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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does the amount of fathers really matter?

515 replies

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 10:34

Hi I'm a mum of four aged 10 to 2. I'm single and dating when I get time. My children are to 3 different fathers although my ex husband took the 2 on I already had when we met and is a good dad to all of them.
However I worry I'm going to be judged if I get serious with someone and tell them about the different fathers. I won't lie or pretend to be something I'm not but how do I get past the judgement?

OP posts:
WiggleYourWoo · 15/01/2017 14:43

...and breathe!

Carnabyqueen · 15/01/2017 14:50

I hope the answers to your post have helped you take a long hard look at yourself OP.

perfumedlife · 15/01/2017 14:54

I think the amount of fathers matters, yes. My DH's ex wife went on to have five more children with five men after their divorce and one ds. She lost custody of four of them so chaotic and inadequate was her parenting. The children are suffering and my step son feels constantly responsible for his mother. I judge.

Your desire for more children is infact harming the kids you already have as they no longer live with their father (and the man the other kids call dad).

Underthemoonlight · 15/01/2017 15:00

IM beginning to think this is a wind up thread especially the post U2 found on the confessions thread

MuseumOfCurry · 15/01/2017 15:06

The revelation that the first two were conceived without the father's consent squares pretty neatly with this thread IMO.

In any case, it has certainly run it's course.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 15/01/2017 15:31

I got pregnant with my first 2 children without their fathers permission Or consent

That's a pretty damning omission from this thread.

I'm actually now hoping this isn't real.

SadSadSad

Underthemoonlight · 15/01/2017 16:01

If it is true which I highly doubt op should be utterly ashamed of herself her attitude to children/babies is appaulling.

BlueParrott · 15/01/2017 17:20

This reminds me that sometimes I want another child desperately but I'm sensible and wouldn't bring another child into the world at present. I fight them urges and take the pill everyday. Why continue having kids?

Carnabyqueen · 15/01/2017 17:49

I think it's genuine and the OP is just an utterly selfish woman.

AmysTiara · 15/01/2017 17:54

When your youngest was six months old, you split the family up because you wanted a fifth child and your DH didn't?

That sounds really selfish. you need to think about your existing children not future ones.

BlueParrott · 15/01/2017 17:55

Is anyone that selfish?

Carnabyqueen · 15/01/2017 18:01

It would seem OP is. Her desire for more children comes before the happiness and stability of her existing children. She doesn't want a long term, forever partner or at the very least, it's not the priority. Having someone to get her pregnant again is the driving force. Her wants, wishes and happiness trumps her children's it would seem. How sad.

BlueParrott · 15/01/2017 18:04

I definitely wouldn't trap someone with a pregnancy I was accused of that and it really hurt to think anyone would think I'm that devious and/or desperate

Carnabyqueen · 15/01/2017 18:19

OP is probably perusing the OLD sites as we speak, searching for some poor sap to take her and the kids on and who is prepared to impregnate her after a couple of months together. Some people just don't learn anything from their mistakes.

BlueParrott · 15/01/2017 18:52

Lets hope she comes to her sense or gets back with her husband and sorts herself out

Bant · 15/01/2017 19:23

I had a lot of sympathy with the OPs position to begin with. But if these things are true, that she, in essence, used men for sperm, and is desperately seeking a new man who'll take on her 4 kids and give her a 5th, and a 6th (?) - and having broken up a stable relationship with the loving father of two of her children and stepdad to her other two, depriving her children of stability and support so that she can have a baby, which will then grow up to the point where it needs to be replaced..

Well I've lost sympathy. I fact I think she's putting her own short term desires above the needs of her children, and is actually treating people - including her DC, pretty shittily.

So, all sympathy gone. Get help, OP. You're fucking up other people's lives, most of all your existing children

BlueParrott · 15/01/2017 21:54

Having read the whole thread i agree the op has treated her ex quite badly. Im surprised he is paying so much towards the house and kids and is happy about this set up

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 22:06

Bant your last post is exactly what I wanted to say.

Beebeeeight · 16/01/2017 22:47

People who have this desire to endlessly have more babies have usually had childhood trauma/loss eg been in care/absent/ dead parent/been adopted.

This op reminds me of sue radford.

She needs help.

Pluto30 · 16/01/2017 22:59

The OP reminds me of the Youtuber Jesssfam. 3 marriages, 3 fathers to her 5 children, seeming obsession with pregnancy and babies etc.

kiwimumof2boys · 17/01/2017 03:32

I have a friend who's just had her second child - number 8 for him with 5 different mothers

Newbrummie Is your friend a ballerina? is the father Mick Jagger?

Bigfluffybear · 17/01/2017 16:27

Im not a judgemental person but ffs op you need help. Who tries for a 5th when the 4th is a newborn?

Newbrummie · 17/01/2017 16:48

kiwimumof2boys - they are both pretty ordinary people, I don't like to ask where he gets his money from but he has lovely gold teeth 😁

Busybeesmum · 17/01/2017 19:33

I have asked for this thread to be taken down

Sallystyle · 17/01/2017 22:22

Yeah, not surprising.

It isn't nice having to be faced with your selfishness towards the children who need you to put them first.