Does the amount of fathers really matter?

[Busybeesbum]

Hi I'm a mum of four aged 10 to 2. I'm single and dating when I get time. My children are to 3 different fathers although my ex husband took the 2 on I already had when we met and is a good dad to all of them.
However I worry I'm going to be judged if I get serious with someone and tell them about the different fathers. I won't lie or pretend to be something I'm not but how do I get past the judgement?

Op, what kind of man do you want? Any preferences?

Yes Op what are you looking for in future dates? Are you on any dating sites? What's important to you?
Why do you feel as if you've bit been making much effort? Could that be that you aren't ready or just out of the swing of things?

I wouldn't judge you but I wouldn't choose to be in your position nor would I choose to be in a relationship with a man who had multiple children from multiple partners.

My dad has 4 children by 3 women, his wife has 5 children from 2 men. I do judge the situation and the impact it has had on us children. Not only do some people judge people with multiple children from multiple partners they sometimes judge the children too (in my experience).

Just read all my questions Op, it's like the Spanish Inquisition, apologies

Only as banter by men to other men but it's still relevant in terms of the attitudes of some people.

Sorry that was for Museum

I'm with Morris. It would put me off, especially your wanting more kids. I wouldn't be interested in someone with so many children who then wanted more because it's not someone I'd share life views with.

I know of someone who has 4 kids by 4 different dads. All been taken off her. And she pregnant with number 5 by dad number 5. I massively judge her but I think that's more because I know the type of person that she is.

"and if he does he's a hypocrite if he shags them"

Very true!

I think the judgement comes not from the different dad's as such but from people's realisation that we've had the wanton hussery to have had sex with more than one man, the whores that we are!😂

This is way off the mark. Society has moved on from the 1950s and nearly everyone accepts that people, including women, will have more than one sexual partner in their lives.

I wouldn't make any assumptions about anyone in OP's position but depending on the circumstances I might decide that person was not for me. OP's situation seems fairly stable - one involved father, all children living together. Other situations could be chaotic.

OP, I would tell people you have 4 children and when they get to know you, you can explain the circumstances of how your family came to be.

I would probably be quicker to judge a man who had 4 different children by 3 different women, 2 of them in not committed relationships. Actually I'd run a mile from that man, presuming he had a very cavalier attitude to contraception and having children.

Hello. I'm old but not that keen on it! Suppose I want someone with a good job, obvs he'll have to like kids and be on my wavelength. If he had his own kids that would be fine. I am ready to date but it's time that's an issue and I'm looking to increase my working hours so thats an added pressure

I do think that amount of kids would be a issue for many men but absolutely not all. I don't think ye different fathers would be the issue so much as the amount of kids and your desire to have at least two more .. I'm currently helping my bf in his first online dating adventure and He while being a lovely guy would probably not look to date you for that reason but I'm sure there are loads of nice men
Who wouldn't bat an eyelid

My situation is stable and my ex is fine so if I did meet someone he'd be fine. All the kids call him dad.
On another note I do have a date with a man I've been talking to for a few weeks old tomorrow

It would matter to me with a man if he had multiple kids with multiple women. I can cope with multiple kids just about....
Life is busy and complicated enough already without multiple exes in the mix all with different things going on. I have 2 kids with one ex and he has 3 kids with one ex. Then my DC have a half sibling. Boyfriend's ex now has 2 step kids. It's all messy enough!

I think I wouldn't put my kids through having multiple siblings with other men because I think it would be difficult for them. I'm not judging you it's my own choice what's right for my family. I would just take each person on face value though, some things just don't work out. But dating with kids isn't easy and it's often easier to date other parents, then taking on even more kids you aren't related to...

People will always judge. The I recall Ulrikka Johnson being called 4x4.

If it puts men off (it will do), then move on to the next man. Just be truthful about it.

True bum life's complicated though. Hopefully anyone I date will be satisfied I'm not looking for a dad as my kids have a really good dad. I'd like to think I'm still marriage material :-)

I'd have to agree with MuseumofCurry - it sounds chaotic and stressful for the children and I probably would judge.

I think it goes for both genders though. The I went to a funeral recently (male relative) and on the list of survived relatives, it listed 14 children by 5 different mothers.

It was a bit of a talking point.

I'm the same mine don't need a dad so BF knows there is no pressure there and his don't need a new mum.
I have totally given up dating childless men. It doesn't work for me. But then I categorically do not want more kids and really it's best I found someone who didn't either.
But now I will have to integrate all these flipping kids somehow all different ages and interests.
I wouldn't make it obvious you want more kids too soon until you know it's a bit more serious. I was quite open about not wanting kids and so was BF when we decided to give things a go.

Also I am not saying do not have more kids but maybe look at the reasons why you do. I can see the appeal and know the urges but in your situation you don't want to let the desire for a large family mean you make any decisions you can't change later down the line. Also the impact on your kids now. It's really nice their dad supports them but it would probably be more appealing to an educated man that you support yourself. Please don't take that the wrong way. I can see the concept that maybe as your kids are young and your ex is supportive financially you have a good situation but that may actually mean men would feel some pressure to be the financial support does this make sense? You would need to be very settled and solid financially to take on the challenge of having 6 kids (if you have 2 more) and then any step children there may be.

I just think "irresponsible".

I'd personally look at it from a slightly different perspective: it's a great tool to toss out the shallow, judgemental people.

I've had four DC although only two surviving with 2 men (one to one, three to one if it's relevant) both 5 year committed relationships.

DH isn't arsed I met him when he was 29 and childless. I do think women get judged more then men. Life can be complicated.

I wouldn't judge someone on it.

Bum I do work and am due to increase my hours when my youngest goes to nursery. My ex has a very good job so does support a lot but we both decided this was the best thing for the kids

I think it's more attractive to potential partners to see 'works hard supports self, has nice life without drama' than the number of actual kids. I wouldn't date someone who was financially reliant on someone else