Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Just had something happen that has left me feeling quite down & not really understanding what went on.
Chatting to a guy on POF for a couple of weeks. We chatted every day and quite often late into the night. We seemed to get on well.
He sent me a couple of messages last night but I'd fallen asleep. Then he sent on this morning and I only just got to look at it.
When I tried to look, he gone! Whole account deleted. No idea what his last message said.
I know this is how OLD goes but I'm stunned and left wondering what he said at the end.

I've had that a couple of times before. Chatting away and then they just delete their account, like woah. Okay!

Well I stepped back from Mr After10 and he messaged me on Sunday night at 9.44pm asking how a thing I was doing on Saturday went. I waited until yesterday to reply, this was about 6.30pm. Guess what time he replied at? 9.49pm! He must think this is his effort to message earlier

I would normally have a couple of irons but I am just so fed up with online dating.

Hi everyone

Glad to see I am not the only one who obsessively keeps looking at their messages to see if someone had read or responded.

Now officially single, broke up for good with guy I had been seeing on Friday, all a bit of a mess and I made a bit of a fool of myself asking for another chance and was very upset. Can see now how unsuited we were and feeling much more upbeat although still a bit tearful. Think I was clinging on to the fact that I thought we would be long term rather then realising he wasn't right. Been friends for 25 years so it hurts. Onwards and upwards though. Not dating for a while but will continue to check in.

Me too, elsa - I'm off OLD for a while. I really can't be arsed putting the effort in.

Bant-I've been on and off it for two years now and it is knocking my confidence. The only ones who seem to be interested are the ones who have issues :( Any of the ones who I think would be compatible just don't want to know.

I'd love to give up but I keep the faith that someone is out there. I'm a romantic, I have to keep believing it!

I would say keep at it Elsa, Bant & Info, there are a lot of time wasters on OLD but there are also some good ones. When I look at my family at all the happy and fulfilling relationships it gives me hope.

Thanks Info and Zany :) I have tried to remain positive but the last couple of men have really knocked me. I do know people irl who have met their partners online but I'm thinking now they must be very lucky.

Do you think online dating is becoming harder nowadays as it is more popular, so it attracts more?

I've lost confidence as well. Combination of so called friends laughing at me for being on OLD. Randomly being approached by someone who'd seen my profile. And finally the guy disappearing today ( who I had totally OI in).

Lots of people wanting to give up , as info said 'I think there's someone out there for everyone' it's just bloody hard to find them .

I miss not doing it, I miss the pure entertainment of the crazy people that message me, I miss looking through profiles and laughing at people's photos. It is easy to OI when you start messaging someone, I have learnt not too until at least the 3 or 4 th date, it is hard though but I do enjoy it in a funny kind of way.

I wonder if I was just very lucky or not especially fussy!

I am not saying everyone else is too fussy - but I think I am probably more happy to settle with a person with flaws than other people are. it says alot more about me than anyone else - but I am just very tolerant and put up with stuff my friends find unacceptable. Not bad stuff, but just irritants that don't bother me.

Also i truly don't really care about looks. So I have been out with loads of men who were amazing, but never got a look in because they were not conventionally handsome. I always chose the interesting weird looking ones...

The issue with tinder is that it is too easy to swipe away the interesting men because of the way they look. That is a shame.

Maybe it is time to choose men that don't fit your usual profile and see if they might be a refreshing change from the ghosting bastards or flaky bores many of us seem to come across.

I agree with remember - try going for someone who does not fit your usual! I am going on my third date tomorrow with a bloke who is so far from what I would normally go for, it's funny. Mrs Fluff on here, did this too and is about to go on their first holiday together. I still don't know if it will go any further for me but, for the first time since beginning OLD (a few years now), I am not experiencing anxiety about messaging - sending/receiving, no worrying about whether he will ghost (I've probably jinxed it now). It's just very easy ...... so far..........

Hi remember and Bernie. I agree with you both - look outside your usual choices. Mr31 is a complete contradiction to my Match searches, yet we actually have similar tastes and outlooks. We laugh lots and have a fab time together and we go on holiday next week! I would have missed out on meeting him, if he hadn't contacted me and it would have been my loss.

I would consider myself to be open minded about my choices and have given men a chance, probably longer than I should. Where I have written them off it has been over things like not having a job and no intention of getting one, mummy's boys, being full on during our first date, smokers and the one who turned out to be more invested in a 16 year old girl!

I have found it to be men who are unwilling to look outside their usual choices. That is my problem. I'm very quiet so it takes a while to open up and I'm not out drinking every weekend.

remmber I try to go for the less good looking ones and the slightly quirky ones. I scroll past the good looking guys that are showing off there pecs and the ones with amazing eyes. I don't think I would feel comfortable being with someone really good looking and fit, most of these guys know they are fit and are complete tossers . I liked mr mod because he looked interesting, he looked older than he said he was, we shared interests but I wasn't instantly attracted to his looks ( he looks ok ). I kind of get a bit scared if I get a message from a fit guy, usually they are after one thing and are the ones that message with 'hi sexy'.

I agree with love and others about not finding attractive men attractive (iyswim!)

Anyway - I'm not giving up - currently 6 weeks into something which seems gentle and fun and supportive. I'm not sure if this is a long term thing, but it's lovely and what I need at the moment.

Makes me think of years ago at school. A mate of mine said a really pretty girl asked him out but he turned her down. I asked why he'd do such a crazy thing and he said it's the pressure of someone like that. I kinda understand now.

Still, people either wanna stay or they wanna go.

I would quite like to poll the thread and ask people what they would do.

Had pencilled in tomorrow night with WG but haven't heard anything. Exchanged one message on Sunday, that's it. She takes a class tonight and was going to be covering one tomorrow and was going to try and swap, but was gonna let me know, and hasn't. Would you:

A) drop a message tonight, maybe hope your class went well, any news about tomorrow?
B) wait until end of tomorrow night and say guess tonight wasn't available then but smiley faces to show it's light hearted.
C) do nothing and forget.

D) hi, if tomorrow is still good, how about we say 8 o'clock at that place we talked about. The one with the fire breathing midgets. * if that's not good, let me know. Hope your class went well. :)

*i don't know what conversations you've had, but always talk about fire breathing midgets. It should be one of the Rules.

I would probably do C, but think Bant's suggestion is a much better option,

I would do C)

I think C, it is rude of her and you don't need someone without basic manners in your life

I reckon a! If is doesn't happen or she doesn't reply then is same outcome as b and c, if it does happen you have the chance to blow her socks off in person and decide whether you even like her

I have a daytime date tomorrow. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. Shall call him Mr Bloom. Doing it rather old skool with daily texts. Am enjoying not communicating through whatsapp. Just knowing someone has seen a message and not replied gets me edgy. This is way better for my nerves. We are sending longer texts too. Anyway shall see how it goes!

Ha ha I like Bant's idea.

The right answer is probably C though isn't it, I mean I'd love to call her out on it because it is rude but I'm not the dating police so it's not my job really.

I have another full day in the ink chair tomorrow anyway so likely couldn't be arsed to be overly chatty.

A good reminder that WG looks usually means Toilet Grade personality. With the exception of me of course.

Joke.