Parents house, very complicated!

[Emboo19]

I feel bad even putting this on here and it's rather complicated so apologies.
I'm 19 and have a dd, I was due to start uni last year, but it's delayed due to baby. Will be going this year instead. I live with my parents, this is the complicated part.
The house is legally mine, left by great grandma to me. My parents were young when they had me and a bit irresponsible, so my mum wasn't left anything herself. The condition being they could live in it, until I was older also some money was left in care of my grandparents for maintenance/modernisation etc!

I've always known it's mine and me and my parents get on really well, not so much a traditional parent/child relationship though. I always thought/said that once I'd finished uni, we'd look at selling the house and split the money me and my parents 50/50 or they could buy my half. Obviously I didn't plan a baby though.
I went out for lunch with my grandma yesterday and we discussed the house, she said she'd spoke to my mum and she thinks that the we will stick with selling/buying when I finish uni as I've said previously. This will mean I'll still be living with my parents when my daughters 4/5 and I don't think I want that. I've not really thought about it until my grandma mentioned it though.
My grandma thinks I need to get it sorted now and that my parents need to be responsible for themselves, she thinks I should look at getting a solicitor and getting the house valued. My mum and her parents don't have the best relationship, so she's a bit biased.
Obviously I wouldn't see my parents homeless and my mum now has a buissness she runs from the house, so needs to stay really.
Would I be horrible to raise this with them? And how do I do that? What time scale do I give them? They are not very proactive in sorting things at all!

If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't even bother and probably wouldn't have asked to sell or for any money at all! I've now to think of security for my daughter though and I don't think I'd be eligible for any help towards housing if I legally own a property.

I'm surprised by how much you are discussing what the best thing for your DM and DF is.

I think once your DD grows that that will change to what is best for DD in the long term.
I would tell DPs that you will eventually over the next few years require them to move out. You might move away to work in another area, you might meet a partner who you don't want to live with DPs too. So they have warning. And I would keep every penny for your DD's future, you have no idea how things will pan out for you both. Your DPs will have to sort themselves out. If they are homeless they will get a HA house which is probably best if they are unreliable at paying rent and should be for life.

You know Footle I'm really not sure! I guess that's the problem with addressing these kind of issues, it opens a can of worms. I've had some issues with my daughters dad (posted about these on here) and combined with the issue with my parents and the house. I think I'm seeing my childhood in a different light!
Don't get me wrong, I was loved and I love them, but the rest. I'm really not so sure!
My GP, aren't perfect either but they did always provide a safe/normal space for me, if that makes any sense. I'm confusing myself 😕

Gosh how complicated.

I'm assuming you don't have any siblings?

Your daughter needs grandparents more than she needs a house

Well, I have to agree that people are more important than things, and a loving family is priceless. But it's hard to live without a house, whereas many people manage just fine without grandparents. Anyway she's not planning to kill them, just disengaging from sharing a house with them. Bear in mind these aren't poor old folk heading for retirement, being flung into the streets by a hard-hearted child to whom they have always given everything and from whom they are now about to receive nothing. They're in their prime and have recently reached their best earning situation to date. Currently they are effectively sponging off their daughter, though not in a bad way (it seems to benefit both parties at the moment). I don't get this "it's morally your mum's" type approach either. Sounds like the mum herself has a more sensible attitude! If inherited wealth, being unearned, is not morally yours it's not morally theirs either. So um, sell all thou hast and give to the poor or something. Or make the most of the windfall and be truly grateful to Fate and great-grandma, and don't agonize over the should-have-been.

OP, if I were you I'd listen to everybody, but in the end you have to make your own decisions, not your parents' or your grandparents'. I imagine they do all want the best for you but, as you realise, they have quite differing views on what that "best" might include. In addition they'd have to be amazingly good at detachment not to let their own perspectives, situations and prejudices affect the advice they give. So even though you have a handy family member who knows about investments etc, who by what you've said would never intentionally steer you wrong, some independent expert advice would be a good idea.

How about renting your house out and then you rent somewhere separate and your parents rent somewhere separately too? If you want to you could give your parents a portion of the rental income as a regular gift, find out what the rent would be. If it's a nice house in a good area you and your DD might be glad you held onto it. Renting might give you flexibility over the next few years so you can try different areas. It depends on the figures. A benefit of renting is that you can always reverse it if things change. Is another option to split the house more formally so you have separate homes? Could you borrow against it to fund an extension? If you like the house and area, schools etc maybe you would be best off finding a way to make it work better for you be modifying it so you have privacy.

Atenco - Sorry, I don't agree with the other pps. My place is in my dd's name, but she would never dream of selling it or evicting me.

So you intend to live with your DD until she dies do you Atenco? Op's parents are still relatively young, thay could live into 80s or 90s, is she supposed to let them share her house until the day they die? What about her wanting to live an independant life with her DD, maybe her current or a different partner, maybe more DC? Sorry, but I think Op has to start thinking about her own life, she isnt intending to evict her parents immediately, but neither should they expect her to provide them a rent free home for life!

As Op herself said, an inheritance is not a right! My DC recently inherited from a bachelor cousin of mine. He could have left his substantial estate to friends, cousins, the cats home - what he did was a lovely gesture, passing it to the next generation for whom it will be life changing.

All cousins agreed - except my DB (who has not worked since turning 18, now 57) - he thought he should have inherited not his DD - 'As I dont have any money'. Well maybe get off your rear end and earn some then!!! He thought it was terrible that my family (with 2DC) got twice what his family, with 1DC, got, even though each DC got the same!! Sooo, entitled. He never even saw the cousin who died, but expected his money.

Your parents are so young - your mother is eight years younger than me - and they have earning potential for the next 20-30 years. Why can't they get a mortgage and their own home? They have had the secure entitlement of the house for your first 18 years and have made no provision for their own future? Have they pensions? Investments? Is your dad in paid employment? Have they expressed any expectations or do they just blithely continue on?

I think you need a qualified family mediator to talk the family through exiting this set-up.

As you want your parents to stay in the house then I would give 12 months notice to sort their finances out to get a mortgage.

The conversation would go "Mum, Dad now that I have DD and I am starting UNI I need to make plans to suit all of us, therefore in the next 12 months could you set yourselves up to buy me out of the house or for us all to move out and split the proceeds".

They are adults and have had 18 years or so to think about this, they could both in theory go out and get full time work rather than be Self Employed.

No siblings Blowinonabreeze and hopefully no plans for one 😳
Thank you all for the ideas, I've certainly got lots to think about. I've phoned a few estate agents about getting a valuation, at least then I can really explore all options. I will tell my parents when I speak to them that I'm doing so though.
Splitting the house wouldn't work, it was originally two cottages, but to put it back like that it would be very difficult and expensive. I do have my own space and privacy though, my parents are out a fair bit and my bedroom is large and has my own bathroom.
My boyfriends looking at moving to his own place, he shares at the moment. He said he'll move closer to where I'll be going to uni, so I could stay over or even move in 😬Depending on how things are going with him!!
I'm going to my gp for Sunday lunch, so will speak to gd. He's a bit more neutral than gm, and I know he's helped my mum out a few times.
No they don't have investments, my mum works for the local authority (part time now) so she has a ok pension. My dad! Ha I don't even know what he class's at. Don't think he's ever had a proper employed job though!!
If/when I mention it, I know they will just say 'don't worry about us, we'll sort something out when we need to' or something along those lines! It's just if they actually do sort something!!
My boyfriend says to buy them a camper van and send them off!! They'd probably love it to be fair!! 😂

Classes as, not at

I'd be inclined to start charging your parents rent, and use that money to rent a small flat for you and your dd.

Then they don't have to move, you have the freedom to relocate while you get established in your career, and the hoise willl be there when you are ready to buy.

You sound vey mature op but maybe just not clued up re house prices etc . This is an amazing opportunity for you. You own a property outright which relieves a massive financial pressure that most people have to deal with. What a great start for your dd and for you as you begin your career after uni ! You are very lucky ! I think it would be crazy to split 50:50 with your parents . Of course there is nothing legally meaning you have to do this but I understand the moral side of you feel .

If you sell it though and put your 50 percent towards a mortgage on another home or spend it on a less desirable /smaller home I feel youl be doing yourself out of a great opportunity that won't come along again, That in the future you might regret when the reality of the cost of living is more apparent ( I really don't mean that to sound condescending ) your parents have had years to save for a deposit which would be vey sizeable by now since they knew this would happen . Or were they just relying on you goodwill ?

At best I'd remortgage for a very small amount or sell and buy somewhere only slightly cheaper to free up a "gesture " amount of say 15k to get them on their feet .

I will reiterate this is an amazing and one off opportunity for both yours and yours dds future

Wow, Em - in your case it sounds like the apple fell a hell of a long way from the tree!

However, I think you need to gird your loins a bit. I don't think you will feel comfortable turfing your parents out of your house at any stage - don't end up letting them stay there forever, given how young they are! If I were you I'd stay there through uni, but put them on notice now that you will be selling the house or asking them to move out of it in X years' time. That way, they have time to make their plans. And if you decide to sell and buy two houses instead (which is a more generous gesture than I feel is called for), make sure they're both in your name!

op, presumably your parents will inherit from your GM in due course? so they don't themselves face poverty in old age, it strikes me that the simple solution is just to give them time to move out and rent on their own, and in due course they'll inherit from GM. Even though they don't get along great, GM will leave her sizeable assets to your mum and not bypass to you won't she? Sorry if I've missed this.

No clumsyduck I've really not looked at house prices before now. Been looking on zoopla though and wow! Not sure how most people even get started on the property ladder and we're up north!! My boyfriends looking into buying, but he won't be able to afford the area I'm in!

Your parents have had it easy. Sorry but you and your DD are the priority.
Tell parents u are getting your house valued and may be selling. Up to them to sort out somewhere

I'm not even going there Rogue I don't think she'd be completely cut out from their will though no!!

I would not give them anything at all. they will not change their habbits and should have been paying you rent all this time.

I came from incredibly irresponsible parents that lost everything 3 times over through bankruptcy. My nan wanted to leave her estate to her grandkids as both of her adult kids had had loan after loan for starting a business/home desposits/holiday homes and they never repayed it. My nan saw it as the next generations chance to have a leg up and split her estate so we could get on the housing ladder. Her daughters contested the will and had it overturned and then blew the money again. They both live in council housing now and don't have a pot to piss in.

Do not worry about your parents, they will survive. You need to worry about your daughter and HER future. Your parents have had their chance and your great grandparents were clever enough to see that they would waste the money and they wanted YOU to be looked after. Put your daughters future above your parents, they are capable of helping themselves.

So you intend to live with your DD until she dies do you Atenco?

I expect I will die sooner, actually. And I do hope that my dd will be able to move out sometime.

And no, she was not left the house by anyone, I put it in her name when I bought it.

But it's hard to live without a house, whereas many people manage just fine without grandparents

Lovely sentiment. I can see how the British empire was built now.

Atenco

That's slightly different then Atenco you bought the house. I obviously want my parents to be ok, I think I've made that clear from the start!
But I am coming to the realisation that it's not fair, them getting to do as they like job/career wise, holidays, nights out etc! While I could well be struggling to pay my way through uni and basics for myself and dd!!

My parents got to raise me, in a lovely area with good schools

So now they have had that privilege and their job is done...

No Atenco I'd just like the same for my daughter!
So far as raising me, yes their job is done. I don't need taking to school or someone to feed/clothe me, they can easily work full time with no additional responsibilities or obligations.
Do you really think it's my responsibility to take care of them? Maybe my grandparents should move in too and my mum can take care of her parents, they are at least retirement age!

I'm going to be a bit controversial here. The house was left to you, it's yours. You've allowed your parents to live there rent free for a long time. It's their fault that they have no savings. I would give them 6 months to save up for a deposit for mortgage or to rent, that's fair. Please don't give up ANY of your stake in it. This is a wonderful opportunity for you at the start of your adult life and now you have your own child you have to be a bit selfish. You GGM wanted YOU to have it, that was her choice. I would be devastated if I left something like that to someone and they just gave it up

Atenco why is it the OPs job to house her parents adequately at the expense of her living independently with her DD?

They have lived almost 20 years with no rent or mortgage to pay and instead of using that as an opportunity to save a decent amount, they just sat back and enjoyed the ride. Do have savings? Do you have a back up plan if your DD fucks up royally and the house ends up seized as part of a bankruptcy order for example (it happens!)?

Her dad in particular seems to have used the rent free situation as an excuse to fart around not really earning anything or contributing, her mum seems to be the worker in their marriage! Why should the OP be expected to provide them with a home when they have done nothing to help themselves? Frankly 18 years of rent payments saved up would give them enough, or nearly enough, to buy a house outright!