Heading for a breakdown.....emotional abuse

[kath1987]

I have been with my partner for just over 2 years.....I thought he was the best thing to happen to me and my son (currently 4) how wrong I was. Things were fantastic for the first year. We decided to buy a house in a small village (quite a way from where I had spent my whole life) in February last year. Since then things have gone from bad to worse and I'm spiralling into such deep depression I don't know what to do. He's controlling and mentally abusive. I found out I was pregnant in may and he started being controlling and sometimes quite aggressive. He smashed my front room up at one point and unplugged the battery to my car so I couldn't leave. Ive suffered with anxiety and mild depression since before I met him anyway so this just made me feel so weak. The past few months on the build up to Xmas and the birth of our son have been great. He even proposed on Xmas day and I said yes as I felt so happy with him.....he was back to the man I fell in love with. Our son was born on New Year's Eve and he was fantastic at first...really supportive after a difficult labour. But the past few days he has just totally changed. We re due to register the birth next week and I said I wanted my sons surname to be the same as mine (same as my 4year old) The past 2days have been a nightmare. He's threatened me with everything possible. From taking my newborn son off me, kicking me and my children out on the streets, financially skinting me. He says never to think I can outsmart him because he will always win and he will do anything he can to make sure I come out worse off. Please help me!

At the top of the page is the My Mumsnet tab, click on that, it takes you to your inbox. I've messaged you x

You'll get an email notification, just so you're aware. My experience with the police in similar circumstances leaves me confident they'll do right by you x

You need to get away from him asap.

If not tonight then I agree slip a note to midwife/receptionist. Could you pretend to have a physical worry 'down there' after the birth so she'll need to check it in private, so you can be alone with her?
Can you contact your dad to come pick you and DCs up when he's not there?
If he works that might be ideal time to get away.
He won't get custody of your baby. If your not married I don't think you need to even name him on the birth certificate.

Please please be careful messaging posters with personal information. I'm sure it's good intentions, but unless you know them, please just be careful.

No you don't have to give me any personal info!! I just want to give advice!! X

I agree with that! Please check my posting history, it will build up a picture. I wouldn't have suggested this if I wasn't desperately worried, the OPs situation is horribly similar to my recent experiences

Pm's do send an email notification, can this be turned off?

It just made me anxious. I've been caught out on another site before. Sorry, I'm sure it's only out of a desire to help, I worry a lot

They don't give details of the message, just a notification

Really sorry to hear what you're going through right now. Be brave you have a lot of support x

I agree with everyone else - you need to get your children and yourself away ASAP.

I'm sorry - this is only going one way and it's not going to be pretty. You need to take your kids and protect them before something happens

You're so right to have said what you did Sort
I'm currently in emergency accommodation having gotten away from my baby's father, I know the fear too well, but we're safe now and my baby is thriving x

FeelTheNoise - so glad you're safe now.

please please get yourself and your children out of there as fast as you can. I have been a midwife, we have heard it all and I promise you your midwife or health visitor can help you...and will also be very good at picking up subtle clues if you aren't able to get out before then. ps. there is no way he would get custody of your children, he is escalating and sounds extremely dangerous.

Oh kath, my heart goes out to you, some really good advice on here, I hope to god you can contact your dad or alert the midwife tomorrow and get out of there with your kids. Thinking of you and hoping you're safe

Sorry if this is against the rules but I really want to give so advice as I have escaped this EXACT situation with a newborn also!

Kath PLEASE email me on kenziesworld @ outlook . com (no spaces)

Kenzie like you, I can't bear it knowing someone is going through this, just like I did. Nobody should ever have to feel as scared and desperate. I left a few weeks before my due date, and I'll hand hold anyone through their escape x

I'm really worried. I didn't leave. I took it. And he ended up leaving our 5 week old daughter in the house alone 'to upset me' and ended up with a Caution for Neglect. And even then, a few months later I took him back. I just want to help anyone else do what I should have done a long long time ago! Xx

Kenzie I've pm'd you x x

Have replied, Thankyou Kath x

You can do this love, gather your courage, speak to or give the MW a note tomorrow, and get out with your babies. You don't have to live like this, you can be free, soon.

Take care, we are behind you, sending you strength.

Thinking of you Kath. There is some amazing advice on here. I'll just echo what has already been said, you and your babies need to get out now. Is this a routine midwife appointment? Is it for you or your baby? If it's for you, the idea about saying you're suffering 'down there' is a great idea. If you had stitches, ask for them to be checked. The only possible downside to this is if your oh is then left alone with your baby. So perhaps writing a note in your book is best. It's so difficult, but so important that you get away.
You're in my thoughts, please stay safe x

Kath stay strong my love, I've been here, as have many of us on this thread, and we've all come out of it the other side. It will be tough, but once you've managed to get away, you'll slowly be able to build a life for you and your little one, in a home that's full of love, rather than full of violence.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to x

Hi there OP. We're so sorry to hear this is happening to you and we do hope you're able to find a way out. We just wanted to pop by with a note to say that while we've no reason to suspect anyone on this thread is not genuine, we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
OP - best of luck. We hope you get all the support and help you need and please do post again to let us know how you're getting on.

OP

Just want to reassure you that healthcare providers are very good at picking up on things. My Dr saw me with my ex once and she immediately knew that something was wrong - it was written all over her face but she couldn't do anything because I was in denial and said nothing.

They WILL help you - you just have to engineer a moment (anything) to ask for help.