're OK bant

Hi all

Have just signed up to POF for the first time. Prior to this, my only OLD experience was Match.
A few questions for you, if that's ok, as I'm not finding it as user friendly as Match!

• is it the norm for it to crash? I can't get on there at all at the moment, and I only joined minutes ago!
• I keep getting emails saying 'someone wants to meet you'. Am I right in thinking that the whole 'meet me' thing is a write off, unless you pay for an upgrade?

Maybe I'll get used to it, but not too sure at the moment. I don't like that there's no clear way of knowing who is interested in you, and I keep having to check my inbox for new messages, as there's no indication when a new message comes through.

Thanks!

dieu I had problems with POF. Not being able to log on. I left it a few hours & it was ok later. I think it's a common problem.
You have to upgrade to see who wants to meet you but in your notifications you can see their profile photo very small. So sometimes if you go to meet me it will show them first & you can see who it is.
Also on the app if you tap on the photo in meet me it brings up the profile so you can have a look and send them a message.
Good luck!

Thanks RM! I am limited to the MacBook, so don't have the app. My phone is a brick, you see. Probably just as well, with my obsessive personality!

I'm having a rant today about lack of respect & manners on OLD.
First up my Tinder iron Mr Books - seems like a nice guy, wants to meet someone who interests him. But while he'll happily return my messages quite promptly he never asks about me.
So I told him I thought I was doing all the work and either we see if the conversation flows better in real life or call an end to our chat.

Next Mr 1hr date - met him twice, discussed possible MB in great detail . He was texting me to the point of almost stalking then he stopped. So I told him that I wished him well but he should've told me he had moved on.

Finally Mr Eyes - another Tinder match who got a bit nasty when I said I couldn't chat last night cos I had a meeting to go to. I asked for an apology and sort of got one. But he won't be getting the date he wants now.

Dieu you can also see the profile on meet me using the desktop version. Just scroll down past the photo and click.
The inbox thing is annoying though - I think you can get it to send you an email when you have a message. Somewhere in your settings - I'm not on POF anymore so I can't look.
It does make you log in every time you want to look at your messages. There's no way to stay logged in.

Runny I agree - alot of these men assume that they're calling all the shots and we need to impress them. I think we need to remember rule 7 more - we are the prize.

MrRunner also being quite rude - just assuming I want to turn up in a force 9 gale. I need to assert myself a bit (and remember rule 7 myself).

(I'm still not sure how a running date would work - I'm just going to look rubbish apart from anything else - it feels at the moment as though he setting a test for me. Still if nothing else, I do my exercise for the day).

waving - but the way it's meant to be, I think, is that they are the prize too. You're meant to try to impress them, and they've got to try equally hard, or harder, to try to impress you. Otherwise it's not going to work.

I'm a bloke. I'm not perfect, I have many, many flaws. But also I'm fantastic, for the right person. I'm the prize too, and a woman should want to impress me, and if there's a woman I'm chatting to who is unimpressive, I'm not going to try and impress her. I'll move on if she's not seeming to bother and wants me to do all the running.

I don't want someone who thinks they deserve a pedestal. But I'd like someone who's great, and thinks I am too.

I think I've used the word impress too much there. This is one of my flaws.

Bant I agree -we are both the prize and both deserve the right person for us. MrRunner doesn't seem to be acknowledging that - there's an assumption that I'm still free and still want to go running with him. He could just have sent a polite message saying "are you still up for running" and acknowledge the challenging running conditions?

The reason I'm seeing him today is because running is very important to me and in my ideal world my boyfriend would be my running partner. And I think this is quite an original date.

Dieu if you go to your settings on POF you can choose when you get emails. I dont get any now since I turned them off and its much more healthy!

running date over and it was good. had a lovely run. Unfortunately i didn't fancy him (he seemed to be about 4 inches shorter than me) but still it was nice to get out.

Hi Blobby. Not sure what you mean by choosing when you get emails. Do you mean choosing not to get them from a certain type of person … or literally choosing the times of day to receive messages?! Sorry, probably a dense question.

Thanks runnymummy

Ok, so far so good in the few hours I've been a POF member. I am actually quite impressed, and it's certainly no worse then Match.
All messages so far have been very nice, respectful, normal. I am having a good bit of banter with one guy in particular. Only thing is, he states in his profile that he uses drugs socially. Think this would be a no-no for me.

I have been strict as fuck in my profile, almost quite schoolmarmish, in terms of my expectations when messaging me (no sleaze, text speak, etc) … and have made no secret of my penchant for strong spelling and grammar! So far it seems to be paying off, and they seem pleased to hear from someone who can string a sentence together.

Of course, I am VERY aware that it is early days. I'm just pleasantly surprised, as I had been led to believe that it would be all dick pics and men asking if they can poo on me

Waving glad it was fine.

Runny I'm afraid if it is all one sided and they show no actual interest in finding out about me I give up on them. They are either not interested or have crap social skills. As for getting nasty when you don't have time to chat, I suggest unmatch him pronto.