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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Parents house, very complicated!

211 replies

Emboo19 · 19/01/2017 11:46

I feel bad even putting this on here and it's rather complicated so apologies.
I'm 19 and have a dd, I was due to start uni last year, but it's delayed due to baby. Will be going this year instead. I live with my parents, this is the complicated part.
The house is legally mine, left by great grandma to me. My parents were young when they had me and a bit irresponsible, so my mum wasn't left anything herself. The condition being they could live in it, until I was older also some money was left in care of my grandparents for maintenance/modernisation etc!

I've always known it's mine and me and my parents get on really well, not so much a traditional parent/child relationship though. I always thought/said that once I'd finished uni, we'd look at selling the house and split the money me and my parents 50/50 or they could buy my half. Obviously I didn't plan a baby though.
I went out for lunch with my grandma yesterday and we discussed the house, she said she'd spoke to my mum and she thinks that the we will stick with selling/buying when I finish uni as I've said previously. This will mean I'll still be living with my parents when my daughters 4/5 and I don't think I want that. I've not really thought about it until my grandma mentioned it though.
My grandma thinks I need to get it sorted now and that my parents need to be responsible for themselves, she thinks I should look at getting a solicitor and getting the house valued. My mum and her parents don't have the best relationship, so she's a bit biased.
Obviously I wouldn't see my parents homeless and my mum now has a buissness she runs from the house, so needs to stay really.
Would I be horrible to raise this with them? And how do I do that? What time scale do I give them? They are not very proactive in sorting things at all!

If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't even bother and probably wouldn't have asked to sell or for any money at all! I've now to think of security for my daughter though and I don't think I'd be eligible for any help towards housing if I legally own a property.

OP posts:
Atenco · 20/01/2017 19:19

That sounds like a really good solution, Emboo

Noctilucent · 20/01/2017 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MimsyFluff · 20/01/2017 22:01

I wouldn't sell your childhood home, you said you wanted to spend future Christmases there and wouldn't it be nice for your daughter to spend her childhood in the house? You also say it's around good schools so maybe give your parents a years notice with a understanding they can save a years rent in that time or charge them rent and give it to them.

I also think you'll look at this differently in 5 years time. The money and house was given to you for a good reason and now your DD is number one

RandomMess · 20/01/2017 22:37

Potentially you could rent out your "family home" and use the rent to cover your rental where you go, some for the maintenance pot and some to help your parents rent somewhere else...

At a later stage you can then move back into your family home with DD and your parents will have had a few years to realise they are going to have to start paying their way!

Alternatively you and your parents may be able to raise a mortgage for a small property for them using the family home as collateral - cheaper than them renting perhaps.

Lots of options so after speaking to your Grandad then some financial advice could be the way forward.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/01/2017 23:19

Random makes a good point. Independent financial advice would be a good place to start. Your grandparents, while they obviously care about you, are massively biased against your mum. You need someone who isnt emotionally involved to lay out the pros and cons of various scenarios to help you decide. And although we can give advice on what we would do, we dont know the tax implications etc of your situation.

Good luck!

maggiecate · 21/01/2017 00:20

I think you need to sit down with your grandad and get him to lay everything out for you so that you understand exactly what the set up is, and then you do need to take independent financial and legal advice on all the different scenarios.
And if you haven't already done it, get your own will sorted out. You have a significant asset, a dependent child, you're not married and your family situation/relationships sound somewhat atypical. Without a will to specify what happens to your assets and daughter it could get very complicated indeed if you got run over by a bus (fingers crossed you won't of course!)

Original poster
Emboo19 · 21/01/2017 00:42

I'll be speaking to my GD on Sunday and will look into some financial advice. I've got two estate agents coming next week to give me a rough idea how much the house is worth.
I really don't think I want to live in it longterm myself though, it will always feel like my parents home not mine.
I have a will, everything goes to my daughter, my grandparents act as trustees or on their demise my uncle.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2017 00:46

You are so together!

At 19 I I struggled to get me washing done and at 43 I am still getting round to sorting out my will!

I am sure that whatever happens, you will your common sense to make sure that you come out of it as well as you can, within your own moral code.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2017 00:46

my not me!

You will use you common sense....

Original poster
Emboo19 · 21/01/2017 00:50

Ha, not so together Pyongyang me and my boyfriend have our issues, although they're really his issues. And I've not got anything in place regarding custody of dd, if something happens to me!!

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 21/01/2017 10:23

Your great grandmother managed to make sure she left a considerable amount of money to your mother, without your mother ever being able to fritter that money away. In real terms your mother inherited approximately a quarter of a million.

Living in a house rent free for 18 years and a house that is now worth a considerable amount of money would have cost your mother and father somewhere in the region of the figure above, allowing for inflation etc.

In doing this your mother and father were given the opportunity to set themselves up, your grandmother intact has allowed for this, given then somewhere to live.

You mother and father though for whatever reason have decided not to make provision vfir thier own future.

There are a lot of posters here suggesting that you their daughter can now make provision for your parents. Therefore meaning your parents never actually make provision for themselves..

If you want to make provision for your parents then think about how you bequest that provision, as your grandmother did

C

RandomMess · 21/01/2017 11:03

If you don't want to live in that house in the future then yes selling the property and buying 2 is the way to go. Perhaps one in your DD name.

Regardless you parents need to start paying rent even if it's a nominal amount to maintain the property cover legal fees etc and to ensure it is not theirs in any legal way.

Your parents could live a long long time yet, how long do you want your parents to have the benefit of free accommodation over your DD benefitting? Doesn't sound like your parents have become financially responsible so please don't end up beholden to them for the rest of their lives. They have had 18 years in which they could have bought their own property small and cheap and rented out which again wouldn't have cost them much per month if anything at all! They have perhaps been lazy and acted in a financially entitled manner.

extrabiotin · 21/01/2017 11:55

I know hindsight is foresight, but if were GGP in this case, I would have left the property to gdaughter until you reached 18 or 21, then the property to be sold and the proceeds divided between you and mum equally.

Anyway, that appears to be the route you are pondering anyway, and seems to me to be the best way, given that you seem to want everyone to be looked after.

So think about selling the big house and purchasing two smaller ones. As another poster has said, put the other house in your daughter's name and charge nominal rent to parents for living in it. That would stop any attempt to claim adverse possession (squatter's rights), if that even exists anymore, but I think it does after 12 years or so rent free. Someone else will know more about this.

Best of luck OP. A very interesting thread.

Mrsrochesterscat · 21/01/2017 12:36

How about this:

Step 1: Obtain mortgage on current house.

Step 2: Purcahse parents a small house with mortgage money - in your name.

Step 3: Parents move into smaller house. Obtain a lodger for your house.

Step 4: Income from lodger covers mortgage repayments. Any rent from parents goes into a savings pot to cover their pension.

Step 5: (Optional) when mortgage paid off, buy lodger a house to rent from you. Repeat. 😜

This way your daughter gets the advantages of living in a nice area with nice schools. You and your parents gain independence from each other - but you are still taking care of their future by organising your parents retirement fund (I wouldn't let them know you are doing this part).

Mrsrochesterscat · 21/01/2017 12:37

Oh and the purpose of the lodger is to guard against your fear that your parents may not pay rent reliably.

Manumission · 21/01/2017 13:18

Is there substantial evidence that the parents are feckless willothewisps? Is this something GM says is true?

3penguins · 21/01/2017 13:40

I would leave things as they are until you have finished university - you may find your plans change,after you graduate and that you want to live in a different part of the country or travel. I certainly would not sign over the house, but would consider buying two smaller properties and giving them a lifetime interest to live in one , but only if I felt that this did not adversely affect my DD's long term interests.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 21/01/2017 13:54

Do you mean is there evidence they aren't responsible with money Manumission

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2017 13:57

Well Man given that they have lived for 20 years rent free and have no savings or pensions, I would say that there is a fair bit of evidence, yes.

Surely they didnt expect this situation to go on forever, and yet they made no provision for their futures at all. They could have enough in the bank to buy outright, depending on the area they are in, or at least a very very large deposit.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 21/01/2017 14:02

I'm really not sure a teenager with no job would find it easy to get a mortgage.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 21/01/2017 14:30

Grief I don't think taking out a mortgage would be a viable option for me. I do work though, two part time jobs!

OP posts:
Manumission · 21/01/2017 14:47

Do you mean is there evidence they aren't responsible with money Manumission

Yes do you know that they're consistently really bad with money?

I'm trying to get my head around this idea that your DM was "cast" in a specific family role by the time she was 18 herself.

Maybe she could do with going off in that campervan and away from this dynamic a bit.

Manumission · 21/01/2017 14:51

Well Man given that they have lived for 20 years rent free and have no savings or pensions, I would say that there is a fair bit of evidence, yes.

Surely they didnt expect this situation to go on forever, and yet they made no provision for their futures at all. They could have enough in the bank to buy outright, depending on the area they are in, or at least a very very large deposit.

That's what I'm asking? Is that known fact? Supposition?

And if it's accurate what's caused it?

Actual fecklessness? Learned helplessness? The calculation that a roof and regular payouts with strings was more secure for their DD than anything their skills could earn them?

The emotional dynamics of this family seem so unusual.

Manumission · 21/01/2017 14:51

Asking.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2017 14:54

Well the OP seems to think that this is the case, and she would know better than anyone else.

I agree that the way the mother has been cast as feckless from day one, which seems to have a lot to do with her own mother, is odd and unfair. However, things are as they are and its not the OPs job to sort that out. The simple fact is that they could have saved and didnt, they made that choice either deliberately or through a belief that they would be bailed out again. The OP does not have to make up for that.

What caused it is neither here nor there, it doesnt alter the facts as they stand.