My ex is back in contact

[Bigfluffybear]

Hello long time lurker but decided to post for advice. Please be nice to me!

Blue I was 20 when it started he was 32. As far as I know his wife didn't find out.

Cri what does having kids got to do with it?

Thanks boxing Helena although I do feel bad about my behaviour at the time.

Having witnessed a few affairs third hand, one thing has always struck me as to why i could never do it, regardless of how I felt about my partner. Its the lying and deceit that goes with it, not just to the partner but to friends, family and colleagues. To pull that off for two years, regardless of what you saw through your youthful rose-tinted glasses, that man must have no soul. Do you really want to risk getting back into a relationship with someone so fundamentally untrustworthy and devious?

OP
Her point is people find it harder to divorce when they have kids. He didn't find you worthy of it for two whole years.

Aren't I just as bad other half? People thought he was my sons dad and I never corrected them

When you have children there is an added pressure to make a marriage work for their sake. You are part of a family, not just a partnership If you don't have children and you fall for somebody else then surely you just come clean and leave? Unless it is just sex on the side but you seem sure that wasn't the case...

Bluebird he never fed me any lines about his wife. I accepted he wasn't going to leave her but by the time two years came I realised I needed to move on.

You were still young so whilst what you did was very wrong I can give you the benefit of perhaps having changed as you've matured. He was 32. People change very little beyond 30 in terms of their fundamental personality IME.

You keep saying he wasn't going to leave her, but he did leave or she binned him. Did she catch him out with his next affair?

I have definitely changed other half

I don't know how the marriage came to an end maggie cate.

Well that was very gentlemanly of him... I'm just saying that you're under the impression that it was more than just sex, which is why you're considering starting it up now he's clicked his fingers, but actually the evidence you've presented suggests that for him it really was just sex and a bit of an ego stroke from a younger woman on the side. If he shared your feelings he would have come clean and left his wife but he didn't. The fact that he was nice to you and your son just meant you'd keep sleeping with him. If you get involved now then you're starting from the same position of weakness - you have feelings for him but he thinks you're a booty call.

I don't think I'm in a position of weakness really. I refuse to believe he didn't have feelings for me. I won't be replying thinking of having sex with him a catch up maybe

What is so attractive about an expert liar and a cheat?
This man cared nothing for his wife or you. I doubt he even bothered with protection so probably but his wife's sexual health at risk op will now say they used condoms

Have more self respect and self worth OP.

Raccoon dont be goady. I do have self respect.

I am not being toady.

You spent 2 years with a married man and pretended he was your sons father

He has not bothered with you in 10 years and now you are all starry eyed and refuse to see your affair as grubby and you are convinced he had feelings for you. Now you want to reconnect with him. Does that sound like somebody with self respect to you?

Goady

I don't think your use of condoms or lack of it is our concern here. Your lack of self respect is enabling and has enabled a cheater. You want that too because you will still reply to him and talk to him no matter what you hear from us.
So in effect it's you who is goady op. Specially knowing so many women and men on munsnet have faced the same thing.

Raccoon only me and him know the feelings involved. Im not starry eyed at all. We didnt pretend he was ds dad either people assumed that.

Valentine i will reply it doesnt mean were going to meet and have sex

And you did not correct them therefore you pretended.

OP he had no feelings for you.
If he had he would have left his wife. He didn't. Why didn't he?

I wasnt going to correct strangers about my ds paternity its not relevant!
I never asked him to leave

I never understood how an OW could go along and have an affair knowing she is destroying the marriage of another woman. I only understood this after coming on mumsnet.
Your "feelings" were his dick dip at the time and he would love to have you by his side now that he is 40s and knows it's harder to get 20 something women for dates anymore.
I think you need to go on and talk to him and then follow the script to learn the hard way.

And he never chose to either.

Yep some strong feelings right there OP

Not sure what you want out of this thread tbh. Are you just gloating that you had an affair?