DH complaining about condom use.

[user1483804139]

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

CouldntMakeThisShitUp really don't know why you think I'm selfish. Just because I can't use certain hormones and don't wish to have a coil fitted. But neither do I care. I'm happy using condoms. Condom use isn't being harsh on his feelings.

@category12 he says not. He jokes around saying "when you going to give me a son" but you can't try for another in hopes.you get a boy

Well, maybe his 'jokes' aren't so very joky. Cos wanting unprotected sex when you're ovulating is pretty much "babies babies babies", innit?

OP, read your first post and subsequent posts. I've been on the pill for over 24 years and last year it was affecting me so I stopped taking them and told my husband why. We talked about and agreed that after me having had the responsibility for so long, it was his turn so after using condoms for a couple of months, 30 Dec, he had the snip.

It was uncomfortable, tender for a week and having just turned to him and asked how his testicles are tonight, he said they are alright (it's become a nightly topic of conversation!!).

Hope you get it resolved

Absolutely agree with category.

A PP said her brother got a vasectomy and later split up with his wife. I think no one should get sterilised if there are any circumstances in which they'd want another child.

It does sound like he wants another!

That PP is a man (Just to be clear since you said "she") and his brother was an idiot for getting a vasectomy when he didn't want to rule out having children in future. Just because one man made a mistake doesn't mean other men shouldn't have a vasectomy if that's what they want.

Was it, Emma? Thanks, my mistake.

That PP is a man (Just to be clear since you said "she") and his brother was an idiot

Errrrr it was me saying that. I'm certainly not a man! What with having given birth and all that.

Helen No worries! It's not always relevant of course but I do think it is relevant on a thread about contraceptive options and personal experiences of them.

@HelenDenver

No it isn't it was me that said it. I am female and although I have just had to have surgery due to cancer that means I can no longer have DC and previous breast cancer means I only have one breast, I assume it is still OK to call myself female!

Well when I asked him outright if he wanted another he said no. Itd be kind of awkward if he did considering I don't want anymore. I've spoken to him tonight about using alternative condoms or even female ones n he didn't really say a deal about it. Just came in complaining of hunger, tiredness and horny ness. God help me. Lol

He has a few anxiety issues anyway so I don't think the snip is probably the best thing for him. I sometimes feel he would only like another to keep me at home. He wasn't keen when I said I wanted to start back working.

I was the one who didnt want more children so got sterilised there is no way i would have made dp as it wasnt him who wanted it.

Of course you are female, piglet!

" I sometimes feel he would only like another to keep me at home. He wasn't keen when I said I wanted to start back working."

Hmm. Red flag, maybe?

Does he pull his weight on childcare, sick kids etc?

First of all, I previously, for some reason, assumed that he was the one that really didn't want anymore children.

Anyhow, neither of you can expect the other to get a snip/a tie.

However, both of you are responsible for contraception.
And both of you can decide if you want sex. You can for example decide that you only want sex when your (most likely) non-fertile period. And use a diaphragm to be really sure.

Or that you only want to have sex with a condom.

You do have a lot of autonomy here. But you can't expect him to get the snip.

Stingray did you have to go under GA? How was recovery etc? I might look into it but I'd only want a local... I'm such a GA wuss.

Sometimes I think MN should be called Misogyny Corner. As I said on another thread about women and fertility yesterday, who needs men to monitor our behaviour when women police other women so well. Handmaidens ahoy! [hMm]

I missed your 2nd comment

I sometimes feel he would only like another to keep me at home. He wasn't keen when I said I wanted to start back working.

That sounds quite awful. Is his refusal to use condoms based on the fact that he wants to make you stay home longer (because of an other child)? :0

Helen: yes, he does. He's very good with the kids. Always does bedtime routine and plays with them both x

Respecting bodily autonomy is misogynistic?

I've really heard it all now.

No-one should be expected to have surgery to please their partner.

That's good.

How about domestically - cleaning, cooking, school admin forms etc? Do you get similar amounts of free time?

Claryls- if I asked him that question he'd say not. But he does have issues with me being at work, especially if there are any men that might be attractive. I've never done anything to cause him to think I'd stray. But we did go through a bad phase last year as he suffered with a depression spell.

The OP doesn't expect him to get surgery! It was a suggestion as a way to avoid condone.

"But he does have issues with me being at work, especially if there are any men that might be attractive"

Nngh.

And he's moaning about being horny and you not "relieving" him (because he won't wrap up).

Nngh.