Does the amount of fathers really matter?

[Busybeesbum]

Hi I'm a mum of four aged 10 to 2. I'm single and dating when I get time. My children are to 3 different fathers although my ex husband took the 2 on I already had when we met and is a good dad to all of them.
However I worry I'm going to be judged if I get serious with someone and tell them about the different fathers. I won't lie or pretend to be something I'm not but how do I get past the judgement?

Does his girlfriend know that that you have been planning to get together for weeks now?

Your ex sounds like he wants to keep his options open. If I were you I'd be keeping an eye on that. If he wants to leave the relationship with you again, he'll probably set up a new girlfriend first and then tell you afterwards.

His actions do not paint him as the wonderful man that you say he is. Shame you can't see it.

Why did you start a thread in the first place asking if men would be put off r 4 kids to 3 different fathers if getting back together has been "on the cards" since Xmas? You sound full of BS.

I think ive received enough abuse on this thread so im going to leave it there. Whatever i say will be criticised

People have tried to help you. In return you've said every little apart from the fact you're hell bent on doing whatever YOU want. Sod your kids, ex husband and his girlfriend. Assuming she's an ex now you've snapped your fingers and got him running back to you. You sound like a flaky, selfish and inadequate person.

That's me finished. Sort your life out properly before you cause more emotional damage to those poor kids.

OP, I think you have received a lot of abuse on this thread. Certainly some of the points that were made, made a lot of sense, however, they way these points were made by some posters was very rude and insulting.

Good luck with your relationship. I would recommend that you receive some sort of counselling. Your desire to have a fifth child, among other reasons, lost you your marriage and had a huge impact on your children. Your main priority should be the happiness of the children you have already. The way you have acted doesn't show this but I think you know that.

Also, you speak about a career, maybe try concentrating on that more as well if it is something that makes you happy as no career can progress working part time and balancing children.

Wow this thread is harsh. The OP sounds like a good mum who needs counselling for her issues rather than abuse x

I agree, the OP needs some counselling, but I think people's frustration (and therefore rudeness) comes from the fact that she refuses to see she has an apparent addiction, which is damaging to those around her.

As far as I'm concerned, while I have sympathy for the girlfriend, it is best for all if the husband manages to work things out with the OP.

However this is based on limited information because the OP keeps saying different things so people don't have a bad opinion (didn't mention she thinks she tricked two men into fathering children. Didn't expand on why she and her husband split)

It could be that her husband wants to get back together because he desperately misses the children, and the OP has sworn blind that she doesn't want any more kids after all, and is on the pill.

But, given her need to be given unconditional love by a baby (and once it's a few months old, wanting a new one) I think it's likely that she'll find herself pregnant again, her husband will realise she was lying and will leave, and she will be back on here again asking if 5 kids is too many to find a stepdad.

It's horrible to see someone fucking up their own - and many others - lives like this, when she won't admit she has a problem, and has admitted lying in the past.

That's why people are harsh.

I think that if you believe that having babies is easy then you aren't bringing your children up properly. Bringing up children is the hardest thing I have done. And I don't mean until they leave home at 18, I mean that they are great people who contribute to society (so up until they are, say 60). I would say bringing up children is my achievement in life, not my career, or being a great charity worker or whatever but bringing children up to become good, contributing (to the life of those around you) adults is a great thing to do.
If having babies to go into the world to have babies and little else is missing something. Your life will be lacking as will the life of your children.

Bant i think i have been honest but there is certain things i wont disclose on here. Ive compromised with my husband were going to review the situation in a year. Mistress i didnt say babies or children are easy

Okay busy

Well all I'll say is that from what you've said about your ex, you're lucky to have a chance to be with him again. And it's best for the children if you can make it work. So I'll wish him good luck.

I hope you sort your stuff out, I really do. Good luck

(Also, I know this is bad form, but you can't have an amount of husbands, you can have an amount of sugar, or of sand, or of water. You can only have a number of husbands)

Sorry. Jesus, that ones been bugging me. :)

Thanks bant I'm due to see my GP on Monday

Mistress i didnt say babies or children are easy

I wasn't aiming that at you Busy - I'd just been surmising why I don't think loads of kids are a good thing. Ime bringing up DCs is full on demanding work, so if you are doing that you really don't have time for 10 or even 4 small children. Small children grow up then you need time and effort to support teens etc. Post teens it's nice for DCs to have some finances for uni/ house whatever. How can you do this and have time for a fulfilling life of your own with loads of DCs. Something has to give, mostly the attention time you have for the DCs I would guess.

Hi all. I hope im still not the most hated woman on mumsnet. I just wanted to update you all that my mil babysat the kids tonight and we went out! This is a big deal because i dont really like being without them. Anyway we had a really good time and have only just got in

OP I can be quite judgement when I first meet someone. Especially when considering a relationship. But I dated a man I never in a million years thought I would date because of similar things you mention in your post. We didn't stay together but not because of those reasons and it's still the best relationship I ever had.

So my point is... when you meet someone you get on with and these chemistry, the rest doesn't matter. Be confident about the fact you're bringing up 4 kids after the breakdown of previous relationships where the dad has left.

As I said, I judge on these things initially, but the man who I still believe was the love of my life meant that I didn't care one bit about these things when I got to know him.