How to get DH to snap out of it? 1 week old baby.

[Mysterycat23]

Sorry for epically long ranty post. Not sure where to post this so sorry if in the wrong place.

Recently had first baby 1 week ago. Baby totally fine, struggling with DH.

He has been sleeping the night in spare room while I do nights (bf) and then having baby while I cat nap through the day. However he rolls his eyes at me when I ask for food/drink or for him to do some housework. We have talked and he has said he needs time alone which he is ALREADY FUCKING HAVING while me and baby sleep in the day. He also mentioned wanting to go and do his hobby with mates which tbh I shut down by pointing out he was on paternity leave not on holiday. He's acknowledged it's wrong to go off doing hobby on pat leave but still in a huge piss.

What is fucking me off the most is the food thing. He is not even thinking "hmm lunch time = food". It will get to 2pm, he has not eaten or offered me lunch or even worse made himself a snack and not made anything for me. I'm having to remind/ask instead and then I'm rewarded with the eye roll and the pissyness. By the way the freezer is literally filled with batch cooked meals I bloody well made on mat leave.

I am finding it incredibly hurtful and disappointing. I just don't know what to do to get him to snap out of it. I'm at the point of thinking I will have to cry and scream to get him to grow the fuck up but why should I have to get worked up and be the one to yet again be rocking the boat while he gets to say how demanding I am.

We had a big convo tonight which somehow ended up being about me not listening when he was talking about an actor in a film we were watching and how disrespectful I was being. 😑

Just didn't expect this, when I had terrible ms in first trimester he was fantastic at looking after me and did everything perfectly willingly. What can I do or say to get him to snap the fuck out of it??

TL;DR

1 week old baby, DH prefers to watch Netflix and play Xbox than microwave a tupperware to feed mum. Where can I get a cattle prod?

So...would you be giving the same indulgent advice to a lesbian co-parent? And if not, why not? Is it the affliction with a penis that somehow overrules the idea it might be unkind to expect a woman who had just given birth to take life a bit easy and be looked-after and cooked for

Another vote for this

maybe split the site into "Handmaidenfuckingcentralnet" and whatever the other section would be called

It's all these threads appearing in the DM; it don't half attract the 1950s hausfraus.

Yy, Lorelei!!

It's not long ago that all women were kept in hospital on bed rest for a week after giving birth, before they went home with their LO. Why is that, I wonder? Perhaps because it was recognised that even with a straightforward delivery there is benefit to getting some decent rest and recovering properly

If as a society - and particularly within a relationship with someone who is supposed to love you - we can't be kind to women who have just undergone an intensely emotional and physically hard event, when the fuck can we?

I agree with AnotherEmma. You are in an abusive relationship. Contact Women's Aid 0808 247 2000 available 24/7, and take advice before naming him on baby's birth certificate. His behaviour will most likely get worse for you and DC if you stay.
Also, in time, get yourself on the Freedom Programme
Good luck

keepingonrunning I think Op is married so her Husband is already the legal Father.

My DH registered our youngest two DCs on his own without me there a week or so after they were born. I was recovering from a section each time, he doesn't drive, I do but obviously couldn't so soon and it was easier for him to go and me to look after newborn and other DCs at home.

presumably she will be bf in two weeks when he goes back to work? Will she then not eat until he's home?

Possibly two weeks further on from the birth she'll be less sore/stitches/wounds have had a chance to heal a bit, have recovered somewhat from the birth and be more able to manage.

I remember coming home from giving birth to DD1 and OH hadn't even changed the bed linen. My waters had broken over them. He managed to leave hospital after the delivery, stop off an get himself a pizza and watch movies all night though.

With DD2 he asked me to clean out the food waste (outside) bin the day I gave birth as the smell made him gag.
Men can be fucking useless.

I think it's a bit harsh to refuse access to any hobbies and the food thing is a bit odd. If your in pain or struggling, then I take that bk as he should absolutely help you.

What a depressing thread.

How and why are these men so utterly shit? Haven't come across this personally. Would say Dh was amazing but he just did what any decent person would do if their spouse had just got out of hospital and needed to recover. It's not fucking rocket science is it.

My mother and her friends had 2 weeks bed rest in hospital even after straightforward births how have we got to this? Gone backwards it seems.

WHY SHOULDN'T THE OP BE LOOKED AFTER FOR A FORTNIGHT?

Or was everyone else on this thread leaping back into domestic martyrdom the day after giving birth?

I did bugger-all. For weeks. I felt bloody dreadful but even if I hadn't, why shouldn't someone who has just given birth to a new baby do bugger-all?

And I repeat, would you all be so indulgent about a lesbian co-parent who wanted to lounge around on Xbox or go out to do a hobby??

I think it's a bit harsh to refuse access to any hobbies

I don't think she was refusing access to hobbies, just pointing out that home might be a better place for him the week after she'd just given birth!!
My DH plays rugby every Saturday, trains 2 evenings a week. He had 2 weeks off while he was on paternity leave, as he was at home getting to know his brand new baby and looking after his wife!

This thread is not good for my blood pressure.

God me too. Why is house shit women's domain even when wiped out by childcare and keeping a newborn alive day and night while great big lummoxing men children play on computer games. ASTOUNDING

Childbirth not childcare

And the 'come on, you can surely manage to rustle up a meal when you've just given birth' attitude is baffling. Yeah, I'm sure she could. BUT WHY THE FUCK SHOULD SHE??!!! There's another able bodied adult there in the house with her who hasn't just given birth and who isn't breastfeeding a newborn!!

Agree with KERALA. 100%.

I'm staying well away from Handmaidenfuckingcentralnet, that's for sure!!

It's well known that stupid and immature men get stroppy when the baby comes along because they are no longer nr. 1.

He sounds absolutely awful tho. Did he ever get out of his teen years?

Once you are back on your feet, I would be looking at going it alone.
He won't change. You''ll have two kids.

I did it. Best thing ever. (and mine is 25 now).

I'm glad it's not just me. It really has turned into HMFCN hasn't it?

A partner (who has not had a baby) is on parental leave to provide support to the parent who has had the baby. It is their job to do the cooking, cleaning and bring cups of tea and snacks while the woman who has given birth heals her wounds and establishes breastfeeding.

Parental leave is not: time off for hobbies, a chance to get to the next level in a computer game, hang out with your mates or enjoy lie ins paid for by your employer.

EXACTLY, Jiggly!

Your OH is a fucking disgrace and the usual goady fuckers on this thread aren't far behind him and I don't understand why Mumsnet lets them post this absolute shite.

I know, kitty
By parents, for parents

Blah blah

It's one long sexist goady-fucker fest these days....

I don't know the ops Dh of course but find myself pretty much hating him