Thread for those who have left marriages that weren't AWFUL, just unsatisfying (pt. III) (1000 Posts)

[Porffor]

As the title says - carried forward from first two threads.

Just decided to come back on here now everything has settled down and saw your news Iron! I'm so pleased for you! I have been wondering how you were getting on.

Everything is going well for me. Not plain sailing but I'm happy and feeling more settled by the day. Every time I have to try to communicate with my ex I know 100% that I have made the right decision. I don't miss him at all, although I do miss the kids when they are not here. Money has been tight but manageable and I have just been offered a promotion at work which will help. I finally feel like things are moving in the right direction and I am getting a little bit of good luck.
Hope everybody else is doing ok.

Yeah I wonder about the wedding photos too. DS may want to look through them one day I guess? The thing is, it's a record of a time we really were genuinely happy, and it's nice to have a record of that, even if it didn't last.

I'm out now! In own place for the last week. DS has been with XH but I've seen him most days, and today he's coming to mine for the next week, so we can start making it "our" house properly rather than just mine. DS has been grumpy and playing up a bit I think – partly the heat and partly a pretty understandable reaction.

I love being on my own and feel so happy to be out – but then also really guilty about DS, and guilty that I'm happy about something so upsetting to him. I really do think it will be better for all of us in the long run though – just have to concentrate on that.

So good to hear some positivity on here! Well the house is pretty much sold. Paperwork being sorted at the moment so looking like will be in my new place during summer holidays (just need to find one!) Nisi has been applied for so should hopefully hear back from that end of next month. Him and I are being politely civil to each other but so awkward and difficult still under the same roof.

On another note.. I've been asked out on a date!! Don't know whether to go as feels weird while technically I'm still married and under the same roof! But emotionally in feel I'm ready. Him and I haven't had any kind of relationship for around 18 months now so definitely feeling it would be nice to be wined and dined and have some fun 😊 Mr date I've known for years as used to work in same business and then he became one of our customers. He's separated and has a child so wouldn't be anything heavy so really tempted but also feel extremely guilty for even thinking about this yet.

Hi all. Two months out of the house and adjusting slowly and xdh drops a bombshell he's getting friendly with a girl and thought I should know.

Bad hair Thank you :) Congratulations on the promotion ! V happy for you!
Lego Congrats on the new pad ! Hope you're settling in and you're going to have a party!
Misswhat Update please!!
Shandy I'm sorry to read. Can you elaborate?

So I guess I should 'come clean' really with you guys. I met someone end of March. Bear in mind relationship with ex was dire for a good couple of years and meeting someone was not on my agenda - At All. But I went with it as he's a really really lovely nice, nice person.
But I'm struggling to do the divorce forms and I haven't mentioned to ex as I'm still married - urgh. So ex could do me on adultery etc. I feel like I'm having an affair all the time. Not sure how to get this divorce form filled in pronto to be cut from ex so I can properly move on.

But it's a strange old life. I really hadn't expected to meet someone.

Kids are ok. I've had a shitty few weeks. Wish things were moving forward and desperate for promotion to reimburse the cash I've lost. But I'm coping and working full-time and juggling everything. I didn't know how hard it was going to be in all honesty. But when I see the crack in the bedroom door, and I get the phone calls in work about 'shit', I know I've made the right decision...

Good reading all the updates, we have all finally moved on I think.

Other than some irritations with ex life has moved on for me.

Managing house on my own, big promotion & payrise at work, kids met my new boyfriend and I've met his - all got on great. I've lost weight and I'm crazily in love and planning a new future.

Well done Iron and Hot for being able to move on. I've just been floored by my exdh moving on so soon. He's just told me a week ago but him and his new squeeze got friendly a month ago it seems. We split 2 months ago. I know it should be fine and I don't mean any ill will, but I am a bit pissed that he could move on so soon. I'd been saying for the last two years we were in trouble and he'd been in denial insisting it was my problem and still professing he loved me and wanted to carry on to the end when I was trying to show him what a sham we were and he was doing nothing to show me he loved me or trying to listen and adapt his ways. And yet a month later he can move on while I feel I've done all the hard soul searching, taken all the associated flak of separating and had to downgrade and move out of the family home with very little, while he's just stood there in denial refusing to change a mm and denying any responsibility in the break up and then moved on unscathed and with most people's sympathies.
I don't want sympathy but why should he get it, really, just cos he's not a murderer or abuser. Oh sorry yes he did abuse me but I can't say that to protect my kids and the people I have told have completely distanced themselves like I'm toxic and catching. It's such a hard pill to swallow.

Hi. No update from anybody. Has everyone moved on and aren't coming back?

I'm still here! been to see a house today and think I am going to say yes to it tomorrow! Rent is a little more than wanted to pay but location wise is perfect. Unfortunately stbxh is also staying in the same village (buying flat) but is completely opposite end so hopefully our paths shouldn't cross too often!
I also been on a couple of dates with new Mr and loving it! Didn't take me long to stop feeling guilty. I've had no proper relationship in 18 months and ex is still acting like a pr*ck so onwards and upwards. House sale is still going through so still hoping for summer holidays to move

Oh I'm still bloody here! Just this thread has become tumbleweed! Fed up of being the only previously 'unsatisfied' one checking in 😬

Shandy - I totally get what you are saying. Time will play out for you. You sound so lovely. It's around the corner I'm so certain. Not like that is what you want necessarily but god knows - you deserve it.

Lego - so happy for you 😍

Eek! Notification today that nisi to be read in just over 2 weeks! Wasn't expecting for at least 3 weeks so nice surprise

Hi ladies, posted on here a while ago and a lot has happened since then. Beginning of April I told h I did not love him anymore and wanted to separate. He said he was shocked, it came completely out of the blue etc then asked if I was having an affair, how this was going to kill our dc, how he had nothing to live for, how I would never cope on my own etc etc etc.
I told him it was going to be amicable for our dc and I will not engage in arguments or petty shit anymore and I have stuck to my word.
He on the other hand is having a dig about money whenever he can (even though he has moved into a rental which is saving him a LOT of money every month and I have taken over all the bills myself including the mortgage). I told him how much I wanted in a child maintenence standing order and he did that without any hassle.
Apart from his initial outburst he has done absolutely nothing to try to change my mind about leaving, no grand gestures, no promises etc so it looks like he was as unhappy as me but didn't have the guts to initiate anything (story of our marriage right there). My decision to end it was the right one.

Our dc have made me so proud with a very mature and practical attitude, looking forward to staying over at dads place and also seems happier, I feel so lucky to have such wonderful dc in my life.
So life right now life is hectic when I am working and have dc but we are coping. H has dc for 2 days a week when hes not working so on those days I can do whatever I want which is exciting because I am starting a degree course later this year!
I feel sort of reborn and I cannot thank you inspirational women enough, we are all superwomen!!!xxx

Hi Iron, Ruddy and Miss
Iron I know what you mean things have been quiet here for a while. I guess I've just been trying to adjust and settle into single life and life without my kids for three nights which I am struggling with, but it was helping that exdh and I were communicating well. Then he told me he was starting a relationship and it's just floored me. I am so emotional. Better this week but I can't work out my feelings. Did I want Jim back? Am I cross that he's moving on so soon. Is it the guilt I'm feeling and how different he must be feeling. Did he really want out and was just making out he wasn't. I thought I was just getting some perspective and now I just feel like a wronged woman losing her shit but not really allowed to and not really understanding it either.
Miss grêt news re decree.
Ruddy I wish you luck and you Iron old friend

Hi everyone.
Shandy - how are you doing lovely? A better week?
My world dropped out of my lap last Thursday when I checked my bank balance. Awful awful and had no idea of funds. Ex was "And??"
Really shown his true colours last week or so.
Hope everyone's ok?

Hi Iron. Omg you poor thing is it really bad? Finances scare the shit out of me even though I am in a relatively good position.
I'm feeling better, I think it was the finality of his actions moving on when with perspective I was starting to wonder whether there were things we could do to get back together. But then I renmember all the chances I gave him and how stubborn he was and also seeing him grumpy again brought it back to me how he was. I do still feel guilty about having a failed marriage, for the dcs, my disappointed family and me, and I think his conscience is far clearer as he can say although he never tried changing anything or understanding my point of view it was me who finally left. And even then by doing that he got the better deal, staying in our family home.
I wanted to ask him whether he now thinks it was the right thing to split, but I'm not quite brave enough as his answer could help me move on but maybe not.
Waves to all.

How's everyone doing? Fleeting post I'm afraid so sorry to any newbies. Will try and read properly this week.
I've been up and down this last week, money worries me. Also have some results today from an MRI I had a couple of weeks ago. I am going on 'holiday' Fri to Mon with my 'friend' so looking forward to that. Hoping to chill out and read and walk and rest.
Did 'family lunch' yesterday. Everything seems to revolve around food with him and he's so bloody negative. I find it pretty draining. Don't miss him at all. Kids seem a lot better with the arrangement now. That's made me feel much better.
Hope you're all good

Where is everyone?

Hope your results came back ok, Iron

Yup money worries here too and h is being an absolute dick about it but at least he is confirming I made the right decision to end it.

Kudos to doing the family lunch, at the moment we are civil in front of dc but that is only for handovers etc. There is no way I could be at a table with him for a prolonged period as everything about him now just sets my teeth on edge. You evidently have the patience of a saint!

Hi hi. Results came back clean. All v odd.
How are you all doing 'everyone in in unsatisfying relationships?

I'm still here but sadly not much progress to report. I told him it was over back in March and while he seems to have accepted that's the way it is (absolutely NO effort to find out if there was anything he could do to change my mind) he seems to think we can carry on like we are and maybe put the house on the market next spring!

I have told him I don't feel this is acceptable, that we should both be able to move on and that I'd hoped we could have been on the market in the autumn. His reasoning is that 'there's so much to do on the house' and that he doesn't know where he wants to go yet. I have pointed out that while we should indeed do some refresher painting, we don't have to make the place like new and that I will pay for someone to do what's necessary if this will help speed things up.

I know that my telling him I didn't love him any more came as surprise to him (yes, living with someone who does no housework, makes no effort to get a job, spends my money on tat without a thought, isn't interested in sex, can't cope unless I am agreeing with him on everything etc etc is hugely attractive, why would I possibly not love him any more?). But he has already had four months to think about where he wants to go, to explore some options, talk to people etc. Why should I carry on supporting his lifestyle while he decides what to do! Probably sounds mean but it makes me despair ....

Thought this thread might need a little bump 🤗 Anyone still around? Thought I would add a short update..

ExH and I getting on amicably. As far as I know he hasn't met anyone. He's always been a good dad but is excelling at this. I am somewhat the nag, and he buys them toys.. I've just taken out a loan to pay for the divorce. Should be with me next few days so will be sending the form off with a cheque. Kids (where I've had them) and I have had a good summer. I've been seeing someone since March but haven't told ex or kids etc. We've not really talked about the future or anything just taking it weekend by weekend, very early days but he's not like anyone I've met before. Wasn't in my life plan by any means but sometimes you just have to go with what life gives you?
Have had some really bad and destructive evenings where I've hit the bottle hard and had a meltdown in work last Friday missing my kids and bf. But back on a path to routine; school etc.
New mortgage has been a total pain whilst exH solicitor sit on signed transfer doc. Fed up of chasing them. So it's all a bit strange. Ex has been gone 4m this month. Haven't missed him at all. Sometimes I wonder if I should have worked harder to make it work but I am a punishing myself type of person I guess. Financially I am in a very bad way - but making ends meet...

So just wanted to revive this thread in case anyone is feeling the same way. You don't need to put up with unsatisfying. It seemed like a huge mountain ahead of me but I'm coming through it now 💐

It is good to hear how people are doing, I think - gives the rest of us hope!

Can I bump this? Can't reply or read properly right now but need to place mark so I can come back to it again (took ages to find it)...

Welcome Molly. Hope you're ok

I posted on here a while back. And not much has changed :( I rejected a cuddle this morning so the atmosphere has been very strained. We've had the talk and both agreed to keep trying - but I just don't know how I feel about our marriage anymore.

Two kids and married nearly 7yrs. He works from home so would be tricky for him to be the one to leave. If I'm thinking like that it's not good is it? :( I recently went away for a weekend alone to try and sort my thoughts. It doesn't help that my career is far from settled with just a temp contract at the moment and no idea what to do next. I can't honestly see us together in 5 years. But the kids would be devastated...