Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Looby, I have no idea how to change the rules, hopefully someone can help.

Ok, forget my last post, I have asked mn hq if we can remove the last 3 rules, hopefully it will get changed shortly x

Oh so pleased to see the new thread...well done to LoveMusic. I was about to do it myself but as a relative newbie i didn't know if I was allowed :)

I have quite an update...

My iron (mr good cook) has been super busy and not especially communicative. Although still getting in touch at least daily. But the talking has been superficial and I am feeling a bit "meh". but still happy to give him the space he might need.

So after a few days of this I got back on Bumble and came across the most fascinating person. Highly intelligent (phd) and a worldwide business owner who constantly travels to his business locations. but he is based mostly in the southern hemisphere (where I am originally from) where he has children...

he is in the Uk twice a year. But unexpectedly and stupidly, we have hit it off. We have an intellectual connection and he is extremely well read and interesting. But still with some obvious insecurities that make him endearing.

We are meeting for a daytime date on Friday. It can't and won't lead anywhere - but I like talking to him and am happy to continue doing that where-ever in the world he is. Probably setting myself up for a fall - but also fully aware of the situation and not going to get too attached (she says...)

But then today - mr good cook has emerged from his shell and we are supposed to be seeing each other this week too which was prearranged.

Mr intellectual leaves on Monday and won't be back for 6 months - mr good cook lives here but is flaky.

Feel a bit bad seeing them both in one week. Is that OK. Should I tell them that I am going on other dates. Is that fair?

Good luck to every one else. Bant - you should be allowed to have a little moan about your ex from time to time. Relationships are about supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. You can't pretend it is all perfect, when it clearly isn't. Her rule is a little off putting and unrealistic.

remember you have absolutely nothing to declare as yet.
It is called dating for a reason. More so when one of the people is only passing by very briefly.

Having said that if I am trying to arrange with someone and they start calling out days of the week and I have a date, I would say so rather than making excuses or saying I am busy. At the very beginning I like to make it obvious that it is ok, we are all in the checking each other out fast and I am not OI

Then when I am OI I forget my own rules of course

Hello everyone!

Thanks for setting up a new thread.

Dating currently going a bit too well - current iron (3 weeks, 8 dates, no Mooseburgers because I'm easily spooked). Phone chat most nights. Nice when I have to cancel dates due to kids/work/life, but keen to meet up whenever I can make it...

Hi everyone, I've not been on for a couple of weeks.

in the past I've always gone for alpha-make cocky types and decided I want to move away from that. I've been talking to a guy who comes across and quite arrogant eg thinks he's a great catch and better than me. I feel quite drained after talking to him. I know I shouldn't persue it but I can't stop. Gaaaaahhhh when will I learn???

Just realised how awfully pathetic I sound there. 😐

Definitely helped to see it written down.

Baklava, sounds like things are going really well, 8 dates and no mooseburger is good going, I think this shows that he respects you.

Mother, stay clear of the arrogant type, he sounds like a right catch . I steer away from the alpha male types, I often go for the less attractive man too as I would prefer for him to think he's lucky to be dating someone like me.

baklava that sounds really great!!

Ha. Yeah, I prefer to go for the women who are out of my league, so to speak, because.. Well, they're more fanciable aren't they? Not a model, but definitely more generally attractive than me.

But it's so rare to find someone attractive and funny and not crazy.

On that topic, I'm thinking of cancelling my date this weekend. I booked a nice place, and was chatting about her job (midwife) and she was explaining about a machine she uses. I asked if it was the machine that goes 'ping!' And she said . 'Errr, no!?'

Now I'm aware this is an obscure reference, from a month Python film, which involves a sketch about a machine in an operating theatre where women are giving birth.

But you'd think a midwife would have heard of this? At some point, someone will have referred to the most famous fictitious comedic machine ever involved in the birth of babies.

I'm not quoting medieval Swedish literature here.

.. I think she's just not on my wavelength. I quite fancied her, but...

When do you decide that someone isn't right, and when do you keep going and hope they grow on you a bit more and you make a connection?

Bant I love Monty python and would have equally been confused...

bant not knowing a monty Python reference is not a dumping offence as yet. If you fancy her see he really the second time, also remember that face to face things are often easier than trying to gauge and read someone on What's app. If you're attracted to her, defy worth going for that next date!

Hmm.

It's the combination of that and the ex thing. I'll give her a go and see

Are you SURE the ex is absolutely finished? If she's still checking out your profile, especially 5 times she obviously is having as much trouble letting go and moving on as you are. Is there ANY possibility of working things out?

Hi everyone! I am seeing someone, but it's very early days. Can I ask you when the 'exclusivity' thing generally comes into play? Still pretty new to OLD, so am interested to hear your views. Thanks!

Oh no, I meant missquiz's ex thing, the cocklodger.

My ex needs a significant amount of therapy, and to get divorced, and to be 200 miles closer.

I would love her to get in touch and say she was at least working on all of those, but.

As it is, she either wants me to live next door to her, or to be a fuckbuddy. And i want to live with her but still have my kids (hence the distance problem) or to see her when we're both free and I can head over there, but for her to not describe me to her friends as her friend for company, or..

There are too many issues. She has too many issues. She may find happiness with someone else but I made her unhappy. Maybe everyone else will too. Maybe she'll find someone great who she doesn't think is going to try to push her in the river.

Issues.

dieu

Usually it's before sex, but not always. It's your call.

How old are you?

Ok (sorry - rude to ask)

Well in that case, assuming you're dating men 35 to 50, or somewhere in that range, then it's perfectly fine to discuss exclusivity before going to bed.

If you met on OD then you can ask if they're still chatting to other people. And then say you're not, and then ask if he'd be okay to not be chatting to other people too.

OD makes it more difficult, but also easier in some ways

Thanks Bant. Yeah, I can imagine that it would be a fairly awkward conversation to have. I like playing it quite cool (on the outside at least!) so don't want to look jealous or possessive. And it is OD. Doesn't help that my membership runs out soon, and long before his! Makes me feel a bit vulnerable.

had my easy peasy date
didnt feel week in my knees but I think I could do him. Oh I am such a lady

Hi I started OLD in Aug, popping in on these threads occassionally. I just ended a 2 month 'relationship' two days ago and back on OLD again. So glad this thread exists as OLD is a minefield to navigate.

I have a date arranged for Saturday and trying to work out if I'm crazy for jumping straight back in.The relationship ended as he wasn't emotionally ready to be with someone while I am. We've left it as friends and I genuinely wish him well. Sat man ticks boxes on paper and 3 more lined up. I'm fortunate to live in a city with other one less than an hour away. Lots of fish in the sea many may be nutters though.

Morning, just checking in.

Baklava, I'm so pleased to hear it's going well

Lilac, I don't blame you for diving back in to OLD, if you're ready, then you're ready.

MrsFluff hello !

lilac that's sudden, how come?

InTheMood, love the term "do him", see last time I did OLD I could almost do anyone but this time I can't find anyone I want to do, maybe it's just too soon after my ex. Mr nice is still in contact with me and this is what annoys me, he's a really nice bloke but when I look at him I can't imagine 'doing him', I wish I could because I think he's a genuine bloke, I might still let him have that 2nd date at some point. With 3 dates lined up for the next week I am hoping I will feel the need with one of them .

Bant, the issues with your ex sounds complicated and you still sound like you have feelings even though you know it won't work, I think I am similar with my ex which is why I am finding dating people a little bit hard, I guess I'm hoping to find someone that will make me forget about my ex and move on, someone who treats me better, some one without all the baggage he had.