DH complaining about condom use.

[user1483804139]

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

Well you do have to prempt with the cap but there is not much faff once you've got the hang of it (first few times can be a cross between an action movie and a farce, but). But hats off to you that you have 2 kids and still have so much spontaneous sex in your life.

Thanks ladies for your responses. I've read them all. I've just been looking at the diaphragm, and there's still a 16% chance of getting pregnant. Which would still make me worry. But I guess I could give it a go. I'm just not the best at knowing my cervix. I tried to use a mooncup once and couldn't even get that to work properly so it doesn't bode well. Whoever mentioned getting my tubes tied, well, I would, but I've got a massive fear of being put under GA. Also, recovery time to a busy mother of two doesn't appeal. I'm a house wife and do all the cooking/cleaning but also work as a MDS. Ill speak with him again. I'm not interested in a coil. The idea of it freaks me out. I'm happy for condoms to be used. Its DH that complains about it.

My dh had the snip and he has had pain and discomfort since so it is not necessarily an easy procedure. He had it 7 years ago.

OP why don't you want to use a coil?

My DH recently had the snip, had a very slow and painful recovery and now suffers almost permanent pain in his balls. It's seems to be when he is producing more sperm.

Apparently as much as 10% suffer with long term or permanently difficulties after a vasectomy.

Kr1 - spot on. And yes, as I predicted, here they all are saying get a coil...

Meant to add, you've got a method that suits you, condoms. It's his problem...

I don't think it's really fair for you to dismiss an effective and non-intrusive form of contraception such as the coil because it "freaks me out". I think that's very self-centred and juvenile tbh.

Unfortunately the snip is not a guaranteed walk in the park. I wish I had been better informed of the potential implications before DH had his.

Same problem here and same reasons for not having the snip (which was first broached 7 years ago!). Is that true about 10% of men having issues?

DH has one friend who did have problems (and I can think about 20 or so men we know who have had no problems), obviously that is not a representative sample, but I had always assumed that the friend we know who had problems was a very rare case. No answer though OP, I can't take the hormones so no pill for me & the fear of getting pregnant does slightly ruin the fun!

Might sound daft but have you tried different condoms? We used durex for ages but he struggled to cum. Now he uses a larger size Skyn one and it feels much better apparently.
Still not the same as nothing on but it's tough shit, I've had over a decade of putting different things inside my body, it's his turn now.

It's his problem.

Well that's extremely selfish

I too share the op's dislike of the concept of the coil. Nothing wrong with that.

I can't use hormonal contraception either OP, so we also use condoms.

DH doesn't complain but I know they aren't great for him. He doesn't want to get the snip and I am not going to pressure him into it. He'd rather have sex with a condom than not have sex at all (which is what happens when I take hormonal contraceptives). There are other ways of finishing him off that don't require condoms and I am more than happy to do these on a regular basis!

There are suitable temporary contraceptives that either could use but neither want to. The DH could use condoms but doesn't want to. The OP could use a coil but doesn't want to. Having the snip is permanent and is totally different from neither party wanting to use the available temporary methods. Op doesn't want permanent contraception herself (sterilisation) but thinks it is reasonable for her husband to do so.

Piglet - well it is isn't it?? The op is happy having sex with condoms. It just seems common sense that the 'motivation' to do something perceived as unpleasant ie coil, hormones or snip, lies with her DH. Where's her motivation?

There's also the diaphragm. I don't know why it's not better known. You only have to keep it handy for when the, er, need arises.

You can have an operation to repair post vasectomy damage.

Far more than 1 in 10 women have serious permanent damage after giving birth and yet no one would suggest we stop having babies.

Where's her motivation?

She is the one that doesn't want anymore DC!

I think what gives the woman the upper hand in deciding is that all the contraception for us is invasive. It has to go inside us. If it fails we have to bear the consequences.

A man only has to slip a rubber sock on. It doesn't feel as nice but doesn't affect him day to day.

I can't remember tolerate hormone treatment either and I can't have the copper coil because of anaemia

My dh is booked in for the snip on the 19th of this month

He is 25

We have two children and whilst we both would love a 3rd, we've decided it isn't a good idea.

Because I can't handle hormone treatment and neither of us likes condoms, he has said it's his turn to do something

You can have an operation to repair post vasectomy damage.

Not for all you can't

I think every body needs to explore the options.

I wouldn't be to happy if Dh suddenly turned round and said 'hey by the way if you want sex you need to have your tubes cut or a hystorectomy. You can't actually force him to do anything thing with his body .

OP is happy with condoms though.

Why don't you get your tubes tied op?

"Same problem here and same reasons for not having the snip (which was first broached 7 years ago!). Is that true about 10% of men having issues?"

Yes: here's a quotation from the NHS vasectomy page

"Long-term testicular pain affects around one in 10 men after vasectomy. The pain is usually the result of a pinched nerve or scarring that occurred during the operation. You may be advised to undergo further surgery to repair the damage and to help minimise further pain."

This is in addition to other serious complications such as granuloma and haematoma (which are listed separately).

I think the risks of vasectomy are routinely underestimated.

It's his body, his choice.

He has made a perfectly valid choice, given the risks.

What remains now is to find a contraceptive solution, which could mean a copper coil, the diaphragm, or female sterilisation if permanent removal of fertility something that OP wants. It is her body her choice to decide about the risks of that procedure.

Remember= really