Newborn- forseeing upset MIL, help!

[IMissGin]

Currently 36weeks pg and a teensy bit hormonal and anxious. I already have DC1 but this is number 1 for DP.

His mum lives a 6/7hour drive away (could fly in 45mins but chooses not to do her DP always comes too to drive).

They've booked to come down for a few nights staying in local B&b 2weeks after due date so potentially only days old if baby late which wasn't met with any enthusiasm at all, in fact DP had to coax them into coming as they weren't staying in house.

DP mentioned last night that he believes that she'll expect to be asked to come for a week or so to help shortly after and refusal will be interpreted as limiting access to baby etc and likely to cause drama.

I don't know how best to deal with it? I'm a really private person, I've had social anxiety issues over the years, I find house guests for more than a few days difficult. I don't want 'help', the thought of someone taking my baby from me or doing my washing or even being around the house while I'm trying to BF (didn't manage last time) or even still bleeding and up during night makes me want to cry.

They are nice people and truly mean well, I want to have a good relationship with them but I find it very overbearing and I don't know how to help DP understand or how we should deal with it. Does anyone have any advice?

Hope the talk went well OP. Stand your ground and point out to OH how selfish and cruel he is to cause u this much upset and worry so close to giving birth. He should be prioritising baby and yourself first and foremost not his mother's emotional needs. So what if ur family lives close by and might see the baby more? This is not a competition! She can stay in a b&b and visit everyday for a few hrs but she doesn't have to stay over!

My own parents live thousands of miles away but when they came when babies were born (and they come for months at a time) they stay about 5 mins away from us. They come everyday around 2pm and usually stay till 5ish. They almost always bring us dinner and my parents help around the house. I love my parents to bits but couldn't have imagined them living with us. So much to deal with during those first few months, u need ur space but practical help is awesome as long as it doesn't 'cost' u. The support my parents gave me was invaluable. IF his mother truly wants to help and this is not just about her wanting to play mummy, then staying close by and coming to visit for a few hrs would suffice. She could do a daily shop for u, grab some food from supermarket say and pop in and help u around the house and get a cuddle. But is she sees this as a holiday and except u to look after her and host her, frankly tell her and her little boy who needs to grow some balls to fuck right off.

This is about u not him or her.

Better I think. He seems to have given it thought, asked some questions and was much less defensive...

I've set expectations that no house guests are to be assumed until baby is sleeping reliably at night, visits have to be just that- visits (prearranged, no interfering and ended when baby & I tired etc), visits to them will be arranged on our terms and we can stay in hotel if I feel we still need privacy.

He's also promised to be more switched on to how she behaves/what she says.

I really want to give BF a chance of success and have bought wrap sling which I loved last time. Keeping baby close.

That sounds more positive, OP. Well done. And good for him for (eventually!) being prepared to listen, understand and act on your wishes.

Sounds better OP. Just make sure he helps you stick to these rules if people put you under pressure!