Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

A random chap at work told me he saw me on pof... I'd consider removing my photos if I was still logging on ever!

I'm on tinder, and i saw (but didn't swipe) one of the cleaners at my office. Describing herself as Vice President of facilities.

Every now and then I walk past her and wonder if she saw my profile too.

But I wouldn't hide my profile photo. People may giggle at me for being on a dating website, but I'm single, have a not-unpleasant face and what the hell. I'll just fire them if I find out :)

Beware the ones who are still living at home. After three years?

That's just someone married.

Hey, just joined. Been reading this thread with interest. Would LOVE some advice on this whole online dating game. Having zero success. Even if some of you peeps are not getting very far, at least you're getting past the very first hurdles!

I see quite a few people I know on POF, there's a couple of dads from my daughters school, I don't click on their profiles because I would get embarrassed if they thought I was nosing at their profiles. It doesn't bother me who sees me.

Hello peoples! Just place marking, as am off to bed with a stinking cold....will post properly tomorrow.

info we need more info!

What sites have you tried and what's happening, or not?

What aren't you having any success at, info?

Firstly, choose your dating site carefully. Different ones are best for different goals and locations.

Pof is the biggest one, covering more areas, and also it's free. But there is a lot of crap in there. It's the McDonald's of dating.

There's OKC, for people with a certain taste (generally more polyamorous, fetishy types). Also free. This is nandos

Match is your gourmet burger bar. Large coverage but you've got to pay. Less likely to get an unexpected gherkin, but there are still some.

You have your niche sites, singlesdating, seacaptaindating. Catering to small markets, fewer profiles, but if there's traffic in the area where you are, you can be successful. This is little chef.

And tinder, which offers quick, simple satisfaction but tends to leave you with an unpleasant aftertaste, and possibly an STI. This is your late night burger caravan.

Then there's elitesingles, guardian soulmates etc. Only good in large cities, costs money but promises to give you what you want. This is your farmers market deli. But it's very rarely open for business.

I seem to be hungry for some reason.

Thanks for the replies! One I start typing, this could go on a bit!

So I'm male, 42, daughter whom is 10, the usual weekend dad kinda thing. I'm the sort of guy that a lot of women seem to ask for on these sites. I'm honest, genuine, can be funny, good job, like doing things, would go on family dates, happy if you have kids or not, generous, kind and no drama. Sounds good right? Can't get dates at all. I'd say I was average looking. I get compliments off people, I'm not good or bad looking really, but the main point of this note is that I'm not bad looking.

I've been on POF since Nov 15, had less dates than I have fingers on one hand. Also on OKCupid, no dates on there. Also on tinder, no matches.

I've tried funny profiles, serious profiles, short profiles, long profiles. All sorts, uber rare I get a message or a view. I've tried messaging women with nice messages, long messages, short messages, funny messages, clever messages and very rarely do they ever view me let alone message me back. It's hard going.

I'd never say I was confident but I'd love a relationship, got loads to offer someone and am a pretty decent catch yet just get absolutely nowhere!! Any tips please?!!

Going back to profile photos, I replied to a man that seemed to match what I was looking for. Chatted and he explained work colleagues had teased him before, so no photo, sounded a lovely person. Then he uploaded a photo. I felt awful as it was an unflattering angle of him 3/4 of it was his massive chin and I couldn't see anything to like, but it was my fault as I'd encouraged him to put it up. He would have had more chance with others without it.
I just reply if there are photos now.

Info have you asked trustworthy friends to give you feedback on your profile?

I haven't, but I've had so many different written profiles that I feel like I'd need someone to check a bunch of different styles of profile. I've tried to go for a mix of photos. Selfies but also, holiday and being out with people. I made sure my profile picture was sharply dressed to try to appeal to more serious people.

Info I've gone back to OLD recently and have experience of looking at male profiles and I'm happy with 2 clear selfie type photos, and don't need much more. It's the written part that I'd then turn to. So I don’t think you necessarily need lots of photos, but I may differ from others with this.

I'm taking a break from OLD at the moment but love your restaurant analogies Bant, I'll remember them when I start again

Bant that's a fantastic list and sums up the dating site choice perfectly. I think we need to expand it though dont you and tag it onto the rules!

info ask a good friend or family member to look at your profile (preferably female). Ask for honest, constructive feedback. Do you get many 'real workd' dates by approaching women you meet on a day to day basis? Is your age range suitable? How about search radius? If you're remote you'll have to expand it.

Regarding your photos, the most successful are ones where the man looks serious, is looking away from the camera and the background is blurred.

'real world' dates not real workd dates obvs.

I agree with the majority on the lack of photos. There seems to be always something dodgy behind. Like all the chopped head / torsos in bathroom photos.
Welcome to the new poster. What site/app have you tried?

bant how very creative you can be on an empty stomach !
but I resent that o k c is nandos, I ve never been in one !

I'm not stacked with the confidence so I'd never ask anyone out in the real world, that's why I use online dating to try and avoid that.

I use POF, okcupid and Tinder. Have subscribed to Match before and had no dates.

I sent a really good message the other evening, it was around what she'd put. She came to view me straight away but no reply. I guess I'll never know why but I know the message was a good one.

I go for ages between mid 30s to high 40s.

inthemood god yes. all the bathroom selfies are so off putting as are pictures of men clutching pints.

Info it sounds like you're doing everything right but it's difficult to comment without seeing your profile. You need to find yourself a dating guru to help you a little bit. The age range chosen sounds fine btw. Good luck.

Info- you have the qualities that prospective partners want but a lot of these only come through when you are dating so don't focus on them in your profile (if you do). Obviously make it clear you have a child in the question bit but don't go on about it in the profile.

Looks can be enhanced with a sharp haircut (if you have hair!) and good clothes.

Your profile should be about interests and what makes you tick.

A lot of women still go for "exciting" over "dull" even if dull and steady is really want they would be happy with long term.

When I was dating I would tend to ignore ...."I love to spend time cycling and spending time with my daughter st the weekend" that's all very nice of course

but I was more drawn to the

"I love to spend my spare time exploring new cities, eating out and trying new things"

Not saying all women are like that but it makes the man more intriguing to me.

info first messages shouldn't be too long, and should be about them, no about you, what you are and like. That is what you put in your profile. Msg something in response to what they write, show that the msg is personal to them. (not a spam you sent to 100 women)

Morning all!

info remember it is a numbers game too. I'm not sure what the ratio is for replying to messages, but most of us find that e don't reply not necessity on the basis of profile, just because we've already got enough irons in the fire.

Short messages which ask for an answer tend to get replies going - I respond better to not relationship type openers...

'hey there, nice legs' gets ignored

'i love reading too, I'm currently reading x book, what are you reading?' Gets a reply.

So mrchef rang me last night, on the phone for an hour, he seems really nice. Going on a date on Tuesday night, I'm his first internet date!!

That's good news Wingletang.

I approve of longer phone chats - I do think messaging can be misleading!

Hi All - it's your (moose)burger van Tinder burger here!!! Thanks Bant very funny

Not been on for a few days as been a bit busy/ill, but after getting dumped last week I thought I would let you know I'm heading off for a first date today (coffee in town). A little nervous as can't seem to work this one out but he writes well with full use of punctuation and grammer. I'll read more updates, respond and update you on date number 1 with Mr Tinder the second later

Good luck Bernie