I wish I hadn't seen this. WWYD?

[Bamboofordinneragain]

A bit of background - we have a friendship group of five other couples, all late forties/early fifties, DC grown and gone in most cases. We have all been close for many years.
So, last week I had a meeting in a town some distance from home. Meeting over, I was having coffee in a cafe before heading back to work. The cafe was on the first floor, overlooking the market square. Giving me a birds eye view of two of our group, hand in hand, happy as Larry, walking through the market. You will guess the next bit...

Two of my oldest friends, not married to each other, out on an awayday. I felt sick. Still do. I had no idea either marriage was rocky, although her DH can be very difficult. I haven't told anybody about this, and my gut feeling is not to. My DH doesn't know, and I hate keeping stuff from him. The man involved is his closest friend in the group, so maybe he knows and hasn't told me?
But WWYD? I am very unwilling be the one who escalates this any further - things surely can't end well in any case, so what good would telling anybody do? But if it was my DH would I want to know? I just want to hibernate for a while...

I'm nearly certain it isn't a cover up, but I'm far less certain that he would have ever told his wife if it hadn't come to the crunch. My DH has just walked in and asked how things are in our particular episode of Eastenders - more like the Archers, given where we live. I am still reeling a bit from all this. I haven't talked to the 'wronged wife' yet, but we have been messaging. She is heartbroken. I haven't asked her about the rather it being somebody she knows thing, not my business. It's such a bizarre thing to say, but I can sort of see what she means.

I'm amazed then, that she made it through Saturday evening without falling to pieces.

You're a good friend, OP. You and DH have done the right thing, imo. This could have carried on for ages and ended completely differently -2 marriages breaking up instead of potentially just 1 if you hadn't seen them. The wronged wife has a right to know and make her own decision about what she wants to do. And it's forced X and Y to stop sneaking around and face their own relationship problems head on.

The thing is that we never know what goes on in someone else's marriage. People go through all sorts of shit situations throughout their marriages and yet maintain normal life in front of their friends and families, often for years.

Sometimes people fall apart on the inside but maintain a calm collected attitude on the outside.

Not the same at all, but many' the time I've socialised with friends and family and my now XH, and people believed we were happy, and then we used to go home and talk about whether we were going to stay together or get divorced. to the point that when we did eventually split people were surprised and would never have guessed.

Maybe she suspected he was having an affair but didn't know for sure/who it was. So she was weirdly relieved on one level when she was finally told some semblance of the truth. As for appearing 'normal' maybe she was in shock and didn't know how to act. Maybe she didn't want the other woman to know how broken she feels. I remember wanting to keep my composure at all costs (to not let others think 'that's why he looked elsewhere'). Thankfully you didn't have to carry their lie. But don't think for one minute they told their spouses from any streak of kindness. It will have been to save their own arses no doubt. The husband may not want his wife to divorce him on the count of adultery etc.

Maybe she suspected he was having an affair but didn't know for sure/who it was. So she was weirdly relieved on one level when she was finally told some semblance of the truth

That's something we see posted on relationships frequently. The wronged person thinks they are going mad, they doubt themself and their cheating partner adds to that by making them doubt themself so they don't realise what a shit he's been and he hides it from her so he can keep on being a shit with less consequences.

So he thought he would "help" her by having an affair and dropping her like a hot stone as soon as his wife found out, so that she gets rejected by her husband, then him and then the rest of their friends when they all find out?

What a fucking charmer. I wouldnt be giving him the time of day for what he did to his wife, and what he has done to the OW isnt exactly honourable either, although obviously my sympathy for her is limited given that she was fucking her friends husband.

Oh and if this is the first time he has cheated then I am a monkeys uncle, he seems far more controlled and prepared than a man on his first "mistake" would be.

So where does the woman party to the "affair" figure in all of this? Has she just been discarded now by X, will she (and her checked out of their relationship husband) still be part of the friendship group? So awkward for everyone!

OP, I'm glad that they saw you, so they had to do something before you did. It looks like the news was going to come out at some point, you seeing them just precipitated it. It's so sad that your friendships have taken this turn, I hope you all recover your friendships even though things will be different now.

Yes, your DH does sound like a bit of a diamond, as do you.

Uhm really?

Gosh they all sound very reserved, to put it mildly! Very unusual behaviour to go on a cosy couples night out after hearing this and show no emotion at all! Where do you all live, stepford?

Sorry that sounded harsher than it was supposed to! But it is all rather odd. At least you don't have to carry the secret or feel any responsibility for what happens next now though.