Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

last that sounds good. I am all for going ahead with people that may not fit your mould. MrsFluff encorouged me to do it, and I'm glad (so far) I did. Also, I think this is why chatting on the phone first is important. Have a great date, I look forward to the update

Glad everyone else is having some good dates, sounds like some good vibes going around at the minute which is brilliant.

Nothing from WG and no new irons in the fire. Slow for me but yeah, tat day yesterday was brilliant so it's all good :)

Great news wiggle and Bernie ,glad things are going well and I hope it continues.

I'm actually losing the will to live with Mr MOD, I am on the verge of sending a shitty message. So yesterday he was meant to be coming to mine on the way back from a over night stay, unfortunately I have my DD home ill so he decided it wasn't a great idea and then sent me a message saying 'maybe we can catch up next week', I haven't really heard much since. He usually messages me at night to say good night and messages me in the mornings but nothing. I have sent one message saying 'are you ok?' But I'm really tempted to write 'WTF is going on as it feels like you really can't be bothered?', I haven't seen him for 2 weeks, haven't had MB for ages (and I'm getting desperate), he's off work but seems to be finding other exciting things to do, surely if he wanted to see me he would make more of a effort and would message a bit more?

info v hope your not in too much pain from the tat session, I must book an appointment soon for a cover up but I'm being a wimp about it .

Good to hear some positive updates.

Lovemusic that doesn't sound great. Time to start looking again, maybe?

I'm a bit confused about my different irons at the moment. But I'm sure it'll sort itself out soon. I'm just enjoying some attention for a change. Some MB would be nice as well if I can get past date 1 with anyone.

Lovemusic - oh dear....it sounds a little like he can't be bothered. I had very similar with Mr Chef. Supposed to meet up but didn't hear anything, I sent a message "are you ok" (exactly like you) heard nothing and haven't since.

I did send one final message that told him I felt I deserved better than to be ignored and that it wasn't the type of relationship I wanted. I did that after 4 days of no contact - despite me contacting him on each of those days to ask what was wrong.

I felt good that i put that boundary in place. Four days was enough for me and I felt like i deserved someone who would contact me when he said he would. it wasn't easy to give up on though.

Cannot abide ghosting, really gets me 😡

It seems that ghosting is rather fashionable. Personally, it's rude and its better to be direct with a polite "nice to meet you, but don't think we're on the same page" sort of remark. Always with a smile and dignity! Can't begin to tell of one or two dates which I've perceived to go well, then nothing. Perhaps some men are frightened of that hurdle? Perhaps it's me with my career?! Who knows? It's all a game of chance and numbers, but with the added mix of the unknown human characteristics!

It gives me hope reading these positive outcomes here, but also shows what decent women there are out there, and a load of chancers in the men folk!

Yup. I'm cynical. Some men don't realise their star is in front of them. As for messaging, if they can't be bothered to reply after a days work, forget them. If they can't arrange a date in the next seven days, forget them. If they cannot ring for a good chat, forget them. In these technological days unless your battery is flat, or you're in North Korea, no excuses! As an earlier thread started "we are the prize". Bant gives excellent advice. Info forget WG. Mrs Fluff is an inspiration for us all. Lovemusic you're being messed around.

Oh! After a Sahara desert of failed OLD, these last couple of years, trips to the loo and never returning etc...and other awful scenarios, I am now with an old friend from RL. Who knows me and my quirks...sometimes it really is the boy-next-door!

I'm not sure if he ghosting me or not, it seems a bit odd, he hasn't been online (whatsapp, messenger ) since 10am, I know sometimes he switches his phone off and disappears for a while on his own due to having suffered PTSD. I just feel like maybe because he has been single for 8 years that he's not used to being with anyone, he likes to do his own thing when he wants. He might think I'm not talking to him, I have played it pretty cool and haven't chased, last night he was the last one to message me, I didn't reply because there was nothing to really reply too. I really like him and I thought he was more into me than I was him but maybe not, I just wish he would tell me so I could move on to the next iron. I have been on and off Tinder for a few days, have had a few matches and a message but I haven't replied as I'm not sure what's going on with Mr MOD.

Lovemusic yeah it hurts, it's sore today!! There is another three days work left in this arm though so onwards we go!

Get yours booked!

Upyer V Day would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. I am planning on celebrating it with Mr31 - wine, food, and fantastic MB's

Aw Bernie, I'm glad it's going well and that my encouragement helped!!

It looks as though there are a quite a few successful day lies taking place, which is fab to hear!!

mrsfluff I spent my wedding anniversary in bed with MrBright. It was the best wedding anniversary I've had in years!!

Only just dipped my toe into OLD and getting fed up already!

I mention earlier in the thread that I had an iron who was really hard work on the tests but was reassured on here, and in real life, not to read too much into it. We had a date arranged for last Sunday and he was so quiet leading up to it, perhaps one text a day, that I called him out on it and asked if he'd lost interest in meeting up. He said no way, he was looking forward to it, would've said if he didn't want to, and admitted he just wasn't the best at texting.

Anyway, we went out on Sunday, had a lovely afternoon, nice meal and a snog at the end and he said he wanted to see me again which I agreed to. He messaged me a couple of hours later to say he'd really enjoyed it, asked when he could see me again, and said he'd better improve at texting! All good.

Monday we sent a few texts, but I fell asleep before his last one came through that night. I replied first thing tues morning and didn't hear from him again until weds evening where he apologised for not being in touch and said he'd been really busy and even joked that he'd just started to get better at texting! Thing is, this was all on whatsapp and I could see he'd been on and offline all day. So why no reply? He then didn't reply to my last message and I've heard nothing since. He's also changed his privacy settings so I can't see if he's been online!

I need to give up don't I? I don't really care as I have other irons 😊 but why say he wanted to see me again? Why ignore me for nearly 2 days only to get in touch again then disappear? Why say he'd be honest and not be? I've ghosted people before which I'm not proud of so I'm not surprised karma has come around but it seems a bit odd.

Carrie - I've noticed a lot of men seem to do this. The thing I really hate about OD is that people stay on there for ages even when they've started a relationship and it messes up the relationship, then later they feel sorry but it's too late!

I'll bet he'll be back again. The other possibility is that he's not single. I think I read that 60% of men on dating sites are not actually single.

Info, I will be booking my slot in the chair, need to get it done, I'm almost worthy of a place on tatoo fixers .

So Mr Mod messaged me back and apologised, apparently his dad was rushed to hospital, he lives quite far away so he's been on the phone all day, his dad doesn't have long to live so he will be going to see him tomorrow. I feel a bit guilty now but then again I wasn't to know, luckily I didn't message him the shitty message . Still feels like a bit too much hard work.

Lottie, I think out of the 12 dates I have been on 2 off them haven't been single, one was obviously married and not getting any sex, he would never agree to me going to his house but was happy to come to mine but never hung around very long. The other was still living with his wife but considered himself single, only he forgot to inform her of this.
It's not only men that do the disappearing act, women do it too and I am guilty of doing it a couple times. Mr nice had continued to message me for weeks after our first date even though I wasn't really interested, he was nice to talk too but this week he has vanished and ignored my 'hi how are you?' message, in a way I hope he has found someone. I have a old iron messaging me, we had a couple of dates 18 months ago when I first started online dating, he's a nice bloke but MB was rubbish and just plain odd so I won't be going back there.

I had no idea women actually liked and seemed MB, I thought I was just used as a trade for things to be done!! ;)

I have wondered if he's not single but I don't know...when we were out on Sunday his phone was constantly 'pinging' although he didn't reply to any of the messages that came through.

I did like him, not in an OI way but just because he was the only iron that never mentioned sex, or asked for lingerie shots etc, just good old fashioned chatting. Was refreshing. Although texting was like getting blood out of a stone! only thing I can possibly think of is that it's a little difficult for me to see anyone during the week although had I had a chance to get to know him better (with easier conversations!) I would've explained that I'd happily get someone to babysit if I were in a regular/established relationship. I have most weekends free which he was aware of anyway so it's not like I was totally unavailable.

I need to move on, I now realise how frustrating it is to be ghosted, even early on. Won't be doing that to anyone ever again

You won't get far with that attitude Info! Of course we like it!!!

But only when done right - and he puts up our shelves or clears the gutters afterwards :)

Bloody hell info, do you think we're all OLD because we're desperate to be bought handbags or something?.

Unless.....(concerned head tilt) are you sure you're doing it right?

It's been such a long time, I'd have to start all over again to find out.

Last MB was August 2015. Jeez.

IDK carrie, so many people seem to obsess if they're not constantly messaging their irons- and I mean constantly. Sounds exhausting to me. Did you and this chap actually arrange a second date? Mr Anarchist and I have been going for up to 2-3 days without contacting each other- hell, we're busy! But we fixed on a 3rd date tomorrow night, on Tuesday, so is constant texting really necessary? OK so I totally freaked out the other night about him not texting, didn't I? A minor blip, I say

Does no one else have small children on this thread?? I have a 7 year old and a 20 month old, and work and all that shit, and I'm actually quite happy not to feel the pressure to be texting every couple of hours!

I have a friend who has met someone in RL, and she has three kids, and was saying that he was really happy to have met someone who didn't require constant contact, and what a relief she found that, with 3 kids and a couple of jobs and an abusive ex and a house move! I said how funny it was, that we should spend our teens and twenties playing hard to get, but no need for that nowadays- we genuinely are hard to get!

Approximately October 2014 for me info. And the last person up there was coming out the other way!!

Just had a guy on Tinder accuse me of being married because I don't respond to his messages in two minutes and because I said I didn't want to share my mobile number at the moment. I've unmatched him obviously.

I'm not entirely sure I want to have a relationship with someone, the more I think about sharing my home and my life with someone I get very panicky. I miss MB though, 2012 for me so am seriously considering just going for a FWB type of thing.

Stubborn I don't expect constant texts, I'm a busy person as is he. It was more the one word responses that I found difficult and I do find going two full days before replying a little odd if I'm honest. But then I communicate with friends a lot by text so maybe I'm just used to more regular contact.

We didn't arrange a specific day as such, he has his kids this weekend whereas I don't and we're both free next weekend so I suggested doing something then. He said definitely and then asked if I was free during the week at all before then - I said I'm away with the children next week but could possibly be free tonight. This was on Sunday night we spoke about all this and he said he might be away with work tonight but would confirm the next night. He never mentioned it in his messages the next night so nothing more has been said since. The very few texts since have been along the lines of 'hi, how are you' and once I reply then he goes silent!

He's blown me out, I'm inder no illusions now, and that's fine. A shame, but fine. I'd rather it now than in a few more dates time. My confidence isn't great after the breakdown of a long marriage, particularly as my husband had been having an affair for 6 months, so I don't need anyone flaky in my life.