DH complaining about condom use.

[user1483804139]

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

And also, ShitUp, op is saying she doesn't want another child so if her births involved the kind of thing you described, it won't again

Piglet, you are missing my point. Why should it be the OP who has to use contraceptives she doesn't want to use? Why can't DH just use a condom?

It's 2017, there's no reason for any woman to be a passive victim of her own fertility. You can argue the gender politics til you're blue in the face but you can't change the stark fact that it's women who get pregnant. It is our right and our responsibility, both men and women, to control our own fertility. It's not someone else's job to do it for us (and certainly not the NHS's job to mop up after nfp "accidents"). If a woman does not wish to get pregnant then she is responsible for ensuring that does not happen. If a man does not want to father children it is his responsibility to ensure that does not happen. No one person has the right to impose any form of contraceptive on another person's body. What people need to do is talk and take control of their lives. It is depressing to read posts where women discuss piv sex as an unavoidable inevitability. I'm no rad fem but my God it's depressing to read the same diatribe again and again where a man's right to ejaculate unhindered (in a vagina) is the most important thing in the world. Op if you can't reach a compromise then perhaps your Dh could expand his sexual horizons and skillset?!

Wow, a lot of replies. Thank you. I think it's veered away slightly from what I originally posted and turned into a contraception war haha. Well, we have spoken about it before. I can't have any hormones due to migraines and other issues. The coil is just not something I want to consider which I have every right not to. Just as DH doesn't have to have a vasectomy. When we spoke I did say to him that obviously only he can make that decision as I'd hate for him to be in constant pain from it. I'm more than happy to use condoms, but he wants us to keep using withdrawal due to "not really feeling anything" ill look into the other suggestions. To the op who keeps saying its me that doesn't want no kids not dh... I'm afraid you're wrong. He's happy with what we've got and has agreed he doesn't want anymore either. But he's also happy to keep using the withdrawal method despite.me saying that if I got pregnant I wouldn't want to.keep it. It's his lack of disregard at this which worries me- I would hate to have to go and have an abortion but I would if needed, hence why I'm now insisting on condoms even in non fertile times.

Condoms for the win!

Yy to condoms. Does he think an abortion is something you could shrug off?!

OP, i think you're being very selfish - deliberately. ----: why am I? Because I don't want him to get me pregnant? And infant want a coil? I'm happy with condom use, he wants to use withdrawal.

You complain about the thought of inserting the coil is awful - yet you've had strangers shove their hands up you vagina and given birth to two dc hmm Bit late to use that excuse!---: no one "shoved" their hand up there. Not an excuse. I just don't want a foreign body stuck up into my cervix.

I haven't had any dc but i have the hormonal coil, they had to open my cervix to get it in place - THAT hurt a bit.
You won't even feel that as you've already had dc. - and you know this because all women have the same pain thresholds? I've given birth to two children, both with only G &A and had stitches for tears. Pain isn't the issue.

You don't want to get sterilized because of the G.A.........how about you actually speak to your gp/family planning clinic and get your facts right? - facts right hey? Ita nothing to do with facts, I'm a busy mother of two and work- I understand you don't have kids so wouldn't expect you to know what that entails daily. I don't wish to go and have surgery, I don't wish for Dh to go have surgery either. It was merely a suggestion seeing as he'd rather risk pregnancy and let me abort than wrap up.

I know women who have gone in to get the Keyhole sterilisation, under local anesthetic and came home the same day.
Some painkillers were all they needed for immediately afterwards.
They were able to carry on as normal just hours later.

You DO have choices OP - you just don't want to take any responsibility at all. :::---- how have you came to that conclusion? I have taken responsibility by suggesting we use condoms or explore the vasectomy route.

I know of 2 men who had vasectomies both their sex lives have been ruined. One guy has to live with the pain as there's nothing medics can do. The other guy now has E.D difficulties.-::::----- this is why I'm concerned if he has one and I'd want him to want it. If not we can just use condoms.

Helen; I'm not sure what the sudden issue with condoms is, he has come plenty of times using them before, but recently he's just moaned and either not come and then been moody about it or we've just not had sex.

Mmm, moodiness. Always attractive!

If he wants PIV sex he will have to use condoms. Tough shit.

He is being selfish to risk putting you through an abortion because he "doesn't like" condoms. That attitude certainly wouldn't put me in the mood for sex!

You have the right to refuse to use the coil and hormonal contraception just as he has the right to refuse a vasectomy. I wish the sexists on this thread (and every other bloody thread about contraception) would accept that simple fact.

Perhaps try different brands/types.

How about trying the female condom?

Exactly another Emma.

I don't know why I'm getting flamed for not wanting a coil or to have an op myself. Reading back, nowhere did I state that I was forcing him into having an op. Exactly the opposite really. Men are bad enough when they catch a cold never mind the risk of chronic ball ache. It was just an avenue I asked him to think about. He didn't say no. He just isn't sire due to the complications risk which I completely respect and understand.

Yes, moodiness certainly isn't a turn on.

I will try those links out to see if we can get a better fit for him condom wise. As the durex ones are tight on him.

Category 12, ill look into giving that a whirl along with the diaphragm. The diaphragm concerns me tho for its effectiveness rates.

Without asking for TMI, can he not use a condom for a bit and then you guys do whatever you used to do when using withdrawal?

Second trying different brands

Helen; when we used withdrawal he used to wait til just before he came and then I'd give him a hand before he came on me. He's very good at knowing when he's about to so that's why I've not had any accidental pregnancies. But I just don't like the anxious wait til my period arrives. Ill look at different condoms and femidoms I reckon.

I wish the sexists

So people who don't agree with you = sexist.

I certainly am not in any way sexist but keep generalising

I'm not a sexist but...

...I like to post on threads to defend and excuse selfish behaviour from men

I'm not a sexist but...
...I think women should sort out contraception so the poor men don't have to wear nasty condoms

Seriously I get so fucking sick of the bullshit.

I'm not saying you personally are sexist, Piglet, it's just the general tone of these threads.

The anxious wait would be a turn off for me too.

Does he appreciate that anxiety, or does he think you are tickety-boo?

Might sound like a silly question, but if you have the coil, can your husband feel it during sex? DH told me that his first wife had the coil and he could feel something poking him in the willy during sex. Genuine question, it's something I'm considering but that has put me off a bit. We use condoms or nothing, it's unlikely I'll get pregnant because I have scrambled eggs and he has lazy swimmers, but I hate condoms.

Seriously I get so fucking sick of the bullshit.

So do I.

Sometimeso women are wrong funnily enough....

I wasn't and others weren't defending 'selfish' men, we were actually talking about people who have had very bad experiences with vasectomy procedures from those that think it's no big deal or start playing 'the world's smallest violin'

But hey carry on with your rant.

My dh could feel the strings of the coil when I had it but not the coil itself

Poking means it probably wasn't inserted correctly

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners My DH couldn't feel it just the string.

It was the best contraception we used. Not an issue for us anymore though. If it was I would use it again.