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Original poster

Does the amount of fathers really matter?

515 replies

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 10:34

Hi I'm a mum of four aged 10 to 2. I'm single and dating when I get time. My children are to 3 different fathers although my ex husband took the 2 on I already had when we met and is a good dad to all of them.
However I worry I'm going to be judged if I get serious with someone and tell them about the different fathers. I won't lie or pretend to be something I'm not but how do I get past the judgement?

OP posts:
Twogoats · 12/01/2017 11:46

I'm a straight childless female. Tbh, I don't think I'd date any man with kids, regardless of how many he had by how many partners.

I think the tricky thing will be finding someone willing to date a parent. I don't think people will be bothered about the number of exes.

KirstyJC · 12/01/2017 11:47

I wouldn't judge you - a close family member has a similar set up. Life happens and things change - anyone who thinks the worse of you isn't worth your time anyway.

It's weird that people would judge if you think about it - all it really means is that you have had sex with at least 3 different people in your life. I mean, haven't we all?! (And then some.....!)

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 11:47

Info I would want a single educated man as opposed to a married stupid man lol. I would also like more children one day so that's a factor

OP posts:
MsGameandWatch · 12/01/2017 11:50

I do not judge and I rather despise people who do. I know I wouldn't get on with them, we just wouldn't think the same way. Many do judge though so I think you'll be lucky to find someone who won't. Might be useful as a bench mark though. The right man won't care.

user1477462353 · 12/01/2017 11:51

I'm sorry yes I can't help judging. I think I would be alright with 2 by 2 different father but over that I'd judge but saying that who am I to judge ! As long as you are happy!

VestalVirgin · 12/01/2017 11:51

There's enough men who have sex without condom, and with more than three different women, so those shouldn't judge you.

If you get serious with a man who didn't have so many sex partners, I recommend emphasizing that you honestly thought you'd stay with dads number 2 and 3.

minifingerz · 12/01/2017 11:52

Hmm, if I was a man I'd view the woman with four children with three different dads as someone who's either a poor judge of character, or someone who takes having children quite casually, or both, and that would worry me.
Sorry. Living in a step family can be hard. I admire those who make it work, but one with four children and all that complexity with relationships would absolutely not be for me. And if I was in your situation I wouldn't be looking for another partner. I'd be focusing on my children's needs and on work (assuming you need to work full time as a single parent with four children).

VestalVirgin · 12/01/2017 11:52

... you'll have to find a man who wants such a big family, though. 4 children is a lot already.

humanfemale · 12/01/2017 11:54

OP I honestly wouldn't worry. The sort of man you'll be looking for should be accepting, open minded and crazy about YOU (as well as being single and educated OBVS Hmm) . You are an individual so no point in seeing yourself as a stereotype "single mother". Just give them the chance to meet you and get how awesome you are. The rest will follow x

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 11:56

Mini I work 2 days soon to be 3 days. My eldest two children's dads have disappeared so my ex husband treats them all as his own so they're is no confusing step parent issues.

OP posts:
MsGameandWatch · 12/01/2017 11:57

think I would be alright with 2 by 2 different father

Phew! Hmm

CMamaof4 · 12/01/2017 11:57

Honestly who cares what people think, If you meet someone and he really likes you he will accept it, If not then I would say at least you haven't had to waste your time getting to know someone.
I met some of the nicest men when I was a single mother of two children, I was very clear from the offset that my kids come first and I have to say I met some of the nicest real men than I have ever met much better than when I was single with no kids, I settled down with my now husband and we have two more children now and a really happy family and if anything ever happened in the future and I was dating again I would be very clear on my situation, It weeds out the men from the boys and you will find someone who really genuinely likes you.

I Can't stand people with such judgemental minds, A break up can happen to anyone no matter how planned out you think your life is, life happens,things change, Be proud of your family don't let anyone get you down about it x

LdnLpoolLou · 12/01/2017 11:58

People will judge but that's the arseholes in all our lives, your being honest which I've always found to be the best policy! If it's an issue then it wasn't meant to be, if he supports you and isn't fussed then bonus!
We don't go into relationships and children then move on to the next fella and let it repeat, we get into relationships thinking this is it it's forever and ever. Life ain't like that, so any judgemental remarks tell them to shove them as they are your family and no one knows what the future holds.

KatelovesJames · 12/01/2017 11:58

I have a child from my marriage (together 13 years) and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with my new dp (together two years, best friend for 16).

I never imagined that I would have children to different men but life isn't so simple.

InfoFreako · 12/01/2017 11:59

People use the word 'judge' as if it's a negative thing. We all make judgements every day of our lives!!

OP - my mistake. I should have said 'unattached, educated man' (and not 'single, educated man')

And to the poster who said having 3 children only shows you've had 3 sexual partners - what a care-free attitude you have to population growth!!!

Cheers.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 12:01

For the record I didn't think I'd have kids by different dads. I wanted a big family but with one person

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 12/01/2017 12:03

Can I just say you shouldn't be hoping to find a man to 'take you all on'
You should be looking for a man who is worthy of joining your fantastic family!
I did indeed meet a man - ten years younger without any kids. We are married now with a toddler. He tells me he felt privileged to join our family and happily spent a lot of time and effort in nurturing the relationships he has with my kids.

When we met I had 10 to 3 father's. He never judged me or questioned my past. He accepted what I knew - that I had made bad choices in past relationships but was still a good parent - and that my kids were fab kids that he wanted to be a role model for. He does a fab job indeed!!

TheNaze73 · 12/01/2017 12:04

I think a lot of people would judge, if they felt that way.

If you're happy, that's all that counts so bollocks to anyone else

FourToTheFloor · 12/01/2017 12:05

Yes I would judge and do. I have a cousin with 4 dc to 3 different df. Their home life is chaotic with dc going to df/not going, some of the df are hands on others not. Tbh it's a rather shit situation for her dc.

TheNaze73 · 12/01/2017 12:06

ilovecain You have 10??? Do you not own a tv? Wink

InfoFreako · 12/01/2017 12:06

OP - my mistake. I should have said 'unattached, educated man' (and not 'single, educated man')

I'll try again lol I meant 'unattached educated men with no children'

Of course, I'm generalising as always exceptions.

Cheers.

Ilovecaindingle · 12/01/2017 12:08

I had ten. Met dh and now have a toddler. . So 11.
We have sky now so all sorted!!

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 12:10

OMG Cain hats off to you. I thought I was busy with four

OP posts:
PixieMiss · 12/01/2017 12:11

Wow ilove hats off to you.

Is there some large age gaps? Just being curious Blush

RigbySM · 12/01/2017 12:12

4 by 2

Couldn't give one tiny toss what anyone thinks about me

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