My ex is back in contact

[Bigfluffybear]

Hello long time lurker but decided to post for advice. Please be nice to me!

Like you're actually considering replying, if it was anything more than a shag 1-he would of left his wife 2-contacted you as soon as he'd ended it with his wife. You're nothing to him. Have some self respect

Trifle I'm not proud of it but I've never felt like that about anyone since. I do have my own life and it's successful.

So you keep saying.

So are you feeling that this is an unfinished connection with someone? Your post crossed with mine and made me wonder. What do you feel for him now? After all this life and time?

You have never felt like that because you have a very complicated fucked up moral compass for rules around relationships. Go on So long as you are ready for him to go and marry someone else again and announce you to the world as his mistress. Or vice versa.

Yes trifle I feel it's unfinished. I still have feelings for him and remember that despite the situation he was good to me and my son. It wasn't a hotel room grubby affair I stand by that .

Cheating men are enabled by some women at least. I used to hear that. Mumsnet taught me it's totally true.

Good luck.

Thank you

So you feel that you'd like to reconnect with him. Is it possible to keep ds out of this? There are huge swirls of experience between your journey and his. You might not meet the one you left behind. He might not meet the you he left behind - though I think he will because you haven't moved on from where he left you. I actually understand that so don't take it any other way.

Do you truly desire to revive things as if the emotions were in a time capsule, suspended, paused for resuming later? Be prepared for that to be fantasy. You're in two worlds now. The one of your youthful, naive dreams and the one as an adult woman with a child to protect from potential chaos. But it is YOUR open-eyed choice and NOW-you awareness that is needed. Not a dip in the pool of past regret or fantasy.

Thanks trifle that's the nicest reply I've had. My DS will no way be involved in this he used to ask after my ex for a while after we split and it really hurt. I suppose if the timing was right then I would think about reviving it

If you get back in touch with him you will end up shagging him. You will then fall for him again. Both of these are obvious from the way you talk about him.

The problem is - what does he want. He may be just after a bit of uncomplicated sex. In which case you will undoubtedly get your heart broken.

The other option is that he is after a relationship too. So I guess the "happy ever after" is you two getting married. But he doesn't treat his wives very well.

This is about as high as I could imagine on the "awful affair" scale. He didn't get with you in a slightly awkward overlap between ending one relationship and starting another (he stayed with her for 5 years after he first got together with you). It wasn't a one off while drunk - he was with you for two years and played happy families with your son FFS. He wasn't trapped by kids (there weren't any) or money (if he could afford a holiday with you he could afford to leave). He made the conscious decision to be married to one woman whilst playing daddy to another woman's son.

You sound like your life is pretty sorted now. Do you really want to let him back into it?

It's odd to say on the one hand that you aren't proud of your behaviour and you know it was very wrong, but on the other hand to so obviously look back on it wistfully as a wonderful part of your life. The fact that you had to ask racoon why she thought it was "yuk" to go on a pretend family holiday with someone else's husband makes it seem that you actually haven't matured enough to understand what a terrible thing you both did. I think that's why you aren't getting the sympathetic response from some posters that you were perhaps hoping for.

Message him if you want but don't kid yourself that it's a star crossed lovers/soulmates scenario. He's testing the waters to see if you might still sleep with him.

Oh, and by the way, affairs are grubby by their very nature. Whether you shagged him in a hotel room or he lied to his wife to take you on holiday makes little difference.

I would like to meet with no expectations. We still work in the same field so will no doubt have lots in common still. I'm 10 years older now so I'm more worldly and whatever happens my ds comes first. He didn't treat his wife well and believe me I've felt guilt over that.

Bluebird I'm not proud one bit of my behaviour but I can't help how I feel. I'm not a bad person.

Lots of really judgemental and defensive posts on here. As if the posters have never ever once done something that they've looked back on and thought, 'that's wasn't right'. Also life isn't black and white, life is messy and relationships can be complicated.

Thanks dead souls I think I've made it clear I knew it was wrong.

So the OP spent 2 years knowingly fucking a married man and taking her son along for the ride but apparently judging her on that is wrong. Bollocks.

Relationships are less complicated when one party isnt a cheating scumbag.

Of course I deserve to be judged raccoon I've judged myself for my behaviour and when it ended I was disgusted with myself.

I didn't say judging was wrong, I said there were lots of judgemental comments. Judge if you like. It's only my opinion.

Of course there are judgemental comments given this pairs actions. What a daft thing to say Dead.

I'm not a judgemental person but you had an affair for two years and he took you and your son on holiday! That's bad but I do get you feel guilty. How old we're you at the time? Did his wife ever find out?

Bigfluffybear life is short, do whatever you feel like doing. It really isn't a big deal. You may get to meet and catch up and than close that door again. I do not get all the judgmental scaremongering

deadsouls
Sorry to break it to you but cheating for two years is not your run of the mill grey and white. It's downright black for a reason.

If he had no kids then what was the point of cheating on his wife for 2 years?