Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Still nothing from Mr cook. Despite him being on WhatsApp last night till midnight he didn't read my messages. Can only assume he was chatting to someone else. Which is fine....but at least give me the courtesy of a reply.
So resigned myself to it being over....I can't really carry on with this level of uncertainty.

But I do have my other date today. Feel a bit down right now but determined to have a good time.

Wigngle, yes, there's seems to be a lot of men in their 40's with young kids, I think a lot of them were on their 2nd big relationship or even 2nd family, much easier for men to have children later than it is women ( I'm only 35 but by the time I'm 40 my children will be in late teens and I can't think of anything worse than starting again.

Remember, grrr, I hate the whole whatsapp thing, being ignored and knowing people are online. Move on to the next one and try and forget about him, it's just the way online dating goes.

I still have 2 irons messaging me, one asked me why I had blocked them on POF, I hadn't, I have removed myself and didn't feel I had to explain why to anyone.

Thanks LoveMusic - I will try. I just hope he feels really shitty about it (but they don't, do they?).

I am not going to use Whatsapp in the future. it is really depressing to wait for the messages to be read and to see what they are doing. It feeds my obsessiveness which is not good for me.

I will stick to email or texts.

Agree about the kids thing. I am 43 and my kids are in their late teens. I would never consider having another family. but i am not concerned about men who have their kids regularly - but their kids are not my responsibility.

Remember -sorry to hear about Mr cook. They are such buggers. I really don't know how to prevent oneself from these types. So hard. I am glad you have another date to focus on.
Whatsapp is really evil for notifications. I have switched off my last seen button as fuels my anxiety. Means noone can see.when you've been online too.
Mr football after texts and calls Sunday and Monday after our great 3rd date Saturday where he took me out for a lovely meal, only sent basic replies after I contacted him tues, no reply to another message I sent Weds. Is so confusing when they blow hot and cold. So.much better they don't say anything than build it up then backtrack and repeat. I think my radar is off as I know him from real life.
Want to give it a few more days but not sure what to do if he doesn't contact and once we inevitably see each other through normal life. Last time that triggered him to go hot again.

oh lovely & glad so many participated in questions time
i realised i had not answered myself :-p
wrt whatsApp - I always had it notification OFF for everyone like plenty
as I am bad myself at replying right away I rather no one seen I have read their msg and avoided answering, therefore read into it as neglect or st.

one thing though, if you are staring at the conversation / read the convo back while the OP is looking at it at the same time, it still shows that both are ON (staring and not talking like to moros, but that is just it)

remember pls make sure you are the one on the Plinth with your next date. Sod this Mr Cook !

I have a date tonight with such a lovely plan, but something has happen in RL truly traumatic this week. It would do me good to go out but at the same time I have emotionally dreamed and worried about this terrible RL situation. Not sure what to do

(good grief, woman! check your spelling)
I have emotionally dreamed - I am emotionally drained

mrchef has kids to same age as mine as well so we are kinda on the same wave length ...

With regards whatsapp mrlocal assumed I was messaging other men because I was online but not mesg him. He obviously thought you only use whatsapp when your dating! All my friends are on whatapps so I am very often chatting to them! So I think it can be misleading. Saying that I hate to see they've read my mesg and not replied straight away although it doesn't bother me if my friends don't!! I think online dating just makes us all cynical

My Mr Cook has also failed to reply to a very simple text message...so I am not holding out hope.

I suppose I now want to know what to do next. I felt very close to him, I shared lots of "secrets" with him and him with me. I realise I can't carry on in a friendship where I feel disrespected and ignored and well...used. But do I tell him this or just ignore him right back. I feel the need for closure of some description, but if he isn't reading my messages, what should I do?

Today is day 3 of no contact - we have never gone longer than one day.

On a brighter note - I am dressed up for my date. Meeting at midday. Simple pretty dress and black tights. The sun is shining and I might suggest a nice walk before stopping for something to eat. he is also staying close by overnight - so thinking of meeting up again this evening (if it goes well).

InTheMood - sounds like you need a good night out - but maybe warn him that you have had some bad news and might need to head home early. Just in case. Hope it isn't too bad and that you are coping OK.

wingle - I'd go on a first date with mrchef and see what happens. Otherwise you'll be forever wondering, what if.

remember - MrCook doesn't deserve you. It's hard when you've invested so much of yourself in a relationship, I know. But I found just getting on pof and doing a bit of window-shopping or friendly chatting was the best thing for me to get over my last relationship.

Meanwhile, I seem to be attracting all the young guys who want an older woman - I'm late 40's, they're mid thirties. All the blokes my age that I've messaged have not replied. So I've decided that age doesn't matter and both are just coffee dates, so why not.
And my coffee date from yesterday has just texted to say Hi. So that may not be over. Still in two minds whether a second date may be worthwhile.

Runnny - I think if not a total no, then a second date is worth a shot? Less nerves and can at least see if there is more to it once past the initial getting to know chat.
Remember - good luck with the lunch time date. All sounds promising. I think carry on ignoring Mr cook, he can get in touch if he wants and then maybe say something? Or just be much slower to reply /less keen. I have been watching loads of dating guru stuff on YouTube due to my hot/cold guy and they all basically say wait it out and try to step back which it seems you are doing.
Good luck to everyone else on dates rhis weekend

Thanks Plentyof - I've sent a text back just to say Hi, how are you? I'm not going to chase him but if he asks I'll go on a second date. Think I'll call him MrPhd.

On the kids issue, I didn't want to meet anyone with young kids. My daughter is 16, so I have more time to live my own life and in a few years will be better off financially. So I really don't want to have to live my life around anyone else's kids. Mr 31 doesn't have any, which is a whole other issue!!

Runny don't rule out the younger guys, you could miss out on lots of fun. I mmmm'd and ahhhh'd about my chap and he's turned out to be the best thing that's happened to me in years!! We're both very happy ( and I'm not even a well put together 40, whilst he's quite hot!!)

Todays date was good. 3.5 hours of constant chat but not completely sure I was physically attracted. That could be for all kinds of reasons though that are not related to him. I am also very worried about his job which takes him all over the world. Why do i always choose the difficult ones?
He is also still living in the same house as his ex...but says they have lived as friends for about 3 years...

Still nothing from Mr Cook - I am really hating him right now, but still constantly checking for messages.

HI I've found you.

I've taken my profile off POF and most of the other sites. I have been having fun with tinder though. Chatting to a few guys and actually heading off for a date on Saturday. I'm really excited, but I think it's more of the prospect of my first night out in a bar without kids since I separated from XH.

We've been chatting all week and seem to get on really well. We have the same sense of humor. He's 7 years younger than me, lives 90 km away, which were both things I would avoid. But, his little spiel made me laugh. He obviously liked the look of me too so we matched. I'm going to take the train and have booked a cheap hotel. It is only an hours drive, but I think I'm going to need a bit of Dutch courage and I don't like to drive in the dark.

Fingers crossed he doesn't turn out to be a massive tosser.

Ooooh good luck brittany!

Good luck brittany

I like your style Mrsfluff. I'm sticking with the younger guys. I'm getting nowhere with the ones closer to my age. They're either boring or just want to talk dirty. At least with the younger guys I seem to be able to have a laugh.
So I've agreed to meet the 36yr old very hot looking personal trainer. I told him I was only interested in dating and not casual sex. That didn't put him off. Watch this space!

Another question - a guy on pof sent me a very nice friendly message the other day. He had no profile photo so normally I wouldn't bother replying except that he'd obviously put a lot of thought into his message.
But very quickly he asked for my phone number. So I said no cos of the lack of photo.
Twice now he's sent me a very polite message explaining that he doesn't want to put up a photo in case work colleagues see him. I haven't replied.
He's just sent another. Should I just block him? Or ignore him and hope he goes away?

If he's polite and sounds thoughtful and interesting, I'd give him a whirl! Worst case scenario, you chat and arrange a date and there's no physical attraction for you and you wish him well and move on.

Runnny I'd be thinking more likely he doesn't want his wife to see his pics? Would definitely tread very carefully with that

Remember, I would be worried about him living with his ex and the work thing would probably worry me too but then I'm one of those people that can find fault with almost anyone . I'm still trying to find fault with mr mod but all I can find is the distance thing but in a way it could be a positive. Mr cook sounds like he's done a runner or found someone else, you need to forget about him. I am trying to go no contact with one of my irons, I have only been chatting to him for something to do, he's not my type, he's the one that talks about how much money he has and tells me he will take me on holiday. I'm just ignoring him but I feel a bit guilty .

I think that's a bit cynical. Had I not met MrLD when I did I'd have shortly taken profile pictures off my tinder account. I'm a student social worker and was about to start a placement and wouldn't have wanted to run the risk of the service users or their families spotting me on a dating website! There are loads of reasons people would be cautious.

Sorry, but I'm with Plenty. I wouldn't chat to someone with no picture and I certainly wouldn't meet. They may be genuine, but that's not been my experience. Even if they are, I want to picture who I'm messaging and I'd need to find them attractive.

I think I am becoming way too jaded with all this! Maybe it does depend on the line of work he is in then. But if it is just an ordinary job with no confidentiality issues then would definitely be trying to find out more

I have chatted to several men who haven't had profile pictures, one was a police man and turned out to be into dogging and group sex (I never met him), one turned out to be married and the other was just very unattractive. I now tend to stay away from people without profile pics.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I'm just ignoring him at the moment. I think he could put some sort of photo up. My initial profile pic showed me with sunglasses almost hidden behind a tree. It was enough to get some messages and build up my confidence.
Plus I've got plenty of other interest so I don't need to chase after someone who wants to stay hidden.