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Original poster

DH complaining about condom use.

317 replies

user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 09:46

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 19:51

Helen, domestically not much at all. I do it all including school forms etc. He actually came.home today and asked why he had to iron a shirt this morning and why the kitchen was a mess. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 19:52

Helen, I know. Bloody catch 22.

OP posts:
HelenDenver · 12/01/2017 19:52

Nnngh.

How do your working hours and his contrast? Are both your DDs at school now?

JigglyTuff · 12/01/2017 19:54

He doesn't have to have a vasectomy @VikingVolva. But it's not the OP's responsibility to deal with contraception which is what 90% of posters on this thread are urging.

As I said before - she's happy with their current set up; he's not.

Stingray2008 · 12/01/2017 19:54

It was my first ever operation so i was pretty scared. I was put under general but was out the same day and it wasnt as bad a s i thpugh it would be. It was quite tender for a while so couldnt wear my jeans but its so nice not to have the worry of getting pregnant.

I did have to fight to have it done as i was 29 at the time and they said they dont like to do it young as many people go on to regret it. Im not one of them. Well not yet its only been 5years since i had it done.

HelenDenver · 12/01/2017 19:54

When you said he was brilliant with the kids, you cited the fun bits e.g. Bath and play. Great, of course, but does he buy their clothes, sort out their clubs, ensure homework is done etc etc...?

ClaryIsTheBest · 12/01/2017 19:54

Okay...

Sorry, that sounds awful.

Imo the wrapper is the least of your issues. I have a lot of compassion for people struggling with MH issues.
But still. He sounds controlling, jealous and lazy. Sorry :(

Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 19:56

Helen, I work as a midday supervisor. I'm qualified in business admin to a supervisor level but no office job I've found fits around the kids. I have one at school and the other is a year and a half so she goes to my sisters for a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 19:58

He's good at the homework tasks. I always leave that to him. He bought the youngest a jumper once lol. But I do the clothes as I like to dress them how I like. I do have to ask him if I want help getting them ready.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 12/01/2017 19:59

Piglet Many apologies, a PP referred to you as male and I took their word for it. Sorry for getting it wrong!

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/01/2017 19:59

Blossomdeary
Would you put money on a horse with a 10% chance of winning?

A part from being a poor analogy.

Its not your body so you don't get a say.

HelenDenver · 12/01/2017 20:00

Ok, so you've found very part time work, I guess 2-3h a day max, that fits around the kids and he still has an issue?

And you are the one to tidy, cook, iron etc too, whilst having your 1.5year old when not at work and DD1 after school.

When is your free time? When is his?

What about weekends and evenings?

If you got eg a childminder, could you get an office job, or is that not what you want right now?

NameChange30 · 12/01/2017 20:02

"I sometimes feel he would only like another to keep me at home. He wasn't keen when I said I wanted to start back working."

"he does have issues with me being at work, especially if there are any men that might be attractive"

Oh dear. You mention depression/anxiety but they can sometimes be an excuse for controlling behaviour... which this is beginning to sound like Confused

Just to check, does he do anything on this list? Signs of emotional abuse

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/01/2017 20:05

Thank you for your apology @AnotherEmma Smile

Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 20:05

He usually goes rock climbing or plays a game on his PC. I took up horse riding one night a week. Weekends we are together as a family. I could but I'd need 9:30-3 and then I'd struggle to work when the kids have holidays, so working at a school fits well. He has a well paid job so we don't struggle and my money just goes on any extras. I just wanted to do something for me. I'd of loved to go back into office but I can't see how it'd work when kids have holidays as they do.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 20:10

Another Emma, apart from calling me an effing idiot once there's not much else. I don't think he's emotionally abusing me. If he sulks I let him. He's off with me today n on his PC so leaving him to it.

OP posts:
HelenDenver · 12/01/2017 20:15

Totally fair enough to want to work!

When both girls are at school, a holiday club may be an option. Does the school have a morning or after school club? That can be cheaper than a childminder

Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 20:16

Ill check when she moves to juniors :)

OP posts:
MrTCakes · 12/01/2017 20:18

Why would you even want to have sex with a man who sulks and moans that he had to do his own ironing? That attitude is contraception right there.

Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 20:21

Grin to be fair I have fell behind but doesn't take much to iron a shirt.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 12/01/2017 20:22

"Ita nothing to do with facts, I'm a busy mother of two and work- I understand you don't have kids so wouldn't expect you to know what that entails daily."

Being a busy, working mum of 2 is no barrier to bring sterilised OP! Confused

Original poster
user1483804139 · 12/01/2017 20:26

I was thinking of recovery time when I'm busy. Also, not really a fan of wanting to be sterilised. I'm happy to carry on with condoms.

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 12/01/2017 20:40

Tell him condoms or vasectomy. They choice is his. Maybe he can talk to friends who have had it? It's generally very simple and few long term issues.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 12/01/2017 20:50

Condoms, vasectomy or only non-penetrative sex.

It's really not such a terrible choice. Smile

magoria · 12/01/2017 20:59

Op has found a contraception that works for her. Condoms.

She doesn't have to do anything else in order to protect herself. No condom = no sex.

I think if he wants condom free sex it is up to him to find an alternative.