DH complaining about condom use.

[user1483804139]

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

I don't think it's right to insist that DP had the snip could you imagine if he insisted that you had to be sterilised that would go down like a led balloon it's just the same thing just because he's male it doesn't make it any less important. - this is only my opinion everyone is different.

I have no real practical advice but can I recommend skins condoms they are on the dearer side but you don't feel them (well we didn't) they were made to feel natural.

Sorry I couldn't have been more help I just wanted to recommend them.

I hope things get sorted for you.

here's some info - www.netdoctor.co.uk/procedures/surgical/a2218/sterilisation-for-women/

Oh and my DH refused to have a vasectomy too which I respected, 100% his choice as far as I'm concerned and probably the right one from reading this thread....for both of us.....can you imagine living with a man who had chronic testicular pain?!?!

"Sorry if you've already given reasons for not wanting to use it, I haven't read the whole thread."

Fair enough, it was 2.5 pages long when you posted..

"I don't think it's right to insist that DP had the snip "

She isn't insisting.

"You complain about the thought of inserting the coil is awful - yet you've had strangers shove their hands up you vagina and given birth to two dc hmm Bit late to use that excuse!"

What a nasty thing to say.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Fucking hell I thought your post was a piss take but it seems like you're actually being serious. Wow.

And if you haven't had DC how the fuck would you know what getting a coil fitted after childbirth feels like?

Helen, ooh sarky. Any sensible points or useful experience to share with OP?

No strangers shoved their hands up my vagina during my second birth, FYI, ShitUp.

HTH.

Sure, Cromwell, i posted earlier. After RTFT.

So why do you think your further contributions, which aren't to the OP's points at all, but simply to give your views on other people's comments, are of any value?

Personally I'd never ask my dh to use them (I've never even had sex with any man using one). If you don't want children then there are other options available.
And I've heard sex with a condom is hardly worth having tbh

Op has carried and given birth to 2 kids. DH doesn't like condoms. So, let him now make a sacrifice (for once) and get the snip. Why should she now undergo a serious operation, and he does naff all, when he is the one who doesn't like condoms!

When i see nastiness like ShitUp's comments, I call it out.

When I see inaccuracies, like people suggesting she is insisting, I call it out - as others who haven't RTFT may then be misled.

How about you?

Carry on with the withdrawal method, be scrupulous about taking your temperature and following your cycle and avoid sex at highly fertile times for about two or three days before and after.

Make it clear to DH that if you accidentally get PG you will abort. If he absolutely must have sex at your fertile times then a condom it is.

I don't see any other way around it was both of you seem to object to just about every method of temporary or permanent BC there is.

Although personally I don't see how having to withdraw before orgasm is less of a faff and a downer than using a condom.

Tall him to stop reading horror stories and get the snip. Its fantastic.

That is a very foolish comment kel. Condoms are very useful especially in new relationships as they are the best way to prevent the transmission of disease.
I don't think it has to be the OPs husband having the snip or nothing but to suggest that sex with a
Condom is hardly worth having is a very juvenile comment.

Can I declare myself as speaking as a man this once without getting shot down :), it is relevant.

I don't buy the argument that condoms spoil the experience for the man, based purely on my own anecdotal experience. We started using condoms in the past couple of years having never used them before. The first ones I tried I really didn't get on with. Surprise, surprise though, condoms come in a variety of shapes and sizes which is just as well seeing as willies do. It took me a bit of trial and error, some were a bit too loose and some were a bit too tight whilst others were just not the optimal shape. I've now settled on a type that I'm happy with. We don't use them all the time as they are for my wife's comfort rather than protection (and she doesn't always feel the need), and I actually get far more sensitivity with the condom than when not using one.

I haven't had any dc but i have the hormonal coil, they had to open my cervix to get it in place - THAT hurt a bit.
You won't even feel that as you've already had dc

I've had two children and I still felt them opening my cervix! Fucking agony!

I've tried the coil. Didn't agree with me. Tried the pill. Didn't agree with me. Tried condoms. Didn't agree with both of us.

I've had severe tearing from birth and I've got a lot of problems health wise from birth too.

I could be sterilised but frankly his vasectomy is easier.

So he is having the snip

Perhaps suggest to DH to look up some of the scary stories of women giving birth. There's one in the Guardian today.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/09/born-mother-pregnancy-idea-frightening

It's over forty years since I had the snip, never had problems and as an early pioneer I was 'done' by local anaesthetic, on a sheet covered table at the local community centre. Paid for by a charity. Although I watched it at the time, still makes my eyes water thinking of it.

Sex without a condom is hardly worth having?

Said by someone who has never had sex without a condom to loads of people who have?

How embarrassing to say such stupid things.

I don't see it as my job to be Queen of Internet.

Never had sex with a condom I mean.

OP Sterilisation isn't something I want purely because of the sedation.

You don't need to be sedated.

It's keyhole surgery that takes a few minutes. It can be done with local anesthetic. I had it done under a very light general anesthetic but as I have since had a couple of OPs (pins in broken bones) carried out just using local I would choose local anesthetic if I were to have the op. again.

I am sure some people won't have had it go quite so well but it was the easiest and least painful OP I have ever had. I've had worse fillings.

I don't think it's right to insist that DP had the snip could you imagine if he insisted that you had to be sterilised that would go down like a led balloon it's just the same thing just because he's male it doesn't make it any less important. - this is only my opinion everyone is different

There is a very big difference, ask any doctor.

Besides, no one is insisting that he get the snip. He is the one who does not want to use condoms.
It is his choice. Condoms or getting the snip. I am sure she would be happy with him using hormonal contraception, too, but there's none available to men for mysterious* reasons.

• I read they stopped the research because the men, placebo group and real hormones group alike complained about side-effects that were the same as women get from the pill.