DH complaining about condom use.

[user1483804139]

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

At first I was thinking that you should experiment with different condoms. Now I think that you should take full control of, and responsibility for, your fertility. This is because:

1. You know that you don't want to be pregnant ever again. We don't know what your husband may really want. For all we know, he'll someday move to Utah and rack up sisterwives.

1. Your husband sounds controlling, or has the potential to be so. Giving him any responsibility over your getting pregnant means giving him some control and I don't think you should do that. After all, he wanted to go in unprotected even knowing that you're very fertile.

Without hormones, I guess that leaves the diaphragm, the coil, and being sterilised yourself. From what you've said, sterilisation sounds like your best bet. There will be inconvenience, but very temporary, and then you'll be free of all worry. I also think that the coil is worth reconsidering. It's a bit uncomfortable, but usually very effective and it's removable.

I was fully in the condom group but now I do agree you need to be in control of your fertility because I would be really worried that he is trying to get you pregnant sneakily.

I'm afraid from what you say about him being unhappy about you thinking about working more, being weird about you being round other men, added to the sudden dislike of condoms and wanting to have unprotected sex while you're ovulating - whether consciously or not, it seems like it would suit him quite well to keep you 'barefoot and pregnant'.

Which means I would absolutely take charge of contraception in your place.

What he says does not match up with his actions.

I agree with the last few posts.

I agree with the last few posts too and I did suspect from the outset that the DH was not definitely done having children yet. His recent behaviour of wanting sex at OPs fertile time only confirms that OP is more certain of not wanting more children than her husband is. To avoid getting pregnant I think OP has to either abstein from PIV, heya coil or get sterilised. She cannot rely on her DH to use contraception reliably and in the circumstances I think she should definitely avoid using the withdrawal method at any time in her cycle as she has done previously.

Thanks guys. I think you're right. But what is PIV?

PIV = penis in vagina

Penis in vagina

As opposed to oral etc!

It's good to specify since there are so many ways of having sex that don't involve PIV.

This screams reproductive coercion.

Without weighing in to the reproductive coercion thing (though it looks like it to me too), if he doesn't want to use condoms and that's the form of contraception that works for the OP, his way forward is clear: vasectomy.

I have no intention of having any more children, and so I had the snip - if I find myself in a relationship where we move past the initial condom stage and STI tests have been done to everyone's satisfaction, I don't want to effectively force my partner to be responsible for ensuring we don't get pregnant. And since I'm certain that my DDs are it for me, it's my responsibility to make certain. So I did, by the simple expedient of lying on a gurney with a worryingly Adonis-like German doctor fossicking about in my nutsack with a pair of wire cutters and a soldering iron. Job done. A weekend on the sofa with an ice pack on my balls and I never have to worry about it again.

I tend to think far too many men think contraception is the woman's job.

But fulberoo the main difference is you were certain of not wanting any more children, the OPs DH isn't. Can you not see the huge difference?

Then he should sit down and discuss it with her properly Six instead of playing silly borderline abusive games.

And just in case he gets any ideas about pulling the condom off during sex, someone has finally been convicted for it.

www.redonline.co.uk/red-women/news-in-brief/a-man-has-been-convicted-for-rape-for-taking-off-a-condom

I agree with that Helena. Frankly I wouldn't be having any sexual contact with him until it was discussed and properly sorted out but the suggestion by fulberoo wasn't appropriate given that his mindset and ideas about no more children is different to the OPs husband.

Personally, I'd be insisting he use my condoms (ones that I'd kept safe and hidden) rather than his. It only takes a pinprick ...

(Many years ago, when I was at school, I remember a fellow classmate boasting that she hated her SM so she put holes in her father's condoms. A child resulted from this ... and one that was loud and disruptive, showing she didnt quite think this through, but it shows that it happens).