Hi Ladies. Long time lurker going through similar to others.
DP here of 10 years. 2 kids. One girl nearly 8 and a boy, nearly 2. I'll be 42 this year. Him 45.
I'm not convinced we've ever been particularly well suited to be honest. He's not a bad man, but not a particularly nice one at times either (to me, at least).
We went through counselling about 5 years ago. Instigated by me. He is/was prone to periods of being withdrawn coupled with mood swings. At the time, I thought it was probably brought about by his (excessive) weed smoking habit. During that time he lied out of his arse to me about having stopped etc. Of course, he hadn't. I agreed to give it another go after he referred himself for drug addiction counselling and (apparently genuinely) stopped.
Since then, his mood swings have pretty much gone- and at times- we get on brilliantly and have a good life together. So much so, we had our little boy.
DP is extremely supportive in a practical sense. Does pretty much everything around the home. Supported me through a degree, supportive of my hobbies etc in that he will look after our kids and the house whilst I get on with whatever it is I want to do.
BUT he is just so...joyless. I wake up in the morning, wanting to chat, be silly with the kids and show some enthusiasm for the day ahead. He rolls over and pretends to be asleep. It's also nigh on impossible to get a conversation out of him. I get one word answers to any questions and he shows little genuine interest in anything I say. He also seems to avoid me and the kids in our own house- finding stuff to do for hours on end in another room whilst listening to sport. In fact, the only time I ever see him show any genuine interest in pretty much anything is when it's sport related.
Just recently, he has taken to staying up until the small hours, drinking and watching sport, and then falling asleep on the sofa. I then get woken up in the middle of the night as he lays on the remote and the volume goes up. He then comes up to bed 3 or 4 am. Our little boy wakes around 5.30 am. This is happening 3 or 4 times per week. I have told him that it upsets me and disturbs my sleep. He still does it. He can't help falling asleep, apparently. Other stuff is things like not noticing or not caring if I'm crying. Also occasionally coming out with (in my opinion) unpleasant stuff about other people for no good reason. I don't know- I think I just find him..cold hearted. He would say though that I am just being negative about him.
In a nutshell, I feel wretchedly lonely with him. But I'm also petrified of what would happen if we split. Both in terms of upsetting the kids, me being even lonelier, him being lonely and also me coping on a practical and financial level. I currently work from home (a contributing factor to my loneliness probably). I have no family. Both my parents died young. My sister, although kindly has her own issues and my brother lives on the other side of the planet.
I don't want to be poor me- I know there are others who have been in worse situations and have made it out the other side. I just don't know what to do for the best.
Thanks for reading. It's good yo get it off my chest, and as someone else said up thread, may be useful to have a record of how I feel.
Love to all.