Parents house, very complicated!

[Emboo19]

I feel bad even putting this on here and it's rather complicated so apologies.
I'm 19 and have a dd, I was due to start uni last year, but it's delayed due to baby. Will be going this year instead. I live with my parents, this is the complicated part.
The house is legally mine, left by great grandma to me. My parents were young when they had me and a bit irresponsible, so my mum wasn't left anything herself. The condition being they could live in it, until I was older also some money was left in care of my grandparents for maintenance/modernisation etc!

I've always known it's mine and me and my parents get on really well, not so much a traditional parent/child relationship though. I always thought/said that once I'd finished uni, we'd look at selling the house and split the money me and my parents 50/50 or they could buy my half. Obviously I didn't plan a baby though.
I went out for lunch with my grandma yesterday and we discussed the house, she said she'd spoke to my mum and she thinks that the we will stick with selling/buying when I finish uni as I've said previously. This will mean I'll still be living with my parents when my daughters 4/5 and I don't think I want that. I've not really thought about it until my grandma mentioned it though.
My grandma thinks I need to get it sorted now and that my parents need to be responsible for themselves, she thinks I should look at getting a solicitor and getting the house valued. My mum and her parents don't have the best relationship, so she's a bit biased.
Obviously I wouldn't see my parents homeless and my mum now has a buissness she runs from the house, so needs to stay really.
Would I be horrible to raise this with them? And how do I do that? What time scale do I give them? They are not very proactive in sorting things at all!

If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't even bother and probably wouldn't have asked to sell or for any money at all! I've now to think of security for my daughter though and I don't think I'd be eligible for any help towards housing if I legally own a property.

I certainly would NOT be selling the House.....

and regardless of your Mum's business... you need to stop using the business as an excuse... you have a daughter.... that's your priority.. think long and hard before doing anything

OP, the house is YOURS..........you don't need to 'earn' it.

I suspect your gm put it in your name to avoid any inheritance tax or care fees?
Otherwise there was no reason for transferring it to your name. Her will would have sufficed and ensured only you could inherit it.

seems like you've been used for everyone elses benefit......and emotionally manipulated into feeling that it was done for your best interests.

Noctilucent she raised it in a general chat about what I'm going to do uni and boyfriend wise. She said she'd mentioned it to my mum at Christmas who presumed that we'd be leaving it until I finish uni as I'd first said. In fairness I'd not really thought about it! Now I am though! We made the arrangements about the business around two years ago, my mum just got it up and running less than a year ago. My mum does forward plan a bit and was thinking it would give her time to get up and running while I went to uni! My daughters arrival is what's now changed it for me!
My mums always worked and still does part time as well as the business.
They aren't bad parents! They did put my interests at heart, I never went without and was given a lot of time and attention. I said we don't have a traditional parent/child relationship but we certainly have a relationship, we are really close, especially my mum and me!

If your great grandmother had left the house to your mum, it sounds as if it would've been gone by now and the money spent if it had been left to your mum originally.

Your parents have had many years rent free, mortgage free, and they have helped you spend the money left for maintenance etc.

I think it's time for them to sort their own living arrangements out now (perhaps you could sell up and pay a deposit on a house for them)

i think your GGM made a good call - you must see that 2 adults who've got no savings after 18 years rent free are pretty terrible with money?

I'm sure your parents are lovely op and I'm
Glad you are close.
But facts are facts;
They have lived rent/mortgage free for decades
You have even provided your dm with business premises!
I do feel you are being taken advantage of and your parents sound feckless to me (I have a mental image of ageing hippies for some reason!!)
Sorry, but that's my take on your situation but

• I'm an old gimmer who has been around the block a few times and perhaps that's the cause of my cynicism re this situation

But ime - sadly - money/business and family rarely mix well 😞 Cut the apron strings. Let your dm employ someone else when you go to uni Sell up - provide you and your dd with a sound foundation for your future. You are so young!!! You have decades ahead of you and if you are sensible now you and your dd could be set for life Good luck X

...and your thread title is incorrect
It's YOUR house

The more I think about it, the more strongly I feel.

You do not owe them a share of your house, they have actually had many years living rent free and not taken the opportunity to build savings in that time.

They are not offering care to your DD.

You could remortgage a small amount to free up cash for you to spend on alternative housing for you. That remortgage would make it sensible for them to pay a small rent to cover that. They can then stay put and continue the business, while you can still move out.

Don't give them money, it doesn't sound like they can manage it and your GGM deliberately chose not to do that.

Glad you are paid for work in the business anyway.
It is a complicated story and not made any easier by people ( me too ) trying to simplify it without really understanding how you feel about it.

Please don't give them half! They're financially irresponsible and you've now got a DD who will need support in the future!

I know why you feel like they've been screwed over, but even if rent is only £500 pcm (and it sounds like it's probably way more!), then over 18years they've benefitted by more than £100k... which is a pretty amazing inheritance! And if they've no savings, the WILL fritter away anything you give them!

I definitely think the least upsetting/dramalicious way to do this is to buy two small houses outright. You get your own place, they don't feel like they're being totally abandoned, and maybe might even start to take responsibility for themselves and look for somewhere more suitable!

Look at how much uni costs have increased in the last ten years- by the time DD is grown, she's likely to need as much support as she can get!

Thank you all, I realised I posted earlier but had missed quite a few posts, sorry! I'd started writing and got distracted with the baby. I have read them all now though.
I think I'll see about getting the house valued while they're away, feels a bit sneaky! At least I'll have some idea of where I stand and what else I could realistically buy. Will speak to my grandad too as he's clued up on the ins and outs of it all!
The extension to the house will have increased its value, by as much as it cost or most likely more. So although it benefited my mum, it was an investment for my benefit too!
I'm not sure of the ins and outs of what was left and why, my uncle got approx the same amount as me. He sold his property and moved to Australia!
Ha, Badders not sure they'd appreciate ageing hippies, 36 and 40!! Definatly free spirted, but not in the flowing dresses and hair 60's style. Did take me to Glastonbury every year though.
Working for my mum, fits me quite well. It's only on a as needed basis, but it's extra money and I do enjoy it.
You're all right about ensuring my dd is provided for though. I'm certainly not planning on raising her quite the same way I was!

I actually feel sorry for your mum. So she was bypassed for inheriting because she got pregnant young, so you gained by that and haven't been 'penalised' for the same thing.

Twooter it wasn't the getting pregnant, I don't believe. My mum was quite a wild child, expelled from numerous schools, drink/drugs, my great grandma didn't think control over the money/house would have been good for her. She did get some money at 21, that had already been left from her grandfather.

I do feel bad about it though, that's why I don't want to leave them with nothing!

i'm glad you have a good relationship with them, OP

i'm just one of those people who's learnt to keep the not-so-good things in a mental box marked 'Before Making Big Decisions'.

I think of it like this, they were only able to provide you with the childhood you had because you were were 'put in charge' of the family home.
You were handed the responsibility of taking care of your parents without any choice in the matter.

Now you're an adult they still have the same expectations of you.
There's an unhealthy co-dependency in your relationship which needs sorting.

You can still love and make sure they always have a roof above their heads, and keep your own and dc future secure.

Don't feel bad
As another poster has pointed out - your parents HAVE benefitted from your inheritance for many many years!
Only 36!?
I'm 44 and if I were your GGM I would have done the same with my estate tbh
I'm sure your parents are nice people who love you - but the fact is that they have lived rent free for decades and you have also provided business premises.
It's hard, I have a very different relationship with my own mother due to her MH issues when I was a child and I do get the need to make sure they are "ok"
But your dd is your priority now.
Take advantage of the huge property price increases whilst you can

But they got the equivalent of £100k because the house was in your name!

They haven't saved a penny of that OR their income to provide for themselves or their retirement/old age.

So why are YOU feeling bad or guilty?
Guilt is a useless emotion OP someone once told me

My mums 36 my dad's 40, young parents Badders
I think the guilt is that my mum might have got it if she'd not had me! Although she might have just got nothing.
They haven't worked the whole time, my mum went to collage and then a apprenticeship. She got a job and progressed in that, it's never been exactly what she wanted to do though. My dad stayed home with me for a bit and kinda did his part time job/hobby on weekends. They have got better with money in the later years.
They don't make me feel guilty though and don't seem bothered about the money. My grandparents would have helped them financially if they had been willing to do it their way!

You are not the reason your parents didn't get on in life!
Plenty of young parents go on to HE and get good careers. L
It's ok if your parents didn't want that, but blaming yourself is daft.
I'm sure your parents are very glad they had you!
Your guilt is misplaced.

it sounds like you carry the guilt of inheriting... if your guilt is sincere... sign everything over to your parents... and inherit when they're both gone ... problem solved

Thanks Badders I don't blame myself in that way. My parents were on a self destruct path, my mum says it was having me that stopped them. I just meant to explain them not saving, in that time. They could have saved more definitely, but not house buying amounts on the wages they have been earning up until recently.

Bonny honestly if I'd not had my dd, I'm pretty certain I'd have left them with the house. Now I'm conflicted with wanting my parents to be ok, but wanting the very best for my own daughter!

Would there be a way of dividing the house so it has two entrances/kitchens/living rooms? If the only thing making you want to change is the idea you might not want to live with them in four years I'd be tempted to look at ways to make it work.

Emboo I'm a similar age to your mum. I don't mean to sound patronising so please don't take offence - you sound like you've got your head screwed on right.

You're still very young (with a mass of responsibility) and looking out quite rightly for your child. You are thinking about your future and providing for your child. What you're also doing is thinking of your parents future as though you are responsible for them too.

It is your responsibility to provide for your DC not for your mum. They have had at least a decade (accounting for study/young parent) to grow up and be adults and think about their own future and how they will be housed - they will surely have been aware of the legalities of the will etc. They've had the ability to save what would have been paid on rent over all that time but chose not to.

Your inheritance has enabled them to live with no rent/mortgage to pay but this had an end point all along.

I don't think you should give your Mum money from your house. It's not "hers" or your GGMs it is yours!

The having a 4/5 year old and still living with your parents could sound juvenile if you think that way, but actually how about "you've graduated from uni and your DC is starting school, you have a secure home mortgage free thanks to your grandparents and your parents happen to be staying in your spare room whilst waiting for their new place".

You've got a few choices:
Parents pay you rent and stay together like now.
Parents move out.
Parents buy you out.
You sell up and buy something suitable for your needs.
You sell and buy two smaller places - but parents still pay rent.

The free ride needs to end - I can't imagine living for free in my child's house right now and not having a plan in place for the future.

I can't believe that they have lived there for free, are young, and are saying they won't do childcare.

Could you not say that your uni years are going to be expensive, especially for childcare. They can provide childcare OR pay rent. Their choice.