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Original poster

Parents house, very complicated!

211 replies

Emboo19 · 19/01/2017 11:46

I feel bad even putting this on here and it's rather complicated so apologies.
I'm 19 and have a dd, I was due to start uni last year, but it's delayed due to baby. Will be going this year instead. I live with my parents, this is the complicated part.
The house is legally mine, left by great grandma to me. My parents were young when they had me and a bit irresponsible, so my mum wasn't left anything herself. The condition being they could live in it, until I was older also some money was left in care of my grandparents for maintenance/modernisation etc!

I've always known it's mine and me and my parents get on really well, not so much a traditional parent/child relationship though. I always thought/said that once I'd finished uni, we'd look at selling the house and split the money me and my parents 50/50 or they could buy my half. Obviously I didn't plan a baby though.
I went out for lunch with my grandma yesterday and we discussed the house, she said she'd spoke to my mum and she thinks that the we will stick with selling/buying when I finish uni as I've said previously. This will mean I'll still be living with my parents when my daughters 4/5 and I don't think I want that. I've not really thought about it until my grandma mentioned it though.
My grandma thinks I need to get it sorted now and that my parents need to be responsible for themselves, she thinks I should look at getting a solicitor and getting the house valued. My mum and her parents don't have the best relationship, so she's a bit biased.
Obviously I wouldn't see my parents homeless and my mum now has a buissness she runs from the house, so needs to stay really.
Would I be horrible to raise this with them? And how do I do that? What time scale do I give them? They are not very proactive in sorting things at all!

If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't even bother and probably wouldn't have asked to sell or for any money at all! I've now to think of security for my daughter though and I don't think I'd be eligible for any help towards housing if I legally own a property.

OP posts:
C3l3brity2017 · 19/01/2017 21:33

If you are going to Uni I would not be selling the house !

You and your child need cheap, stable accomodation and you will not be earning a big income

Property costs money to maintain and there will be utility bills too

I would suggest waiting until you have finished your education and secured a well paid job in the future

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/01/2017 21:33

I've thought about signing the house over to them, but honestly I don't trust they wouldn't borrow money on it or sell up and just flit the money away.

And that is exactly what your GGM knew would happen which is why she left it to you.

It sounds like your house is worth a significant amount, so I think the idea of buying 2 homes (bear in mind that yours needs to be big enough for your future too, you may want more children at a later date) with them being allowed to live there for a nominal rent would be a good one. Also you might want to discuss with your GD about protecting your inheritance if you marry. I know it sound mercenary but there is no point protecting it from financially crap parents only to lose half of it to a divorce. Sorry to sound so pessimistic but it happens!

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/01/2017 21:34

Oh and....signing over the property could have tax implications, and if they pass away you could end up paying inheritance tax on a house you owned!

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/01/2017 23:29

Thanks petalsandstars I don't expect rent while I live here as they pay all the bills. I do some of my own food shopping but they pay utilities and stuff. If they pay rent I guess they could ask me to pay half of every thing else.
It's not about sounding young, saying I live at home. I'm really not bothered what others think of me. I'd like it to be just me and dd at some point though and maybe her dad, depends what happens with him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/01/2017 23:35

Pyongyang My grandparents have already given me the marriage talk. They aren't overly keen on dd's dad!
I think my first task is to get a valuation.
Maybe my parents will surprise me and have a back up plan already 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/01/2017 23:39

They do both work winewolf and have their own things going on. I don't expect or really want them to have dd for me, while I'm at uni. They do and will help out with babysitting, taking her out to the park etc, her dad's mum helps too. I think I can get some help towards childcare from uni, if not her dads going to pay it.

OP posts:
purpleshortcake · 19/01/2017 23:54

Can you get it valued while they're in Australia. You can always say a card from an estate agent was popped through the door while they were away and you thought...why not? But it's got you thinking now....

purpleshortcake · 19/01/2017 23:59

If you decide to buy 2 houses and they live in one you will I think be liable for capital gains tax on the one you don't live in when you come to sell. I think there are ways round this...moving into the other property for 6 months so it has been your main residence, But you will need to do a tax return for any income if you charge your parents even a nominal rent so you could be making things complicated for you. Oh and landlords insurance too as domestic insurance won't pay out if you're not living there...

Atenco · 20/01/2017 00:05

Sorry, I don't agree with the other pps. My place is in my dd's name, but she would never dream of selling it or evicting me.

Your parents have put a lot of time and effort into bringing you up, OP, does that count as naught?

MrTumblesbitch · 20/01/2017 00:17

Hi op, I just wanted to mention what a previous poster said up thread about the potential for turning your family home into 2 seperate places. I am in a similar position to you (sort of, but not!) And we split the big house into 2 seperate homes with my mum in a granny flat type situation. We both have seperate front doors/ utilities etc and it works really well.

Just might be something to consider along side all your other options.

Good luck Flowers

NapQueen · 20/01/2017 00:26

If I were you I'd stick with the current situation whilst at university so there is stability and consistency for you and dd during your studies.

However I would make it clear to them (kindly) that once you graduate you will be either selling up or remaining there alone (whatever suits you best!).

They've now got three years warning to save as much as they can, which if they both work and only have to cover the bills, should mean they could have as much as 20k saved within that time. This is more than suitable as a deposit, or as a starting point to buy you out.

ChristinaParsons · 20/01/2017 00:47

Rent it to them

ChristinaParsons · 20/01/2017 00:47

Through an agent

zozozoo · 20/01/2017 01:09

Ok here's my suggestion: stay put for now but separate house up a bit (nothing that can't be undone without too much trouble or money). Take advantage of easier access to willing babysitters. Go uni, keep working for mum with those flexible part time hours, graduate, get a job that will allow you to take on a small mortgage, buy a nice flat nearby for your parents. While you are at uni they can save for deposit. Stay in family home. Mum can keep her business there too. Maybe they can contribute to mortgage of flat too. You figure out amongst yourselves what is fair.

NapQueen · 20/01/2017 01:10

If they'd even saved a modest "rent equivalent" of 400 per month they'd have nearly 85k in savings without interest. What a wasted opportunity.

PunjanaTea · 20/01/2017 01:32

It's a bit harsh calling her parents feckless, it sounds like they took advantage of not paying rent to have a parent at home with their child and to pursue higher education.

Manumission · 20/01/2017 02:58

I actually feel sorry for your mum. So she was bypassed for inheriting because she got pregnant young, so you gained by that and haven't been 'penalised' for the same thing.

it wasn't the getting pregnant, I don't believe. My mum was quite a wild child, expelled from numerous schools, drink/drugs, my great grandma didn't think control over the money/house would have been good for her. She did get some money at 21, that had already been left from her grandfather.

I think twooter is right to query this. This is all capable of being read as toxic intergenerational shenanigans.

Why is your GM raising this with you behind your parents' back? What's the rush to sell? Why renege on what was previously agreed? You're going to uni anyway.

Whatever the wild teens consisted of, disinheriting someone for things they did as a child and leaving their inheritance to their baby is quite something.

Your parents have effectively been infantilised and bypassed in their parental role.

I'm rather aghast reading this.

I know it must seem important to be financially mature and sensible but some emotional intelligence is needed for the best outcome.

Don't do things if they feel sneaky. Like secret valuations. Treat your parents with the respect they deserve and do this all openly. Please also carefully consider you're grandmother's motivations.

maggiecate · 20/01/2017 02:59

At the risk of sounding very hard, your GGM left the house to you for a reason. This is a major asset and you should think long and hard about your future and your daughter's before giving half of it away.

You have no idea what the future holds, and whilst your parents may use the money responsibly in a way the will eventually revert to you and your daughter, they may fritter it away.

Any resolution should honour you GGM intention, which was to ensure your security. Look at trusts or some other mechanism to ensure that the value of the total estate remains intact, so that even if the property itself is sold and your parents have a lifetime benefit, it will come back to you.
Take independent legal advice and plan for the worst case scenario in terms of health/ability to work and how you would provide for your little girl if the worst happened. Above all, don't let guilt be your motivating factor for whatever you decide to do.

Manumission · 20/01/2017 02:59

^your

Atenco · 20/01/2017 04:09

At the risk of sounding very hard, your GGM left the house to you for a reason. This is a major asset and you should think long and hard about your future and your daughter's before giving half of it away

Heaven knows what reason she had, but I can't imagine she thought you would evict your own parents.

I don't think that sounds either healthy or moral. But I understand where you are coming from. When I was young a Mexican friend of mine told me the family house was in his name and I couldn't for the life of me understand why he didn't just evict his family. Said friend now owns three houses, but he never touched the family house. Your dd needs her grandparents more than she needs a vacant house.

springydaffs · 20/01/2017 05:08

Phew. Fully agree with Manumission.

Sounds like your ggm and gp fucked over your mum. Your mum may have been a wild child, had you at 17 - who isn't potentially 'wild' and 'immature' at 17? But she kept you and brought you up - well by the sound of it! - and has led a pretty uneventful and responsible life since. By rights the house should be hers /theirs.

On what planet would parents pay their own (infant) daughter rent? Your ggm has set in motion a toxic situation for you and your parents. Your GM is currently compounding that, causing trouble between you and your mum /parents.

And, guess what, your GM doesn't approve of your boyfriend. You also mention your GM and mum don't get on bcs your mum wouldn't do things your GP's way. Your mum is 36 now and still being controlled by her mother. Your GM is currently encouraging you to turn your parents out of their home.

Imo the house should have been inherited by your mum. Your GM set up a toxic situation between you and your parents that continues.

springydaffs · 20/01/2017 05:12

*your GGM set up a toxic situation etc

Also agree with Atenco.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/01/2017 07:24

Atenco you say you're in a property owned by your dd, does she also have her own place or does she live with you?
Manumission springydaffs I know it's a very bizarre set up. My mums actually ok with it though, she speaks fondly of my GGM and doesn't seem to have any resentment to not bring left the house. In fairness I don't think there should be any expectation of inheritance, as my parents say she could have left it all to a cat shelter, it was her money!
My mum really doesn't have a good relationship with her parents no. I'd say they are both as bad as each other though!
My grandma brought it up when talking about a few things, travel to uni from where I currently am and childcare for dd, both have got me thinking about how I am realistically going to manage it all.
As much as I'd love them to stay indefinitely and hate the thought of them moving. It's complicated, as I own the property I'm certain that will stop me being able to claim any help I'd otherwise get. My parents have no means of helping with uni costs at all, so I'm already looking at £9000 a year tuition fee loans.
My parents got to raise me, in a lovely area with good schools. They could still afford to pursue their interests and have one stay home for a while. I'd only like to be able to have the same security and time for my own daughter.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 20/01/2017 07:24

I don't think anyone suggested they pay her rent when she was small, just that they could have been saving a rent equivalent amount to help them now.

Op is starting to need her own space. She won't be able to afford it on her own, as a student, but if her parents contributed a small rent for the house, she could use that to help her have a place to herself.

Footle · 20/01/2017 08:23

Your mum and dad have done well by you. Your daughter, as someone says , needs her grandparents more than she needs a house. Your grandma is a stirrer, like her mother before her, which doesn't mean she's horrible but does mean you need to be aware.
I think you'll work it all out for the best.