Does the amount of fathers really matter?

[Busybeesbum]

Hi I'm a mum of four aged 10 to 2. I'm single and dating when I get time. My children are to 3 different fathers although my ex husband took the 2 on I already had when we met and is a good dad to all of them.
However I worry I'm going to be judged if I get serious with someone and tell them about the different fathers. I won't lie or pretend to be something I'm not but how do I get past the judgement?

Yes. I think blended families are frankly a bit of a misery for the children involved.

Do you want any more children op?

If I was single I'd rule out meeting men with that much baggage, sorry. If I happened to meet one in real life then that's another matter but online I wouldn't be interested. Life is complicated enough.

Somebody with multiple kids to multiple partners wouldn't be on my wavelength anyway. It's not a judgement, it's just wanting to meet somebody with a shared outlook on life.

Why curry?

I do want more children yes freedom as I love every stage with them so far. Ideally id like another 2.

Busybees does your ex pay a shed load of child support for all four children so that you can afford to only work two days a week?

If he does he's a a very decent guy.

Morris why wouldn't someone like me be on your wavelength? Would you think we had different values?

Curry...my DC would disagree and be more likely to feel sorry for your DC!

Extra Christmas, a big family, lots more people to love and love them. What's not to love?

Have you ever read or watched A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor-Bradford? It's a saga about a woman who has about 5 children with 4 different fathers (and founds a massive retail empire). Sounds like you live life to the full like she does. I would only judge you if you didn't look after your children. Only boring men would judge you and I don't expect you like boring men.

Mini my ex husband does support financially so after our break up I could stay part time and not disrupt the kids too much. He lives five doors away so is very close too

Yes our values would be different. I don't want a big family. Having one child was a huge decision for me and I can't relate to people who have large families or multiple exes.

Some of the people I love most in the world have kids with ill advised exes, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. But I'm not for taking it on, my outlook on parenting is just so different to theirs.

I'm quite shocked at some of these responses tbh.

You've had children with 3 different men? So what?!

Stop apologising and explaining yourself OP, you wouldn't change a thing, so own that. The right bloke won't care, and will trust you've got a handle on your children's contact with their father, and it's none of his business.

Tell them early I say, weed out the judgemental ones.

Good luck!

Morris having children was a big decision for me too

See, the ex thing might bother me too. I wouldn't be keen on someone whose ex was next door...

What a load of rubbish curry, I have a blended family and my kids are very happy, more happy than if I was with my ex.
Its got nothing to do with blood and everything to do with having the same goals as parents and lots of love!

caking "Have you ever read or watched A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor-Bradford? It's a saga about a woman who has about 5 children with 4 different fathers (and founds a massive retail empire)."

what a depressing description. yes it is about a woman who came from nothing to create a massive retail empire - but she had all her children in the days where there were little or no contraceptive options!! At least none that would work.

sorry OP, that isnt linked to you - I was just really saddened to see that description of the novel. The character created an empire and it's been described by the poster as a footnote!!

Two goats my ex is now seeing someone new and I don't have an issue

If I was single and male, I wouldn't judge you for the different fathers.

But I wouldn't want to start a relationship with someone who has so many children and wants more.

However, that's not to say others wouldn't be fine with it.

oh and it was war time, one husband died and had been married for protection anyway....such a weird parallel to draw.

OP you won't know how anyone feels till you tell them.

Yes. I think blended families are frankly a bit of a misery for the children involved

As a parent in a 'blended family' situation I do actually agree with you. I know my DSC is unhappy about having to split time between their mum and DH while DH and I are together with our DCs all the time.

But I honestly don't know what the alternative should've been. DH's ex left him when their DC was two. Should he have remained single until the DC was 18? Should I have walked away rather than take on his DC?

There are no straightforward answers. I know that my DSC's honest opinion would be that their parents never in the first place. Which obviously makes me feel a bit crap. And also would mean that my DC would never exist.

There's no win really. But no solution either.

True worra if it was serious they would need to want more kids like me

*my DSC's honest opinion would be that they'd prefer their parents had never split in the first place.

I wouldn't want to date someone with 4 kids and had ex's hanging about. not sure I would judge because the kids all had different fathers but it would make me think the person was a bad judge of character and was more interested in popping babies out than worrying about quality of life for the children.

What a load of rubbish curry, I have a blended family and my kids are very happy, more happy than if I was with my ex.
Its got nothing to do with blood and everything to do with having the same goals as parents and lots of love!

Great news. My opinion remains unchanged, though.

Peggy one ex is involved and he is biological dad to my younger 2.