Thread for those who have left marriages that weren't AWFUL, just unsatisfying (pt. III) (1000 Posts)

[Porffor]

As the title says - carried forward from first two threads.

@IronNeonClasp glad to hear you have managed to stay amicable with your ex.
I am somewhere in the middle of this journey have told DH we are not good/ struggling he is desperate for us to stay together and having read this thread tonight I realise like many others the thought of the upheaval for my kids and him if I end our relationship is awful. Feeling selfish and yet knowing I can't go on like this for much longer!
Although you have had a rough time are you happy with the choice you made? I don't think I would regret separating but worry it might not be best for kids.
I'm 39 and the thought of stagnating in a passionless stunted relationship for another 5 yrs let alone 30 yrs ix just awful....

Takethegirl yes - best decision I've ever made. No hesitation. I wouldn't go back and unlikely to live with someone again. Happy with my kids and my lot for now

This thread was a huge support through my journey. If I can help with any advice let me know..

Hello all.

Old poster here- this thread became my lifeline in 2016/2017.

Iron great to hear of progress, also with the alcohol. I do recall how miserable you were. I'm do happy that you have left him it's hard seeing exdp with new partners though.

I'm separated two years now. My one my ever regret is that i didn't do it sooner although having a toddler and a preschooler was stressful.

I have managed to keep me and my two afloat , however exdp had brought about all sorts of drama harassment and emotion abuse. He rarely has the children , and I only communicate through his gf, at his request. My children have been remarkably resilient and I have focused on giving them as much stability as possible. I was also surprised myself after OLD to meet someone who I adore, who treats us all with utmost love and respect and who is devoted to family life. He is away a lot so I continue to be a single parent half the time , that is something I am now so used to.

Every day, even when I feel overwhelmed with work kids and home I am also hugely grateful for these things and for having left exdp. It was slowly killing me.

@IronNeonClasp thanks for answering
I can see from your posts that it took you a while to make the jump I've been waivering for two years!!
Was there a lightbulb moment for you?
At the moment things are ok at home no bad atmosphere no big rows I just feel sad and selfish for not being happy with my lot which from the outside looks pretty good
Good man, dad nice house good jobs 2 kids pets and financially stable!
It feels so difficult cos if there was abuse affairs or bad behaviour I feel I would have a reason to go yet here I am contemplating leaving all this for the unknown 😩
Sorry a bit of a rant x

Barnburnt - good to hear from you Sounds like you are doing really well. Amazing the resilience we can summon up.

Takethegirl - yes it was Oct 16. I posted about it. Final straw. Took 5m then to work out I could afford to take on my very small house and give him some money despite my friend thinking I was nuts giving him anything.

I've been working on the house the last two weeks when I have been here. I've finally implemented the plan I had in my head for how I was going to arrange our rooms. Its only a two bed so I've bought a triple sleeper for my daughter (I threw out the marital bed when he moved out) I had been sleeping in a toddler bunk for 15m. My boy now has his 'own' room and I can facilitate sleepovers etc for the kids. So it's only taken me 15 months to get around to doing this!

Giving up drinking has helped sort myself and our house out. I hadn't realised how bad I had become... Very easily done under the circumstances. Not excusing what I had become but I guess we all deal with things in our own way..

But to reaffirm - life is too short to question putting up with something that is more stressful than not. Putting up with someone else's shit when you shouldn't. Obviously you should work at it - which I did for years - but if you've tried everything and nothings working. Also I should stress - I didn't meet anyone before we officially 'split'. I just got tired off his emotional outbursts and expectations on me. Trying to be a mother to my kids and him was the hardest time of my life..