Heading for a breakdown.....emotional abuse

[kath1987]

I have been with my partner for just over 2 years.....I thought he was the best thing to happen to me and my son (currently 4) how wrong I was. Things were fantastic for the first year. We decided to buy a house in a small village (quite a way from where I had spent my whole life) in February last year. Since then things have gone from bad to worse and I'm spiralling into such deep depression I don't know what to do. He's controlling and mentally abusive. I found out I was pregnant in may and he started being controlling and sometimes quite aggressive. He smashed my front room up at one point and unplugged the battery to my car so I couldn't leave. Ive suffered with anxiety and mild depression since before I met him anyway so this just made me feel so weak. The past few months on the build up to Xmas and the birth of our son have been great. He even proposed on Xmas day and I said yes as I felt so happy with him.....he was back to the man I fell in love with. Our son was born on New Year's Eve and he was fantastic at first...really supportive after a difficult labour. But the past few days he has just totally changed. We re due to register the birth next week and I said I wanted my sons surname to be the same as mine (same as my 4year old) The past 2days have been a nightmare. He's threatened me with everything possible. From taking my newborn son off me, kicking me and my children out on the streets, financially skinting me. He says never to think I can outsmart him because he will always win and he will do anything he can to make sure I come out worse off. Please help me!

Latest update. After a few weeks of playing happy families and him promising me the world basically. He finally managed to slowly manipulate me into putting him on the birth certificate. Soon followed the threats because I didn't think my baby was ready to stay with him overnight. He agreed to have him for a few hours and then locked him in his house. 6hours it took me to get my baby back. A lot of Vile things said by him trying to get me to stay as well. Because I wouldn't he threatened to keep him until Monday (it was Saturday) he said he had "been playing me" and how I must feel so stupid for putting him on the birth certificate. The only reason I got my baby back is because he is so young. I've stopped contact following solicitors advice. Received a letter from court saying that he had applied for a "no notice hearing" because there was an "unidentified risk of harm"

Well you have definitely tried everything now.
You also know that he will NEVER change and he is a vile abusive manipulator.
I really hope everything works out and you are happy away from this creature!
Well done OP.
Keep going. Keep strong.

I read this thread back in January and I thought that you sounded like a kind person who would try to be reasonable.

Listen up OP - he is UNREASONABLE!! And this means that NOTHING you do will change him into a nice person.

As they say - lawyer up, and live your life AWAY from him.

Thank you for updating, I had been thinking about you and wondering how you were getting on. God are there no depths to which this arsehole ex of ypurs won't stoop? I hope you have plenty of good support around you, and a good strong SHL? With the police and social services, involvement with your case, at least you have plenty of evidence against him. Stay in contact, there are some wonderful people on Mumsnet as I have found! Xx

Squirrel if he's applied for a no notice hearing what are the instructions to you on the letter? Have you got a solicitor?

It says there will be another hearing that I have to attend next month. Yes I do have a solicitor

Understandable that you felt you should go back but gutted for you that he did it again like you knew he would. Glad you're safe

Squirrel You need to call NCDV and apply for a Non-M & a Prohibitive Steps Order. These keep him away from you and prevent him from EVER removing the child from your care and allows you to withhold contact until he employs a Solicitor and takes the issue to court. This will all be free via the Legal Aid Domestic Abuse gateway

Sorry that should read 'Non-Mol' as in Non-Molestation Order

Hello, good to hear from you, I've been wondering how things were going. Your Ex has certainly shown his true colours once again hasn't he?

I hope you're getting all the support you need irl. It's hard I know, but you've left him, that's the hardest part. Stay strong x

He has already applied for a non mol order and prohibited steps order against me 🙄 it was refused so now have to go to court. it's absolutely ridiculous all the lies he's put on the court application......making me out to be the abuser!! It's absolutely insane. I have a good support network behind me though x

They all do this.
The courts have seen it all before and will see through it.
Keep going!

He actually sounds insane. I'm so glad you got out and are doing so well. The court will hopefully see through his nonsense good luck

He threatened he would "make my world spin" before I left him. I never believed the lengths he would actually go to.....it's frightening 😱 x

Have been following this thread, OP. Why have you done what many people strongly warned you against doing on this thread - putting this violent abuser on your child's birth certificate, giving him access to your child.

Been here squirrel. Keep going. You are incredibly brave and strong.

He never was that nice guy, it was an act. That person doesn't exist.

You'll win as long as you stick with your current path.

They will try anything and they believe their own bullshit. He will never ever change.

Longer term if he does get access then any communications you have with him should be limited to child access arrangements only. Never respond to anything emotional. Be cold and concise in any dealings with him. You need to switch off your emotions to him.

Good luck (and well done) xxx

Hexicanmix have you ever been manipulated? Especially when being at your most vulnerable after having a baby? Everyone makes mistakes and believe me when I say I'm paying for it. I appreciate all the supportive comments.....this not being one of them x

Yes I have been manipulated, but not into signing a document regarding a baby when I had been advised very strongly against it because it potentially gives an abusive man access to him. Posters are human too, and was worried about the kid! I hope you don't 'pay' for it, I really do. I hope things only get better from now on. Actually, I am sure they will.

The courts will see right through him OP. I'm glad you have so many people on your side and that you can now see what a revolting person he is.

Did you give the baby your surname like you wanted?

Pinkyredrose yes my surname ❤

Ah that's good OP