What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

You think being unconfident or wanting to avoid emotional intimacy means the men do not feel entitled? That simply speaks to their reasons for not seeking mutual consensual sex and instead choosing a sex worker.

That's as silly as thinking because a man looks professional, is not loutish or has a wife and kids they must not be sexist.

OK Sparrow, why don't you buy sex?

I don't buy it because I get enough, and it's very easy to get a free hookup within 5 minutes of opening Tinder if for any reason I wanted more.

The usual argument advanced is "Why would I pay for it when I can get it for nothing"

It's not black and white. I don't think many men are even conscious of the actual morality of buying consent from a woman because it is so normalised. So because of that it doesn't make all of them deliberately disgusting. Until we change our attitude towards women and sex, we cannot fully blame individual men for their attitudes towards the purchase of women - they live in a culture that accepts it.

And as Ford has shown, many women who work in the industry have also normalised the purchase of their consent, which I find quite sad but I know by saying that I will antagonise her and come across as being patronising- it is not meant that way, I simply don't like to see women have to reduce themselves to a fuckhole and deal with the emotional impact of that and think that is OK. It is not OK - we have sex, despite whatever which way we put it, because it is a biological ultimately about procreation - we desire it at the very base level because of that - and to have to sell that and not decide which mate we go with (by consent) skews the very nature of being a human.

'OK Sparrow, why don't you buy sex?

I don't buy it because I get enough, and it's very easy to get a free hookup within 5 minutes of opening Tinder if for any reason I wanted more.

The usual argument advanced is "Why would I pay for it when I can get it for nothing'

You are so obviously a man it's absolutely laughable Ford.

You honestly think women don't buy sex because they can get it whenever they want?

Again - would you like me to prove I'm a sex worker?

You didn't answer my question about why you don't buy sex.

Women don't buy sex and there aren't a load of male sex workers servicing women because of supply and demand; Men generally have more economic power and do not as often need to reconcile themselves with selling their bodies (supply). Sexism says women don't need to enjoy sex with men and that not enjoying it is normal, it is all about the man ejaculating. Women are told they are to be responsible for men and men are told being masculine is tied with avoiding responsibility for others where possible. Men are not objectified. Men are considered to be proper people in their own right and not additions to women in various ways (demand).

There's still no explanation on this thread as to why we should listen to the small number of the most privileged sex workers, who have "chosen" this work, and ignore the voices of all the prostituted women who have been forced into it, either through poverty or trafficking, and who don't think it's a "job like any other".

I don't buy sex because:

1)I find the idea of buying the use of another person's body absolutely abhorrent.

2. Even if I didn't find it abhorrent, being alone with an unknown man in a sexual situation is an extremely dangerous thing for a woman - I would not enjoy it, I would be tense and frightened.

3. If I bought sex and the man didn't do as I asked I would be blamed for whatever damage he did to me - there would be no hope of me reporting him.

4. The chance of STIs would be too high.

I have no idea how you would prove you are a sex worker.

If you are a sex worker, I'm guessing that you are a male sex worker.

Sorry just reading through catching up on the thread and wanted to ask ford
How on earth do you switch off, I mean you must need to a some point I can't imagine all your clients are suited sexually if you get me? What about the ones who are plain discusting? I just don't know how you would detach from thst?

Hope you don't mind me asking,

Also I noted you said hmrc don't agree
What do you declare to hmrc you do then?

Not posted a lot so hope my bold bits work in my message😕

If you could explain the above Id be very grateful something iv always wondered and have you every been hurt during your work?
Thanks

They must do, though, Looby. Despite not being able or willing to engage in equal, non transactional relationships - the type that lead to consensual non coercive sexual relationships, in their many forms - they still feel that it's their right to have sex with women, that they rent by the hour to do so with.

My main confliction with sex work as a job is really the health and safety side - think of every other job that requires employees to come into contact with bodily fluids. Nurses, pathologists, care workers. They wear gloves, masks, scrubs etc to protect themselves, and they're required to by law and by their employers. If we were to rationalise sex work as a job in the same way, then surely sex workers would have to do the same? But that can never happen, due to the nature of it.

When I was younger I lived with two different girls engaged in sex work. They were happy at the time - they made good money, much more than those of us in 'normal' jobs - but now we are all older and they've stopped sex work and are in relationships etc I think they look back on it differently. From an outsider's POV it certainly hasn't paved the way for particularly healthy relationships with men. So that probably makes me slightly biased too.

If you breakdown the whole industry it is always powerful groups purchasing sex from oppressed groups...

Was just chatting to DH about this yesterday. He has no interest in prostitution, porn or sex talk. It's his personality. Whereas I've had ex boyfriends, friends & family who were into all of the above. Is it just their personality / preferences?

I've worked with clients who are or have been sex workers, some of them have had experiences like NotTheFordType, some of them nothing of the sort. I don't think anyone can claim that ALL sex workers are exploited victims of abuse and violence but obviously many are.

As far as their clients, some friends of mine have been with sex workers, on stag weekends or to brothels after the pubs shut. They were much younger then and wouldn't do it now. I do judge them for it tbh but I certainly don't think they're 'bad men'. We humans are complex creatures who are made up of more than our individual behaviours. 'Good' people can do 'bad' things and vice versa.

There you go NotTheFordType

sex-crimes.laws.com/prostitution/prostitution-statistics

"% of women who say they want to leave prostitution but can't due to lack of money or food - 92%"

Not really the vast majority having a whale of a time is it?

And if you would encourage your daughter to enter prostitution knowing that she has a high chance of being raped, contracting an STD or being beaten, then words fail me.

Christ. I don't know what I was expecting when I clicked your twitter link Ford but it wasn't that.

Ford, you said this:

you can stick your fingers in your ears all you like and refuse to listen to the voices of actual sex workers

I am pointing out to you that I first came to my current anti--prostitution stance as a result of listening "to the voices of actual sex workers". You were the one claiming that there's only one view coming from "actual sex workers".

You claim you chose this line of work and like it. But why should we prioritise your views - since you are one of the privileged ones - over and above the views of the least privileged women in the industry?

Being accepting of prostitution does nothing to help those women who are not doing it because they love it. Plus it does nothing for the general attitude towards women in society. It only benefits those women who are happy to do it.

NotThe, when people talk about women in prostitution who are vulnerable they clearly don't mean women like you who are happy to be a prostitute. That's not the same as trying to say that all women in prostitution are the same. The things people talk about are not shitty stereotypes, they are shitty situations that many women are in currently because of prostitution.

I see -Ford on a lot of threads. For sure she is a woman from her posting history and for sure she is a sex worker.

She's also entitled to give an opinion on the original question on what types of men use a service like this. That was the original question.

It's a lot of men. All ages and backgrounds and a lot of different reasons.

I saw a thread posted on relationships from The Punters website asking why married men used sex workers and I read the thread.

Most of them seemed to be in relationships where they had a long term partner who didn't want sex with them, and they didn't want to leave their family situation, kids, home etc.

Of course there were a few that admitted they did have sex but not to the frequency they'd like, and others that wanted certain sex acts or different women, younger women, hotter women etc etc.

So it was a myriad of answers. But they all felt they had a right to sex.

For the first group of men it seemed like they were looking for a way to fulfil their needs without damaging their status quo, or that of their family set up.

It was quite an insightful read into the workings of their mind.

BTW I'm not standing up for them. I'm just telling you what I read.

NotTheFordType - I've just had a nosy through your twitter feed, I'm fascinated! I love the screenshots of punters inappropriate messages, nice shut downs!

In case of any doubt, the link NotThe provided is not safe for work....

Honestly though ford i read some of your blog. Particularly the post about hating your body until clients started complimenting it.

It hasn't really done much to persuade me of the empowering nature of sex work for women. I find a lot of it pretty heartbreaking TBH.

Not in a 'I feel sorry for you' kind of way. In a 'I am so angry about how society treats women and what they expect from them' way...