DH complaining about condom use.

[user1483804139]

Was trying to post this is sex category but it won't let me post there for some reason.

Anyway, me and DH usually combine withdrawal and condoms. Withdrawal at my least fertile times and condoms when I'm most fertile. This has always worked well but I'm not willing to do the withdrawal anymore as I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids. I have two lovely daughters already. Anyway, the constant condom use seems to be ruining our sex life as DH complains that he can't really feel a deal and struggles to come. I've suggested he go for the snip as I don't want any hormones, I can only take the PoP and it never really agreed with me. AIBU to refuse going back on the pill and ask that he have the snip?

I got sterilized and it was exremely quick and easy. I didn't even need painkillers afterwards. It takes less than ten minutes although I did have a light general. It also works immediately. It felt like period pain for a day.

If you don't won't DC then I'd recommend it.

She's not saying he has to have the snip. She's offering that as an option if he wants condom free sex, now she's not happy with withdrawal risk.

Given he didn't come inside her with withdrawal, if he struggles to come with condoms, coming outside her is still an option...

I'm with you on the coil OP, just the vague description of insertion on the NHS website makes my legs clang shut.

Have you tried femidoms? They are pretty easy to put in once you're used to them, and men generally report better sensation.

Try different brands of male condoms as well, if you haven't already. Mates Thins give good sensation generally. Also's if he's got a bigger than average cock, using regular size condoms will dull sensation for him. Skyns are a bit roomier, or go for Skins XL. If he's smaller than average then try Mates Natural, they are quite snug.

Piglet - I meant where is her motivation to change method of contraception!!!! She's happy with condoms.

Piglet When a female decides they don't want any more DC and is unable to use hormonal contraception and is unwilling to have extremely invasive surgery, the other option is abstinence or condoms (broadly speaking). If the male partner is not happy with these methods of contraception then of course it is his responsibility to provide an alternative method. What else should he do? Demand that his partner has sex without adequate protection? Demand that she has a hysterectomy? I can't really see what the argument is

If DH does not like condoms and won't go for the snip then why should the OP be the one (after having had two of his children) to make accommodations, especially ones that might result in a pregnancy or be more invasive than the snip (and carry equal if not greater risk of complications)? If DH thinks he might want more kinds then he can wank and freeze, surely?

I didn't realise that as many as one in ten men suffered side effects! I wouldn't be happy having the snip based on that.

We're happy with condoms and withdrawal as I don't like the pill or coil etc .

I'm wary about him having the snip because of the chance of forever pain. I've told him as much when we discussed it. He is quite well endowed so I might try the alternative condom brands as we just use Durex thin feel atm. Not interested in the coil. I'm happy to use condoms as I've said. Ill also look into the cap in more detail. Thanks ladies. Sterilisation isn't something I want purely because of the sedation.

He should just grow up and get used to condoms, try different brands etc.

You definitely don't want more children, does he feel the same?

Why can't you have your tubes tied?

What about natural family planning?
www.fpa.org.uk/contraception-help/natural-family-planning
I am going down this route but also using condoms during fertile periods. FPA state that up to 99% effective when done accurately but clearly not for everyone! Hormones have aided depression, bad experience with a coil getting 'lost' and although my dh was booked in for a vasectomy, we cancelled as not 100% sure we may never want more!

Op doesn't like hormones
Dh doesn't like condoms

Op doesn't want invasive surgery
Dh might not want to ruin his fertility and rightly so it's his body.

Why is it down to Dh to get the snip?

Take control of your own fertility op and get your tubes tied if you don't want any more.

MY DH is adamant that a)there will be no more dc and b)he will not be sterilised. I cannot get him to see how ridiculous it is to hold both positions simultaneously. I have the Mirena, despite hating it, because it is extremely effective contraception, but it annoys me greatly that he is the one who says NO MORE KIDS EVER and I am the one left making sure (well, as sure as I can be, I know every contraception can fail) of it.
I'll probably ask to be sterilised when I have time to sort it out and can get ds3 weaned.

Piglet, I would see your point if the choice was him being sterilised or her. Then, maybe the partner adamant they don't want more children should have the op. But in this case, the op is happy to use a method of contraception that has no medical side effects on either of them. He's the one that's complaining. Therefore in this case he should accept using condoms or have the snip. Saying no to condoms and expecting the op to use hormonal contraception is unreasonable of him.

Kristina, because they have a shared sex life. Presumably you would expect them to share decisions and responsibilities about children, even though it was (obviously) the OP that had the pregnancies, labour, feeding, etc? So why does responsibility for contraception lie only with the husband in this case?

OP, have you ever tried the coil? Sorry if you've already given reasons for not wanting to use it, I haven't read the whole thread. I've been using it for 12 years (with one change after 5 years) having, like you, got the family we want and it's fab. Also, having been widowed early, I'm conscious of mortality and I wouldn't want my husband to have a vasectomy if there were any chance that he might want a future family with someone else in the event of my, gulp, demise!

I don't think it's really fair for you to dismiss an effective and non-intrusive form of contraception such as the coil

Insertion of a foreign object into someone's uterus is not a non-intrusive form of contraception.

Oh, and insertion of the coil a piece of piss. Go to a proper contraception clinic, where they do this procedure all day, every day, and are really good at it. Take 400mg of Nurofen beforehand. Easier than the dentist. Less painful than a good workout. Fucking nowhere near the pain of childbirth!

But nowhere near as quick and easy as putting on a condom.

The coil is not non-intrusive. Implementing that shit hurts. A lot.
It can also have a (negative) impact on period pain and increase bleeding (at least the copper coil).

Why not get the snip? And if he's afraid you'll change your mind about children he should bank sperm. It's not like his sperm quality will improve when he's older. So, sperm banking would be smart anyway if he's contemplating fathering an other child.

Oh well, I know several people that had issues with the coil. Painful issues.

FFS the OP doesn't want a coil. She is perfectly happy with their current contraception. If her husband doesn't like it, it's up to him to find an alternative.

I had my tubes tied and my periods became really heavy and much closer together. Like heavy bleeding for 10 days every 3 weeks after decades of 5 days of moderate bleeding every 4 weeks. Yes I know it could have been age / having my third child (I got them cut during the section for my third, knowing she would be my last) but I don't think so. I wouldn't really recommend it.

GP suggested I try a Mirena after my tubes were cut to control the bleeding. Then I just spotted constantly for about a year at which point I asked for it to be removed. I've just asked for a referral to a private gynaecologist.

Wouldn't really recommend a Mirena either.

I've never had a copper coil and understand you not wanting to take the pill OP. Not easy is it?!

OP, i think you're being very selfish - deliberately.

You complain about the thought of inserting the coil is awful - yet you've had strangers shove their hands up you vagina and given birth to two dc Bit late to use that excuse!
I haven't had any dc but i have the hormonal coil, they had to open my cervix to get it in place - THAT hurt a bit.
You won't even feel that as you've already had dc.

You don't want to get sterilized because of the G.A.........how about you actually speak to your gp/family planning clinic and get your facts right?
I know women who have gone in to get the Keyhole sterilisation, under local anesthetic and came home the same day.
Some painkillers were all they needed for immediately afterwards.
They were able to carry on as normal just hours later.

You DO have choices OP - you just don't want to take any responsibility at all.

I know of 2 men who had vasectomies both their sex lives have been ruined. One guy has to live with the pain as there's nothing medics can do. The other guy now has E.D difficulties.

Or...your sex life is now blowjobs and handjobs until post-menopause. Mutual of course. Could be quite fun. Dirty texts and talk.

Or, you go totally tantric, and no-one cums, ever. ('Cos it would have to be equal and fair, this is Mumsnet).

I believe most condom trouble comes from a bad fit. We used Pasante Naturelle for ages alongside a cycle computer (the LadyComp, very effective and completely non-invasive) and got on fine, but then the shop only had bloody Durex, which leaked. So we found an online source for Pasante again and are happy. I think there's actually a company that does made-to-measure condoms. They send out a kit, do you a few to test, which are expensive, but the price goes down if you order more.