My husband is driving me crackers (and has been for a while, several years actually.) As much as I love him, he never stops moaning about his health. Every other week, he complains about a new ailment, and not a week goes by when he isn’t whining about something or other that is (supposedly) causing him pain.
This past fortnight, it’s his shoulder; he thinks it’s ‘fallen out of its socket,’ and he complains continually, wincing and griping every time he moves. It's so annoying!!! He got me to get a sling for him to wear at work (office job,) so he isn’t forced to do anything that ‘might make it worse.’ The other week it was his knees ‘killing him,’ then before that it was his eyes that ‘weren’t right.’ (He said he kept getting things flashing past his eyes, and he wants to go for a test at specsavers - even though he went to Boots opticians and got some new glasses in November, and his eyes were 100% fine then.)
Before that it was his hand that felt swollen and sore and tender; ‘I think I may have arthritis’ he said. Then before that it was his elbow and wrist that were ‘giving him grief.’ He says to me 'feel that, isn't that swollen?' and 'feel that, doesn't that feel cracky and weird?' It never does...
Before that, it was a migraine making him nauseous and blurring his vision, before that it was his ear fuzzing and popping and he said he thinks he’s losing his hearing, before that it was his stomach killing him, and he thought he may have stomach cancer, before that it was his heart ‘beating funny.’ He claimed ‘my heart is just not right: I don’t think I’m long for this world…’
He has had test after test after test at the doctors and the hospital this past 2 years; ECG tests for his heart found nothing, x rays on his shoulders, hands, elbows, hips, etc found nothing, blood tests found nothing, urine tests found nothing, barium meal found nothing, pipes shoved down his throat found nothing, tests on his eyes and ears found nothing...
He has had test after test after test on every part of his body. Nothing! He just claims they are all 'wrong.' and keeps going back again and again to the doctors, and says he will keep doing so until they discover something. I almost think he WANTS them to find something - but I have no idea why! Maybe so he can go on the sick and give up work! He seems DESPERATE for them to find something. Even our daughter said she thinks he would be over the moon if they said he had cancer or something!
They have tested for half a dozen different things, and he has had painkiller after painkiller, anti inflammatories, anti biotics, all sorts. ‘I think I may have fibromyalgia’ he said a while back; I am in such pain all the time.' They tested for this too. Negative. Again. He now has the strongest possible painkillers, and claims they don’t work at all. I have these painkillers and they work a treat. The doctor can give him nothing stronger.
He claimed he was depressed about 7 years back and had anti depressants every month for about 2 or 3 years. We had been receiving free prescriptions for a few years (maybe 5 or 6,) because of low income, then 3 years ago, our income exceeded the amount where you get free prescriptions, and when we had to start paying, he instantly came off the anti Depressants. ‘I’m not paying £8 every month!’ he said … Suggesting to me that he didn’t need them.
He doesn’t have much time off work, but he is always buying aids for this and that (like slings, walking sticks, arm and knee supports,) and getting prescriptions at £8-9 a time, (he seems OK with paying now!) So it’s starting to eat into our budget now.
And NOW he says he wants a full body MRI scan and is going to go private to ‘find out what’s wrong with me.......!’ This can cost 4 figures. We don’t have loads of money, we only just get by, and we never have more than £500 in savings, so he said he will put it on his credit card (which will max it out!)
I am furious about this, I am fed up of his moaning, and I want to draw the line here. No WAY is this happening. It’s HIS credit card but it’s OUR bank account and joint finances that will suffer because of this, as he will pay the instalments back out of OUR money.
I want to scream at him ‘FOR GOODNESS SAKE! there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!’ Get a grip! You have had test after test after test and nothing has ever come up!' But I don’t want a row, and I don't want to make him feel bad. Maybe he does feel ill sometimes, (maybe!) but there is definitely nothing wrong with him.
I said ‘what if this MRI scan finds nothing wrong?’ (which is what will happen!) he said ‘I will ask them to redo it because there IS something wrong with me.' (There isn’t!) We are both in our 50's and he has always been a moaner, but it’s only been about his health for about 6-7 years, moreso the last 3 or so!
WWYD? I am at the end of my rope. Some days I feel torn between leaving him or killing him!
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Advice please. Husband driving me insane with constant moaning about his health.
user1484750550 · 02/02/2017 19:05
This is going very badly. 
Well he just got up and I said I am sorry if I upset him. He said 'of COURSE you upset me, you called me a hypochondriac, and a liar who is making up shit for attention...! I know how I feel! I know I'm in pain all the time, I know I am suffering. Thanks for making me feel like a lying cheating piece of shit. I won't go to the doctors ever again, and I will never ever complain to YOU ever again; obviously I am getting on your nerves with my lying about being ill all the time, so I shan't bother you again. Don't bother me again though, about anything EVER.'
I tried to tell him that I DIDN'T think he was making it up, and I DIDN'T think he was lying; just that something is amiss if he has had test after test and scan after scan for about 10-12 different things over several years, and nothing has ever come up on any of them.
He said he is never going to the doctors again now, and is not going for the x ray, and he will never moan again about anything and he is SORRY for putting me through soooooo much with his complaining. He has basically gone apeshit, and made out I am a massively inconsiderate horrible cow who is accusing him of lying about being in pain. I am NOT: I believe he feels pain, but I also don't think there is actually anything wrong with him...(physically.)
I just said 'it's almost like you WANT them to find something wrong! I think you would be over the moon if they found you had cancer or something! The disappointment shows in your face when they discover nothing AGAIN.'
I also said 'I think you need to talk to someone; maybe the doctor can refer you to a counsellor..to talk about why you think there are so many things wrong with you, and why you feel pain when nothing is wrong.' 'OH!' he said 'so you want me to go see someone about how I am lying about being in pain?! Fucking dream on!'
And I started to get a bit angry when he got more and more snide and sarcastic with me, and I said 'put yourself in my shoes; what if it was me continually coming up with ailment after ailment, complaining constantly, going to the doctors and the hospital time and time again, complaining about pain during every conservation, every day, a new ailment every few weeks....... After 3 or 4 years of this, would you not be a bit frustrated and pissed off?' Especially if I went for test after test after test, and nothing was wrong?' 'Well thanks for your support!' he said, and stormed out and drove off in the car. I don't even know where he's gone...
Frankly, I am sick of spending hour after hour in hospital waiting rooms, doctors surgeries, x ray departments, and phlebotomy clinics and suchlike, for NOTHING, because NOTHING is wrong with him. And it's all too much now. One ailment after another, nothing ever proven or confirmed.
It's gone as badly as it possibly could have, and I think it's a case of 'the truth hurts' and I sure hit a raw nerve.
It had to be said though, because I can't cope with the 7 days a week moaning and whingeing and complaining any longer... It's been 6 or 7 years now, and particularly bad for the last 3 or so.
I just don't know what to do now.
I do sympathise with you. My DH has health anxiety. It peaked a couple of months ago. It reached the point where he was crying on me daily because he was convinced he was dying....because his skin was itchy 
However he hates the doctors so avoided going for weeks too. He had convinced himself he had weeks to live. I had a great difficulty to not just shout YOU'RE NOT DYING! but obviously I didn't because it wouldn't have helped. I did finally persuade him to see the GP. He started on meds and had blood tests (all fine). He is much better now, waiting for counselling.
However...on the flip side. I have chronic pain. Blood tests are fine. CT was fine. Ultrasound scan and colonoscopy (oh that was unpleasant!) were normal. So (on the advice of a friend who is a GP) I've asked for a rheumatology referral to see if there's anything they can pick up. It's pretty crap having chronic pain that has no obvious cause. Even I wonder if it's psychosomatic?! I do think I'd struggle if DH questioned it too (he's been very supportive). I have also started on medication for anxiety because I do struggle. It's helped the anxiety but the pain is unchanged, unfortunately.
Has your DH ever seen a rheumatologist? I see other people have queried fibro...it could explain all his aches and pains. I think a lot of people with conditions like fibro, ME are written off as hypochondriacs before they are diagnosed.
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