Parents house, very complicated!

[Emboo19]

I feel bad even putting this on here and it's rather complicated so apologies.
I'm 19 and have a dd, I was due to start uni last year, but it's delayed due to baby. Will be going this year instead. I live with my parents, this is the complicated part.
The house is legally mine, left by great grandma to me. My parents were young when they had me and a bit irresponsible, so my mum wasn't left anything herself. The condition being they could live in it, until I was older also some money was left in care of my grandparents for maintenance/modernisation etc!

I've always known it's mine and me and my parents get on really well, not so much a traditional parent/child relationship though. I always thought/said that once I'd finished uni, we'd look at selling the house and split the money me and my parents 50/50 or they could buy my half. Obviously I didn't plan a baby though.
I went out for lunch with my grandma yesterday and we discussed the house, she said she'd spoke to my mum and she thinks that the we will stick with selling/buying when I finish uni as I've said previously. This will mean I'll still be living with my parents when my daughters 4/5 and I don't think I want that. I've not really thought about it until my grandma mentioned it though.
My grandma thinks I need to get it sorted now and that my parents need to be responsible for themselves, she thinks I should look at getting a solicitor and getting the house valued. My mum and her parents don't have the best relationship, so she's a bit biased.
Obviously I wouldn't see my parents homeless and my mum now has a buissness she runs from the house, so needs to stay really.
Would I be horrible to raise this with them? And how do I do that? What time scale do I give them? They are not very proactive in sorting things at all!

If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't even bother and probably wouldn't have asked to sell or for any money at all! I've now to think of security for my daughter though and I don't think I'd be eligible for any help towards housing if I legally own a property.

That's it op you could end up struggling were as as it stands you own a home and should be able to go to uni and work part time comfortably

Further in the future as your career begins also have the financial freedom that not spending 600 pound a month on a mortgage will bring . That may be hard to appreciate so much now but years down the line while working paying for childcare etc etc you honestly will appreciate it ! I don't mean in the sense you are ungreatful not at all , you sound lovely I just mean untill you have all those things to pay for its maybe hard to understand stand just how important that financial security is

And thinking about it, what if you turned this on its head?

Ma and Pa inherit a house. Child lives in it their whole life. Time comes for everyone to go their seperate ways, as is normal. Should the child expect the parents to move out on the basis that its the childs home too? Of course not, but thats what you are saying should happen!

the inheritance from the GM does matter though Em, surely you can see that your young parents will probably only have 20 years of their life where they'll have to pay any sort of rent if they will inherit from your GM? No wonder they aren't really worried about money, their risk is completely bounded by another inheritance expected in about 20 or so years.

I know it matters Rogue, I just don't want to get involved in it. I can't imagine my gd leaving my mum out, gm I'm not so sure.
I doubt my mums really thought about it to be honest.

you could always give your parents money down the line if your GM somehow persuades your GD to leave your DM out. I think this is a small problem really, your p will be ok when they're old, either they inherit or you give them money at that point, and in the meantime you and your DD benefit at the hard stage of your life from holding on to what you've currently got. There's no risk of anyone having a poor old age here so that's good.

I wonder if your mum and parents are keeping quiet around you about their true feelings. Most of us present a sanitised front for our kids. Re "don't you worry, darling, we'll sort something out"

As for your dad, he's done what countless women have done over the centuries: been the one at home bringing you up.

Atenco why is it the OPs job to house her parents adequately at the expense of her living independently with her DD?

I would say that the OP has already had a lot of the intended benefit from the inheritance, which was that she should grow up in a stable situation in a good area and near good schools.

Considering that her parents have otherwise been good parents, and she and her dd can continue to live there as long as they want, I don't see why, more than other young people, she should be entitled to have a large house all to herself and her dd, at the expense of her parents and at the expense of her relationship with her parents.

As I said, my dd's name is on the deeds of our place, that does not morally give her the right to kick me out.

As I said, my dd's name is on the deeds of our place, that does not morally give her the right to kick me out.

Well you could argue the moral point, but legally she has exactly that right and if you dont have a back up plan then more fool you. She could, at any point, decide she needs the money more than the house and sell it. There would be nothing you could do about it. You can hope that she wont but you would be foolish to rely on it.

And what is your suggestion then? That if she wants to live independently that she should move out of the house she owns so that her parents can continue to live rent free, and presumably maintenance free too? Would you advocate the homeowner moving out and starting again with nothing if the house was owned by the parents not the child? I suspect not.

I also suspect that this is more about you attempting to justify your own living arrangements than what is happening with the OP.

I would hope that most parents would like to provide for their DC a stable situation with good schools and a home to live in. OPs parents haven't really provided all of this - her GGM has sorted out the housing/area. If the DP had even at 25 thought about saving up what would otherwise be spent on rent they could have £48000 or more in the bank to be used as a sizeable deposit.

OP is very fortunate and lucky to be in this situation. Why should she have to be responsible for her parents housing situation for the next 50-60 years because adults of 36 and 40 haven't taken responsibility for themselves?

Why did you put the house in your DD's name?

Sorry springydaffs I can't have my dad, getting credit for bringing me up! He had some years at home, yes! But it was for his own reasons not some great desire to be dad of the year!! Probs have a few daddy issues I should deal with!!
Noctilucent although I can't be sure, I think they may have been some money either my GGM put aside or my grandad as that's been given to my mum over the years! Pretty sure if it has my GM knows nothing of it! It always seemed when we really needed money, some would magically appear, new car, school trips, credit card debts, that kind of thing. I know for a fact my parents wedding cost more than they had budgeted and my mum had supposedly refused any help from her parents!

I just find it very interesting that the only person who is saying that they have the moral right to live there indefinitely is the also the person living in a house owned by their child.

Whatever the wild teens consisted of, disinheriting someone for things they did as a child and leaving their inheritance to their baby is quite something

Hmmm....i think the gm's based their decision on both the dp's attitude and ethics regarding money. They couldn't trust op's dad to manage/look after/take on the responsibility either.

The gm's warnings/predictions came true as well....op's parents mismanaged and spent all of what the gf's bequeathed....and they are no better off for it.

yea, they brought OP up and 'provided' for her and all that malarky....but only because it was totally dependent on being enabled by gm's.
Doubt OP would have had the same childhood if it wasn't for the house....

OP are you sure that they is no way that they could have secured loans against your property? Might be worth checking if there are any charges on it.

yea, they brought OP up and 'provided' for her and all that malarky....but only because it was totally dependent on being enabled by gm's.
Doubt OP would have had the same childhood if it wasn't for the house....

Couldnt agree more.

If the mum had inherited I very much doubt the OP would be posting from her bedroom in that house now.

Pyongyang no my grandad keeps a close check on all the legal side, so they couldn't borrow money against the house. There is some kind of lease agreement in place, which lays out all the ins and outs. I think my parents pay a £1 a month or something so officially they pay rent! Its complicated and not my thing, but I'm positive it's all above board and legal!

I just find it very interesting that the only person who is saying that they have the moral right to live there indefinitely is the also the person living in a house owned by their child

As I said earlier, in my case, I bought the flat and put it her name. My dd knows that the place is legally-speaking it is hers, but says that it is mine.

But I still don't think you do something like that to your parents, when it wasn't the OP who paid for the house.

However, OP, you do as you wish. You are in a tricky situation. I just was a bit shocked at the unanimity of voices saying "fuck your parents".

Posters on Mumsnet, in general, believe that parents are there to give, give, give, feel eternally guilty for any way that they have failed their children, and should be discarded once they have done their job. Which, considering that these are parents themselves who are posting, is a very brave way of viewing the world. I live in a country where family is very important for survival purposes as much anything else, so I have a different viewpoint.

As I said, my dd's name is on the deeds of our place, that does not morally give her the right to kick me out

well you'd best not piss her off or ever push your luck with her then

Maybe the best of both worlds could be had by signing the property over to your own daughter - guilt problem solved, no fear of any proceeds from a sale being squandered, stability for your daughter in a nice area - and agree with your parents that they can stay on the understanding that it's mutual in that they help you through university financially and through childcare, for example, when your daughter's ill?

Maybe the best of both worlds could be had by signing the property over to your own daughter

There is something to be said for that idea, because when you get married, OP, your husband will automatically be entitled to half the value of the house.

But I still don't think you do something like that to your parents, when it wasn't the OP who paid for the house.

Neither did the parents, but you are saying that they have more right to live there than she does, the person it was left to. Presumably this was to give her lifetime financial security (which owning your home outright does generally give you) and not her parents, because otherwise it would have been left to them.

I just was a bit shocked at the unanimity of voices saying "fuck your parents".

Show me a single post, never mind unanimous ones, that says "Fuck your parents". I and many others have suggested ways around it, like selling the big house and buying 2 smaller ones. Both the parents and the OP are housed to their needs but the OP still owns both properties, one of which she could pass on to her own DD in time to save on CGT or Inheritance tax.

But because of your own very precarious position you are trying to use this thread to justify yourself. The fact is that you could end up homeless at her whim.

Why did you put the flat in her name if it was essentially your home?

when you get married, OP, your husband will automatically be entitled to half the value of the house. Not necessarily, it depends on the terms of the will.

I'm not sure signing the house to my dd would help. Other than one day, she might be having the same dilemma as me, but with her grandparents and parents living with her! 😂
I think two houses is probably going to be best, depending on finances. I'll probably sign the 2nd one over to dd rather than my parents, but they can live there.
I'm thinking I will give commuting to uni a go the first year, but might need to consider moving closer for the second. If my boyfriends sorted somewhere and we're ok, I'll move in with him and my parents can stay put until I've finished uni as originally planned.
No desire to marry, so that won't be a issue!

Oh, yes, that's a much better scheme. Still best of both worlds too. Nobody is at a disadvantage or upset and your daughter is well-looked after now and for later.